


Satellite

by J_Antebellum



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Comfort, F/F, Family, Love, Trauma, major angst, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:08:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 48,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23283775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Antebellum/pseuds/J_Antebellum
Summary: When a major tragedy hits Ashlyn's family while she and her wife are in the top of the world, they will be forced to return to the Space Coast, and try their best to navigate through all the storms that threaten to wreck their love story and everything they have ever cared about.
Relationships: Ashlyn Harris/Ali Krieger
Comments: 78
Kudos: 65





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Hoping you're all taking good care of yourselves with this Covid madness. I've ran out of the UK, where I've been living for a few months now, and returned to my hometown to support my family through these difficult times. Now I'm in lockdown ;)
> 
> Even though you probably hate me if you've been following my other fics and seen I've barely updated in the past year, I'm happy to finally announce I wrote ten fanfics, all Krashlyn, in the past year. One of them even has a part 2, so it's actually eleven fanfics. So anyway, now that we have these hard times I think all of us in lockdown locked in our flats for minimum a month will appreciate having stuff to read and get entertained, even if it's just fics, so I think it's the best moment to bring all the stories at once. Enjoy!
> 
> Also if you want to talk with me, ask when the next chapter pops or whatever, I'm jantebellum in Tumblr, so feel free to message me or send some anon over there!
> 
> Much love xx

They had won. They were golden Olympians, finally, and on top of things together. Ashlyn looked at Ali in disbelief, running towards her with the biggest beaming toothy grin, looking as the defender turned around with a shocked face and tears running down her cheeks, locked eyes with her, and broke into laughter, opening her arms wide in time to catch her wife as the goalkeeper jumped on her arms, laughing-crying like a maniac. Ali spun her around and when both pair of feet were planted on the grass, they held each other's faces between their hands for a moment before melting into a shy, but intense kiss.

Returning from Tokyo to their home in Altamonte Springs felt like coming down from the biggest thrill, but at the same time, they were both more than ready for it. They flopped on the sofa and immediately their big dog Logan jumped on them wanting to lick their faces, make them laugh and show them how much she missed them. They had just picked her up from a friend's house, but now it was the time for proper greetings.

“We missed you too baby,” Ali said patting Logan while Ashlyn wrapped one arm around the dog and another around her wife of almost eight months.

“So this is how it feels to make all your biggest dreams come true, uh?” Ashlyn smiled looking dreamy, leaning to kiss her while she folded the arm she had around her shoulders to caress her cheek.

“Almost all,” Ali reminded her as they pulled apart, patting her belly with a meaningful look.

“Soon,” Ashlyn reassured, kissing her again. “We'll achieve it all, you'll see. So... still sure about retirement?” Ali took a deep breath and nodded.

“I've got it all except a human baby, and I want to focus on that dream now. It's been postponed for too long, and we're not getting any younger.”

“Surely. And still not resenting me for not retiring?”

“I told you, Ash,” Ali cupped her cheek and kissed the other one slowly. “You've waited your whole life for this, you're healthy, you're national starter, your body is ready for more... go and enjoy it. And I'll be more than happy to be the stay-at-home Mum and bring our kids to every game to cheer up on Mommy.”

“Thank you for being so understanding. Still, if you ever change your mind...”

“I'll tell you.”

“That's my girl,” Ashlyn looked at her all satisfied kissing again, but right as their kiss intensified, her phone rang and Ali looked at her with false offence as they pulled apart. “Sorry, Chris said he'd call...”

Christopher's first child, Wyatt Michael Harris -named both after their father Curtis Michael and Ashlyn, whose middle name was the feminine form Michelle- had been born just days before, on August 2nd, from a so far six year long relationship Chris had with an Argentinian nurse named Anna. Of course, Ashlyn and Ali had been in Tokyo, but Christopher had managed to make it there for the Olympic final game along with their parents, and then on the return home, they had gone to Palm Bay where Christopher lived, and stayed a couple days to meet Ashlyn's now favourite nephew ever, with no disrespect for Jenson.

So now they demanded photos and videos and phonecalls with their nephew frequently, and Christopher and Ashlyn spent one hour on the phone just so Ashlyn could see the sleeping handsome boy on the screen and talk to him. Ali joined every now and then while making dinner, but she was mostly enjoying seeing Ashlyn melt away with Wyatt. He was now ten days old, with the signature Harris dimple but in both cheeks instead of just one, Christopher's eyes and blonde, but darkening hair, and he stole everyone's hearts. His parents would eventually married, as they had been discussing it for long and they had lived together for years, but they didn't make much money and were both very busy people, even more now, so their wedding planning as slow, although they were engaged. They were aiming for the following spring, if lucky.

“I love that kid,” Ashlyn declared with a big smile as she hung up and joined Ali in the kitchen, hugging her from behind as Ali cooked in front of the stove, and kissing her shoulder. “Although if ours is half as cute, we're going to have trouble to discipline them.”

“We managed to discipline Logan,” Ali commented with an amused side smile.

“Did we really? She gets all she wants.”

“She doesn't pee inside the house anymore.”

“OK, we can do potty training at least,” Ashlyn hugged her tighter, just enjoying her body between her arms. “If I could, I'd make us a baby right now. I'd sit you on the counter, push my pants down and-,”

“So romantic,” Ali said full of irony, chuckling and turning her head to peck her lips.

“Let's eat quickly so we can have a quickie,” Ashlyn petitioned kissing below her ear where it made Ali's skin fill with bumps, and went to set the table.

Their love-making was always sweet and without a rush, even when they called it a quickie. This didn't mean they didn't have moments of unrestrained passion, roughness and speed, but generally they enjoyed it more when it was just sweet, tender loving, kissing each other gently but passionately and intensely, and breaking in each other's arms as they got the ultimate pleasure.

“Ash...” Ali whispered as she came from her high and breathed into Ashlyn's neck, burying a hand in her chin-long dark hair, filled with blonde highlights. Her other hand came to rest over her spine, keeping a tight grip of her on top of her own body. Ashlyn knew Ali wasn't about to say an actual sentence, just her name, and responded by kissing her cheek.

“My Alex.”

“Yours.”

They were living one of the best moments of their lives, and they both knew it. The Orlando Pride was in the NWSL playoffs for second consecutive year, and the next day they incorporated into training. They had to work hard if they wanted to defend their champions title, as this year there were some huge new teams in the league, like Los Angeles' Women's team, into which Alex Morgan had gone, after years with the Pride, to reunite with her husband and her Californian family. That meant they had lost one of their big players, but had been so lucky to get Crystal Dunn and to be able to put their Brazilian and Australian players in bigger positions on the field. With Ali leaving after this season as well, they wanted to end on a high note.

“Who do you think will substitute me after I leave the team?” Ali asked one evening as they both jogged around a soccer pitch where they had gone to train in their free time.

“Kelley,” Ashlyn shrugged. “I told Marc we should get her in our team.” Kelley O'Hara was a fellow defender in the national team, and even though she was who the national team used when Jill didn't want to use Ali, she was one of their closest friends.

“I'd trust her with my job,” Ali agreed with a nod, hardly breathless. “Come on, if I score ten times in five minutes, you do the dishes.”

“You're dreaming!”

It gave Ashlyn intense pride to see Ali score on her though, not ten times, but she managed three, which for a defender and, having in count who Ashlyn was, was quite impressive nonetheless, so Ashlyn decided it was her turn to do the dishes anyway. Perhaps their friends were right; Ali had her wrapped around her finger. But she still felt like the lucky one every time she got to walk around the street with Ali's hand firmly wrapped in hers, making her laugh hard and look at her as if she put all the stars in the sky. She was proud of their relationship, their achievements and her, and she couldn't be happier.

When they made it into the NWSL championships, they were over the moon.

“Drinks are on me tonight ladies!” Ashlyn claimed climbing on top of the club bar raising a bottle of champagne the night they celebrated wining their semifinals game.

Instantly, her team cheered, raising arms and chanting 'Pride, Pride!' and Ashlyn jumped off the bar and gave the bottle a long sip, feeling exuberant with joy. This was it. This was their moment. They'd win the NWSL and then they'd join the rest of the national team at camp, where they'd celebrate Ashlyn's thirty-fifth birthday, before they'd start the IVF process so Ali could be pregnant and they could have a child with Ashlyn's eggs. They had also debated adoption, but friends of them who had done it told them how they'd both had go to together on visits to the child, be at home for scheduled social services visits, and how it was really complicated with Ashlyn's soccer schedule, so they decided adopting would be easier when they already had one child they could show to social services as a proof of their good parenthood, and when Ashlyn retired in a year or two.

“Ladies, a word please, one sec!” Ali called their attention. They were in a booked private area of the pub, so it was just them and the music. “I just want to say that whatever happens on Sunday in Utah, I'm so proud of all of you and what we've accomplished, and it's been an honour and I love you so much.”

“We love you too Kriegs!” their friend Alana Kennedy hugged Ali.

“Team hug!” Marta called for, and they all joined in.

“In retrospect,” Dani said, as they all pulled away after a few seconds and she beamed at Ali. “It's been our honour to be your last team.” Ali grinned tearfully.

“Come on, don't make me cry!” they laughed, and simply went on celebrating, deciding tonight wasn't when they got emotional.

Winning the Championship, however, did make them emotional. Both their families had come, and Ashlyn climbed to the stans to hug her brother and grab her nephew, who at two months, wore noise-cancelling headphones and a purple onesie, bringing him into the field with her for a few minutes of playful fun. Ali was fully crying, feeling both incredibly happy and somewhat sad, and waving at the fans while holding their brand new award.

“Come Wyatt, let's do a team huddle,” Ashlyn kissed her nephew's cheek hugging him close and walking to the middle of the grass field, where her team had gathered to lift Ali in the air and throw her to the sky a couple times while cheering out for her as a goodbye. “Ladies! Last huddle, I wanna show my nephew what Pride's about!” They all crowded in a circle, with their award on the grass in the middle, and threw their hands into the middle over it. “I just want to say,” Ashlyn beamed at the girls, and in particular at Ali, “well bloody done. You are fucking lionesses, and I'm so proud of you like you wouldn't believe. Thank you. Pride on three!”

Afterwards, they went with their families to celebrate at a restaurant. While they dinned, Anna gave Ali the thumbs up to hold Wyatt after he was breastfeed, and Ashlyn observed with loving eyes as Ali wrapped her arms around the boy and let him play with her long dark hair as he fell asleep. She was looking at the baby with so much adoration it made something stir inside of Ashlyn, and she knew right then that she wouldn't stop until she gave that to Ali. No matter the cost.

  
  



	2. But not this way

**Chapter 2: But not this way.**

During October camp, they had a game in Tampa that fell exactly on Ashlyn's birthday, and as if Jill wanted to give her a birthday present, she was starting. Truth was she had been starting a lot lately, which made her feel great and at the top of the mountain. Alyssa had had shoulder surgery during the last winter and was taking things easy, and Ashlyn had been getting really good results and criticism, so she was happy to get more minutes on the field, and she was now past her 100th cap, which was something she had doubted it would happen for a long time. The game was a friendly versus Australia, which was great, as they'd get to see some of their Pride friends, although Ashlyn's family was unable to come due to work.

Ashlyn woke up 35 in the hotel room she was sharing with her long-time friend and teammate Megan Rapinoe, and feeling young and loved right away, as Megan woke her up singing the birthday song.

“Your phone has been buzzing,” Megan added passing it to her while she dressed for the day. Ashlyn, still half-asleep in bed and grinning big, took the phone and grinned bigger seeing it was her brother.

“Auntie!” Christopher appeared on her phone screen, cradling his two-month old son for her to see his face. “Happy birthday!” he added with a beaming smile.

“Happy birthday Ash!” Anna also appeared on screen, looking happy and giving her a warm look and a big happy smile. “We love you so much!”

“I love you too, guys,” Ashlyn couldn't possibly be happier. “How's it going?”

Attending the many phone calls and texts made Ashlyn a bit late for breakfast. Her whole family and friends had remembered, and they also wanted to congratulate her on starting that day, as good news flew fast in the Space Coast. But when she arrived for breakfast, everyone sang happy birthday and Ali gave her a small peck on the lips, and she just felt so lucky and blessed. Another reason why the game was so special was that it was Ali's goodbye game, so her family would come and they'd get to have a nice dinner afterwards with their loved-ones, celebrating both big occasions.

“I love that you'll be my captain on my birthday,” Ashlyn whispered to Ali catching her in the bathroom before the game and cornering her for an intense kiss. “Plus, you're already my captain in life.” She added as they parted.

“Then I guess it's captain's duty to give you a nice good luck kiss, right?” Ali smirked, before pulling her in for a bigger kiss.

The decision for this to be Ali's last game had been slightly last minute, although the US Soccer had it all prepared for her to get the typical honours. It had been a matter of wanting to start the IVF process quickly, because due to the nature of their chosen process, they both would have to go through certain treatments, and waiting until late November meant Ashlyn would very likely had to be putting on injections during January international camp and the Pride's pre-season. Starting now meant she could juggle it during the less hazardous months and off season, and then Ali could maybe get pregnant in January.

Ashlyn got unexpectedly emotional in the beginning of the game along with Ali during Ali's 'ceremony' as they posed for photographs, and wrapped her in a tight hug as she congratulated her by her ear. She had previously, hours before the game, posted a photograph of Ali as a little toddler playing ball along with a heartfelt caption;

' _Today's this Kween last professional soccer game. I'm so proud of you, Alex, of your outstanding career and accomplishments, your work ethic and the way you've become an example for all of us on and off the field. Congrats on an impressive career love, it's been an honour to play alongside you and it'll be an honour to accompany you through life and see what other huge things you're up to! Xx_ '

However when game time came, it was pure focus on the game and nothing else. It was only a couple minutes in the game when Ashlyn suddenly gave them a scare. She had just made a save and she was about to stand-up from the grass with the ball under her arm when she felt a sudden sharp pain in her chest, an odd one that was like a punch on the gut and knocked the wind out of her, making her collapse on her knees, let the ball go and press her hands against her chest as she leaned forward bowing her head down and clutching her eyes close, gasping in pain. The actual intense pain lasted a second, but then she was breathless and felt so suddenly dizzy that she had to grab onto the grass digging both hands into the ground in an attempt to stop the world from moving around her.

Then, she felt hands on her shoulders and looked up to see Ali looking worried as hell, talking to her, but she couldn't hear her or the stadium, not even the paramedics that were suddenly there. She desperately tried to breathe and inhaled hard, sounding like she was asphyxiating, which only worried the others more, and she felt herself be pushed to lie on the ground. It was maybe a couple minutes of feeling so terrible, and then suddenly it was all gone, as oddly as it had come. The stadium's roars came back to deafen her, the voices around her were heard, the pressure in her chest vanished and she could take one easy deep breath followed by others, noticing a paramedic had pulled her jersey up and was auscultating her.

“I'm fine,” Ashlyn gasped. “I'm okay.” She added more confident. Ali, who had lost the colour from her face and was holding her head on her lap, let out a breath in relief.

“Can you hear me now, Ashlyn?” the paramedic who was auscultating her asked, removing the medical item. Ashlyn nodded, feeling cold sweat on her face. “How are you feeling?”

“I'm totally fine,” Ashlyn assured, truly feeling strong and healthy again, sitting up and removing her gloves to clean her sweaty hands and face with a towel she was offered, and drink water from a bottle Alex Morgan gave her with a concerned expression.

“What was that?” Ali asked, squatting next to her and keeping a hand on her back. “It looked like you were having a heart attack.”

“I don't know, I felt like...” Ashlyn frowned, shaking her head. “Like a punch in the gut, it hurt intensely for like two seconds, and then I couldn't quite breathe and I got dizzy. But now I feel perfectly fine, for real... it was so weird. So fucking odd.”

“Well your heart and lungs sound just fine,” the paramedic said. “Doesn't seem like a heart attack. Are you in any pain now, dizzy maybe?”

“No,” Ashlyn shook her head again. “I'm telling you, it completely disappeared. I feel excellent now.” She was already putting back her gloves.

“You should sit on the bench just in case, Ashlyn,” Ali said anxiously. “Maybe you're suffering a heat stroke...”

“I've had those before, this doesn't feel like one,” Ashlyn assured, standing up. Ali and the others also stood up around her. “I'm sorry I worried you all, I don't know what it was. Scared myself too, but I'm fine now, there's no reason to keep everyone on their tiptoes.”

“All right, we'll let you continue,” the paramedic nodded. “But if you don't feel fine again, call for us. We'll check you properly inside at half time.”

“No problem,” then Ashlyn picked-up the ball from the grass and half smiled at Ali, getting over her own fear for her. “Don't worry love, I'm okay, I promise.”

“Okay,” Ali nodded, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Let's go ladies!”

The first half proceeded normally, which made Ashlyn wonder what the hell that had been about, and at half-time the team doctors checked her and concluded she was perfectly fine, albeit sweaty after a whole half. They made her drink more water and have some snack just to be sure, and then she played another half without allowing a single goal. She was absolutely good to go. Ali had a press conference after the game, so Ashlyn took her time showering and changing into her normal clothes after the post-game stretches, and waited with Ali's big brother Kyle and her parents Debbie and Ken until Ali was done showering and changing after the press thing.

“Surprise!” Heather O'Reilly appeared suddenly while the Kriegers and Ashlyn spoke in the stadium corridors waiting for Ali, and Ashlyn grinned as they hugged. “Happy birthday boo!”

“Thank you,” Ashlyn beamed as they separated. It was obvious she had been with the Kriegers, who were unsurprised. “I didn't know you were coming!”

“Duh, it was a surprise,” Heather kissed her cheek. “What was that in the first half?”

“I honestly don't know, but the docs said I'm fine,” Ashlyn shrugged. “I was just telling the Kriegers, I guess it was an almost heat stroke or maybe some muscle that got caught for a second...”

“Hao!” Ali arrived, jumping on Heather, and they laughed seeing the good friends.

They were joined by teammates and long-time friends Crystal Dunn, Sydney Leroux, Tobin Heath, Kelley O'Hara, Christen Press Alex Morgan and Megan Rapinoe for dinner at a restaurant and toasted both in Ali's honour, but also in Ashlyn's birth date honour.

“Maybe you should call your Mum, she'll be worried if she saw in the telly,” Kyle told Ashlyn as they ate dinner.

“Oh, you're right,” Ashlyn had been so distraught with her friends, it hadn't crossed her mind.

But as she grabbed her phone, that had been silenced, she was surprised not to have any messages from her brother or parents worried about her health, when usually there were if anything happened on the field, and instead she had three missing phone calls from her friend Officer Charlie O'Donnell. Charlie had been a classmate in high school, who went on to become police officer and worked in their natal Brevard County, and he was often the one to call her if her brother got into trouble.

So Ashlyn excused herself and walked outside to the restaurant's inside patio to call him back. He picked-up on the first ring.

“Ashlyn! Happy birthday, I was just trying to talk to you.”

“Hi Charlie, thank you and sorry, I'm in Tampa, we just had an international game.”

“Oh, right! Silly me, how did it go?” Charlie sounded tired, and she wondered if he was still at the office.

“Pretty great! It was Ali's retirement game, so it was bit bitter-sweet though. How's it going over there?” she added.

“It's uh... busy. Hey, so are you at the hotel, can I talk to you about something important?”

“Don't tell me Chris got into trouble again...”

“No, he hasn't broken the law in ages. Less now that his son's here, right? I just don't want to catch you in a bad time...”

“It's fine,” Ashlyn flopped on a bench the patio had. “I was just finishing dinner, but I went aside. How can I help you?”

“Look, Ash...” he sighed, getting more serious on the other end of the call. “You know you're my friend, okay? I love you and I'm here for you two hundred percent, anything you need.” Ashlyn half-smiled. He was just being sweet on birthday congratulations.

“Thanks mate, you know I feel the same way. You're so sweet!”

“Well, thing is... there's no easy way of saying this...”

“What's wrong?” Ashlyn worried suddenly, as her friend was sounding a little emotional.

“Christopher had a car accident this morning while driving with his fiancée, your parents and baby Wyatt.” Ashlyn felt her face lose colour and got a knot in her throat.

“Shit! Are they okay? What happened?”

“I'm not sure, I was informed by my boss so I could tell you instead of some stranger... they were driving through the I-4W, now that you mention the game I guess it's possible they were going to see you in Tampa, do you know?”

“They told me they couldn't come. Oh, they wanted to surprise me! Fuck...” Ashlyn frowned, feeling full of worry. “Are they in the hospital? I'll get there tonight...”

“No, Ashlyn, they're not in the hospital.”

“Then it was nothing, uh? I'll call them right awa-,”

“I didn't say it was nothing,” Charlie let a long sigh out. “Ashlyn, Wyatt was the only survivor, he was unscratched. Everyone else... Ashlyn, fuck... they're gone.”

  
  


  
  



	3. Underwater

**Chapter 3: Underwater.**

Ashlyn sat there in shock. She had just finished talking with Charlie on the phone. No one in her family and neighbourhood knew anything, because Charlie had made sure things were kept under wraps to protect Ashlyn's family from the press and to avoid sudden shock in all the family at once, paralysing them. Ashlyn still had three living grandparents who had just lost their children and one grandson, she had just been orphaned, and there was a family in Argentina who had lost their daughter or sister. And that was without mentioning Ashlyn's father Mike had a younger sister, Aunt Tina, who was married to Uncle Chris and they had two children, Carlin and David, who were grown now, Carlin was even Mrs Smith and mother of one by then. David, who was younger, wasn't married and had no kids, but the family was big enough as it was, and they would all be incredibly hurt, as well as their grandparents Mike and Eunice, and Ashlyn's mother's Tammye's family. Tammye's side was bigger, and it made things worse in this situation. Her parents were dead, but she had a step-mother who was very beloved, and who had loved her thoroughly, and also a brother, Ashlyn's Uncle James. Uncle James Habovick was married and father of three, Corey, Kyle and Cassidy Habovick. Kyle was also married to Lauren, and they were parents on one-year-old Porter, while Corey and his wife Brittany had the kids Ashlyn was closest to, her nephew Jenson, and her niece and goddaughter Raya. In conclusion, if the entire family heard the tragic news at once, with how close they all were and with many of them not being in Florida, things would get chaotic and they'd crumble at once, leaving no one to be strong for the rest.

So Ashlyn knew she couldn't call anyone, not right now, but at the same time she had to get someone to get Wyatt, who according to her friend Officer Charlie, was in an orphanage awaiting to be picked-up after a doctor had checked him over and ensured he was okay. So with a shaking hand, she phoned Corey, her closest cousin, successful shop-owner in Satellite and father of two.

“Happy birthday!” Corey said cheerful. Ashlyn felt a knot in her throat. This wasn't happy birthday at all.

“Corey,” she gasped hoarsely, trying to keep herself together.

“What's wrong?” he immediately knew there was a problem.

“Something terrible has happened. Are you alone?”

“Yes, Brittany went to walk the dogs with the kids and I stayed behind doing the dishes. What's wrong?”

“My friend Charlie, the police officer, he's going to be at your house in about a couple hours with Christopher's son Wyatt. You've got to take care of him for me, and I will be there to get him as soon as possible.”

“Why? Where are Chris and Anna?”

“Corey... you cannot tell a soul save for Brittany, okay? You have to promise me you won't tell anyone else a word for now.”

“Ashlyn, you're scaring me. I promise, but tell me what's going on, I'm freaking out!”

“Christopher and Anna had a car accident,” Ashlyn took a deep, shaky breath, and felt her eyes fill with tears, but pushed herself to sit strong. She had to be strong now, Wyatt was alone and needed her. “My friend Charlie just called and told me there was a horrible car accident and... Wyatt is just fine, miraculously, but he's in an orphanage while someone gets to him because his parents are in the hospital. Charlie will get him to you.”

“Oh my God, are Chris and Anna okay?”

“Absolutely,” Ashlyn lied. “So can I trust you with this?”

“Yes,” he said right away. “Yes, absolutely. Are you coming?”

“I will be there tonight, as soon as I possibly can, I promise. So don't go to sleep, please. When Brittany comes, put the kids to bed, prepare their old crib for Wyatt, tell Brittany what's happened, and make sure you both are okay to care for Wyatt. I will call you again when I'm in the area. And make sure no one finds a word out. Charlie won't be wearing his uniform to avoid anyone seeing a cop come into your house and raise attention.”

“Understood,” Corey nodded. “Ashlyn, your parents...”

“No one can know. I will take care of things. Don't worry about them right now, you have to focus on Wyatt.”

“He'll be fine, I promise. Will you be?”

“I have Ali here, her mother came road-trip from Miami so maybe she can lend us her car to get there tonight. Don't worry about me, just...”

“Wyatt.”

“Yes.”

“I love you Ash. Brittany's here, I'll see you soon. Drive safe.”

“I love you too.”

Ashlyn shoved her phone in her pocket with a shaking hand that felt cold and sweaty, and rubbed her face, taking a deep breath and focusing her mind on Wyatt. One thing at a time. She needed to make sure he was okay now, and worry about the rest, and mourn, later. She headed first to the bathroom to wash her face and try not to look like she had just seen the devil, although it was complicated, and then rushed back to the table, where they were just laughing hard. The minute Ali looked at her, though, she saw through it all.

“What's wrong?” Ali asked frowning in concern. Ashlyn gulped, taking a deep breath.

“Chris and Anna got into a car accident. They'll be fine,” she lied as she saw her friends and family start to worry, “but that was a friend of me in the police letting me know Wyatt was also there, came out unscratched, and is in an orphanage waiting to be picked-up, as his parents are both in hospital in Orlando. Apparently they were coming to the game to surprise me.”

“Ash-,”

“Not now Ali, please,” Ashlyn nodded for herself. “Right now Wyatt's the priority. My friend's going to drop him off at Corey's, but I want to be there tonight, as fast as possible. Corey told me he'd stay up. Chris and Anna are not the priority, so I have to go, right now.”

“Absolutely, I'm coming with you,” Ali stood up, grabbing her purse and in full action mode. “We'll have to call Jill though, you have a game in three days and our things are in the hotel.”

“We'll grab your stuff,” Tobin assured. “We'll give it to Kyle.”

“Right, I can get it all,” Kyle nodded, standing up.

“Thanks. Can you also tell Jill?” Ashlyn asked her teammates, who nodded. “Tell her I'm out of camp, okay? I'm Wyatt's legal guardian if anything happens to his parents, so I really cannot leave him now.”

“No problem,” Christen nodded. “Go be with your family, make sure they're fine.”

“How are you gonna get to Satellite?” Megan asked. “We can call you an Uber?”

“Fastest route is road, but it's too late to rent and if we call anyone we'll have to wait for them, and I'm not losing one second. So I was actually hoping, Debbie, could you please lend me your car?”

“Absolutely, here,” Debbie got the keys from her purse and handed them over. “Don't worry, I'll pick it up next time, can get a plane now. You'll have to find a station though, the deposit is half empty.”

“No problem,” Ashlyn gave Ali the keys. “Are you good to drive?”

“Sure, I sobered-up just now,” Ali had only had one glass of wine, and now felt perfectly sober. “Let's go.”

Between Ashlyn and the GPS, Ali had enough guidance, driving fast from Tampa. She was lucky to be a great driver, and soon they were bordering South Orlando towards Satellite Beach. Ashlyn was visibly upset, not crying, but sitting very still, refusing the radio, looking very pale and tense, and Ali just figured she was worried about her brother and sister-in-law.

“I can get Wyatt home tonight and drop you off at the hospital so you can be with Christopher and Anna, if you want,” Ali offered as she drove through the night, trying to stay the calm and chill one.

“No, thanks,” Ashlyn said hoarsely. “Maybe I'll go in the morning. I just want to be with Wyatt right now.” Ali reached a hand to squeeze hers softly.

“I'm sure they'll all be fine. And Wyatt's a sleepy boy, he probably has no idea this has happened.” Ashlyn nodded. Trying to keep her lies to a strict minimum, she simply squeezed Ali's hand back and didn't tell her they wouldn't be fine because they were dead.

When they got to Corey and Brittany's house it was nearing one in the morning, but they received them in pyjamas, with hugs and tea offerings that Ashlyn denied, rushing to the living room, where Wyatt was sleeping in a little bouncer that belonged to his cousins.

“He's completely fine, cried a little when he woke from his nap, but fell back asleep after we gave him a baby bottle. Your friend gave us something for newborn's bottles.” Corey commented as Ashlyn wrapped Wyatt in her arms with urgency, checking him for bruises and scratches, but he was really fine.

“I owe you a big one,” Ashlyn said flopping on the sofa. She knew she was shaking, so she hugged Wyatt closer and kissed his forehead trying not to show any distress, and Ali sat next to her and wrapped an arm over her shoulders, caressing Wyatt's hair with her free hand.

“Nonsense,” Corey said simply.

“Did they tell you how bad the injuries are?” Brittany asked, sitting on the coffee table in front of them and looking worried.

“My friend didn't know details,” Ashlyn answered sincerely. “I'll keep Wyatt with us and tomorrow morning Ali can stay with him while I try to find out exactly what happened. We should stay at Christopher's, I've got a spare key.”

“Sure,” Ali nodded, kissing the top of her head. Christopher had a spare room as well, and all of Wyatt's things were there, so it only made sense. “Shouldn't we tell your parents?”

“No,” Ashlyn paled a little further, “the least people know for now, the better. News here spread really fast, it's enough to have a slip with one person for the whole county, and then press, to know in one hour. They're very beloved people, popular, and our family is big and everyone will be so anxious and sleepless tonight if we start calling. It's better to let the news arrive slowly, give time for everyone to stay calm.”

“Yeah, and besides, tomorrow you will be able to tell your parents they're going to be fine, instead of an anguishing lack of details,” Corey said optimistically.

“Let's go,” Ashlyn stood up. “Thanks again guys. It's late, I'll call you tomorrow.”

If being in her dead brother's home disturbed Ashlyn, she didn't let it show. She avoided looking at pictures, and focused on the night routine of putting Wyatt in his crib, sing him a lullaby, and then, lacking pyjamas but not liking to sleep naked in someone else's bed, Ashlyn had to accept Ali's proposal of staying in panties, but with some of Christopher's big pyjama t-shirts to cover themselves a little. The goalkeeper did her best not to cry as she slid into the warm shirt that smelled of her brother, and curled in bed, taking deep breaths to calm herself, while Ali hugged her, spooning.

“It's gonna be okay,” Ali assured her, keeping a tight embrace. “We'll help them recover from this.”

Ashlyn couldn't hold back a sob this time, and Ali worried further and held her tighter, thinking she was just panicking a little. But she couldn't lie to her wife anymore.

“They're not going to be okay, Alex,” Ashlyn said turning around, and Ali quickly cupped her face brushing the tears away and turning a lamp on to see her properly. She was extraordinarily pale, and it made the former defender feel uneasy. “Alex... I lied. They're not in the hospital. They're dead.” Ali's eyes widened and she looked at her in shock.

“Dead?” Ashlyn nodded.

“I didn't know how to say it,” tears were falling down Ashlyn's cheeks now freely and she kept sniffling and gasping as she tried to hold it together. “And they're not the only ones. My parents were in the car too. It was going to be a birthday surprise, coming to the game together... but only Wyatt survived. The rest are all dead.”

“Oh my God, Ashlyn,” Ali covered her mouth with one hand, her eyes filling with tears as the news sunk in, and she propeled herself forward to hug Ashlyn close. “I'm so sorry.” She sobbed out as Ashlyn broke into crying against her chest and she held her close, letting herself cry as well but making sure she stayed somewhat in her feet, not wanting to lose it completely in front of Ashlyn.

  
  



	4. Let it rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER:
> 
> All of this is FICTION. Even when there are characters named after and inspired on real people, and even when there might be real locations and historical events. It's still a FICTIONAL story, and it's not meant to detriment, insult or hurt anyone, but only with the purpose of entertainment.
> 
> I think we can all use some entertainment in our lives through these difficult times. I don't know you, but I've lost nearly everything over Covid. I no longer have a job, a career, and all my professional plans for this year are, as for now, cancelled. I can't even make any future professional plans as for now. I literally had to pack my bags, leave my first house since I moved out from my childhood home, and leave my friends there, my life there, everything, for God knows how long, so I could return home and take care of my elderly mother less than a week ago. And now I'm fighting to stay healthy so I can keep her healthy and take care of her, while we live on our savings, that's all we have left. And writing brings me a little bit of joy and for what I see, reading brings you a bit of joy too, and I think we can all use as much joy now as we can get. So that's the only purpose of fanfiction for me, nothing else, and certainly, nothing moved by some "white saviour complex" or a desire to deprecate anyone or anything.
> 
> Thank you all for your support and your comments. We will get through this, I don't know how, I don't know when, but we will. Trust me on this.

**Chapter 4: Let it rain.**

It was a bad night. Ashlyn twisted and turned, Ali woke up and tried to soothe her, but she'd still calm five minutes only to start whimpering and murmuring things, waking herself up every few hours, while other times both of them would have to get up to attend Wyatt's needs, until finally Ashlyn got up with the sunrise and after a bathroom trip and checking on Wyatt in his nursery, walked over to her brother's kitchen looking for alcohol frenetically for a few seconds. Then she stopped herself, realizing she wasn't going to find any because they had a no-alcohol policy, due to Christopher's complicated past.

“Fuck,” Ashlyn blurted out. Her head was pounding and she desperately needed a drink, but she took a deep breath and instead walked back to the nursery. It was a blue room with tons of decoration, toys and an armchair right next to the crib, where she sat, playing with her wedding band as she looked at the sleeping baby. “What are we gonna do, Wyatt?” she murmured tiredly, the dark bags prominent under her eyes.

“Keep living,” Ali had appeared in the doorstep, and looked warmly at her. She, too, looked pale and tired and had bags under her eyes. She walked over to Ashlyn and sat sideways on her lap, putting her arms around her neck and kissing the top of her head. “Do you also have the worst headache?” she asked softly.

“Yeah. And a desire to throw up, being totally honest. I have to call Jill, and go to the morgue, identify the bodies, get more formula for the bottles, call the lawyer, get the testaments, plan four funerals, call Anna's parents, figure how to tell my-,”

“Sh...” Ali stopped her before she could evolve into a panic attack. “Listen, I'll call Jill, and the rest is one step at a time. Shower, dress, go for the formula, I'll take care of the boy and organize a meeting with our lawyer.” Ashlyn let a long breath out and nodded.

“Thank you Alex. I don't know how I'd do this without you.”

“I'm your wife. There's nothing I wouldn't do.”

Ashlyn looked distraught for a moment, and then looked up at her.

“I want us to adopt Wyatt. I thought a lot about it tonight and... we could bring him up as our own son in Orlando. And when he's older, we'll explain to him that his biological parents died and it was their wish for us, his biological aunts, to have him as our son, so he gets to have one mum and dad, but also two adoptive mums, and an extra set of grandparents and other relatives in your side. And that way, even though he lost so much... he'd earn so much more. We could keep having children, and have Wyatt be the big brother just like his dad.”

Ali looked thoughtful for a moment and then nodded.

“Of course,” the former defender agreed, caressing her hair. “You know I love him, he's ours, and he's going to stay with us. But we should leave the legal paperwork for later, right? Finish burials first...”

“Yeah. Everything is legally sorted for us to be his guardians so it's not urgent. We have every right over him now. Sucks though, that this is how we become mothers...” she sighed, looking at Wyatt.

“Look at it the nice way,” said Ali, kissing the top of her head. “Wyatt will get a happy life with people who truly love him, which is all his parents wanted for him. And he's with us, not with some stranger. Chris and Anna were smart and prudent enough to make sure that was legally settled... it was their wish. And we'll carry on with it. One day, when Wyatt's older, we'll tell him how incredible his parents were, and grandparents, and how they loved him so much they made sure from day one that if the worst happened, he would be with the right family.”

A sob escaped Ashlyn's lips and she rubbed her eyes impatiently.

“I wish my parents were here,” Ashlyn murmured emotional. “I wouldn't feel so lost... and I wouldn't have to tell my grandparents their kid died. I'm going to kill them, Alex.” Ali held her tighter and let her broke into crying, rubbing her palm up and down the muscled back and battling her own tears.

“I'm sure wherever they are, they'll guide us,” Ali assured in a whisper, pressing her cheek against the other woman's beach hair as she hugged her close. “They'll show us what to do and lighten our path...”

While Ashlyn left, Ali took her phone and sat by Wyatt's crib without the appetite for breakfast, putting together the words in her mind before calling her former boss. Ashlyn had told her to tell Jill the full truth, so she'd be understanding, but also not to tell the others until after the last game, to ensure it wouldn't affect their playing. Some teammates were Chris' friends as well, and most knew at least Ashlyn's mum, who had hung out with them more often. Besides, it wasn't odd to hurt for a friend when they went through such an unbelievably big tragedy.

“Good morning Coach,” Ali greeted trying to sound in a good mood.

“Ali, hi! How's Ashlyn's brother? The girls told me he had an accident.”

“Yes, that's why we left and why I'm calling. Ashlyn's not feeling very talkative, uh... are you alone, can we talk?”

“Yes, I was just in my room. What's wrong?” Jill knew her worker's tones well enough.

“Look uh... last night Ashlyn lied to make sure the rest of the team was in a good mood for the upcoming game, so you're going to have to lie as well if you want to keep them cheerful. Jill... the car accident was way worse.” Ali murmured sadly, her eyes fixed on Wyatt.

“Shit... please tell me Chris' not dead.”

“Chris wasn't alone with his fiancée and baby in the car. Ashlyn's parents were there as well. They were going to come to the game and surprise her on her birthday, police thinks, because they had the accident between Orlando and Tampa. And uh...” Ali took a deep breath. “The baby was the only one who made it out alive. Ashlyn's parents, brother and sister-in-law are... dead.”

There was a moment of silence and then Jill sighed deeply.

“Holly fuck... So that's why you left so suddenly, of course...” Jill murmured, sounding afflicted.

“Yeah. Ashlyn was worried sick about her nephew, Wyatt's only two months old and he was in an orphanage's care. He's with us now, Chris and Anna put us as his legal guardians in the event of a tragedy.” Ali felt nauseous discussing the matter. She still couldn't believe this was happening.

“What a fucking destiny's joke,” Ali was surprised to hear her curse like that. “They are such a lovely, nice family, kind... I'm so sorry for them. Thank God you're with her through this hell, please let her know she can ask me anything, okay? Anything she needs. We gave Kyle both of your things, but if we can do anything else...”

“For now, you can't tell a fly, Jill. Ashlyn has only told me, and now you. She's scared of her family's reaction. Her father's parents still live, and so does her mother's step-mother, but they're old and she's afraid they'd get a heart attack from this and die too, not to mention all her aunts and uncles and cousins... You know how close they all are, this is going to... it's going to be terrible, once they know. And we're also trying to keep the press at bay, so they leave the family alone.”

“Oh my, I hadn't thought of that... of course, they're going to be broken...” Jill's voice sounded very charged with emotion now, almost breaking, and she took a deep breath. “What an undeserved tragedy...”

“Ashlyn won't come back to soccer for this year, at least. She's fine with the girls knowing, but only when camp's over, and only if they can keep the secret. The least people know, the better to keep press away. We're in Satellite now, but when we go back to Orlando, Ashlyn's family will still be exposed to press and paparazzi and this is very juicy news for those who love gossip and morbid things.”

“I understand, she's being very smart and putting her family first as always, didn't expect less. We'll keep it petit comitée, inside the team only. Coaching staff and players, and only when this is over. We'd like to show-up for the funeral, though, I don't imagine you know when it'll be?”

“We haven't even looked at the papers yet. We don't even have them. Ashlyn's trying to muster the strength to tell her family today, and maybe tomorrow we'll start planning the funeral... Ashlyn was told they're in the morgue for now, at the hospital,” Ali explained. They had spoken a bit about it at times during the night, so she had some information. “I think we'll delay it as much as possible because there's so much to get done. I think Ashlyn already asked her cop friend to get the remains to be preserved best as possible to buy us time. Once the family knows, I'll get my family over to help us so we can do this quickly.”

“The faster you get it done, the faster the mourning begins. Of course I understand Ashlyn won't be talking much any time soon... I'll tell the girls you're busy taking care of Wyatt and to give you both space, for now. Please keep me informed.”

“Will do. Thanks Jill, bye.”

“Sending you all, the very best and much love.”

Ali was just finishing talking with their family lawyer and arranging things to get the testaments when she heard the door open. She hung up and hurried to see Ashlyn coming home looking like death itself and carrying a bag with baby things.

“I handled Jill and also called Tom, they both send all their love and asked for us to call if there was anything else they could do,” Ali informed while Ashlyn flopped on the sofa and leaned forward, supporting her forehead on her hands. Ali was quickly to understand she was feeling unwell and sat next to her keeping a hand on her lower back so she'd feel she was there.

“I threw up,” Ashlyn murmured. “In the street. No one saw, but... God, I feel so sick.” Ali looked sadly at her and felt for her forehead, feeling she had a bit of a fever.

“Why don't you go lie down?” Ali proposed. “Look, I think maybe you could feel better if you didn't put it all on you. Let me tell Corey, and he can tell his parents and siblings. Uncle James can tell his step-mother and wife, and then you'll just have to talk with your father's side. I can call Anna's parents and I can get my family here to help. I don't have grandparents, so my parents have experience dealing with funerals and can help so much with the paperwork. And you can lie down one hour before we both go to the hospital.”

Ashlyn moved to lie on the sofa and curled into a ball, but looked at her and nodded.

“Please, do anything you think will help, because I'm... I don't know where to start.”

“Don't worry, love,” Ali squatted by the sofa and caressed her face softly. “I'm going to take care of both of you. You sleep a little, you need it now.”

Once she had tucked Ashlyn in with a blanket and feed Wyatt a baby bottle he heavily tried to resist, used to breast, plus changed his nappies, Ali called first her brother Kyle to give her strength, then Corey, and after breaking Corey's heart but getting him to assure her he'd inform his father and siblings and do his best to cut Ashlyn some slack, she went on to call her own parents. She was trying to keep her own emotions at bay through the whole process, often finding her voice broke or her eyes watered, but pulling through, because Ashlyn really couldn't deal with her breaking down now. Then she took Wyatt in her arms for a few seconds because he started sobbing, and once he was calm again and would just chill in his crib, she looked for a bucket all around the house and put it by Ashlyn, checking she definitely had a fever and looked restless as she slept. It was like Ashlyn to get sick with emotional distress, as, like they said, the stomach was the first to show all emotional pains.

Checking the bag Ashlyn had brought, she saw aside from baby essentials Ashlyn had gotten them toothbrushes, deodorant and some strong painkillers, so she took one for her own nursing headache, and after transporting Ashlyn's bucket to their bedroom, she carefully took Ashlyn in her arms, clenching her teeth as Ashlyn was a bit heavier than she remembered. Ashlyn was usually the one to hold her. She took her to their bed and snuggled with her, deciding to join a short nap before they had to go.

They were both quickly fast asleep, but when half an hour later the doorbell rang, Ali woke up and rushed out of bed before the doorbell could awake anyone else. Looking through the peep hole, she saw it was Uncle James with Corey, both looked like they had suddenly aged and like they had been crying. After greeting each other with hugs, Ali invited them for some tea and explained Ashlyn was sick, as it often happened when things were really bad in life. Turns out, James had a proposal of getting Ali and going over to the hospital, if they could call Officer Charlie and find out which one was it, to handle the paperwork necessary for the remains to be properly preserved for as long as possible, so they'd have time to plan everything. Meanwhile, Corey would take care of Ashlyn and Wyatt.

“Babe,” Ali woke Ashlyn gently. “Listen, Corey is here, okay?” Ashlyn nodded. “And Uncle James came to pick me up, we'll go to the hospital and ensure everything is taken care of for you, if that's okay?”

“Yeah,” Ashlyn murmured weakly. “Thank you Alex.”

“I'll be back as soon as possible,” Ali pecked her lips, not caring she had recently thrown-up. “I love you.”

After getting dressed and ready, Ali left. Getting in the car with James, a former fireman now retired, Ali had a sense that things would be fine for the first time in the last twenty-four hours. Even though James was grieving his sister and other relatives, he was on full duty mode, having learned through his job to keep his shit together even through the worst circumstances and do what your people needed you to do. He wasn't losing everything like Ashlyn was. He didn't struggle with depression and anxiety like Ashlyn did. He had his three wonderful children and three grandchildren, and now, Ali knew, he was just thinking how much his sister would be telling him to help her daughter and grandson to push through this hell. So even though at times his eyes filled with tears, he kept driving, thanking Ali for being there, and seeing what he could do.

  
  


  
  



	5. Arrangements

**Chapter 5: Arrangements.**

Once at the hospital it was a matter of finding someone who knew anything. Ali had spoken with Charlie on the phone, and so they met in the hospital so Charlie's authority could open them some doors.

“Lisa,” Charlie called a nurse as they followed him through a dimly-lighted corridor. “This is James Habovick, Tammye Harris' brother, and this is Ali Krieger-Harris, her daughter-in-law. They're here for the remains of Tammye, Mike and Chris Harris, and Chris' fiancée Anna, who all passed last night in a car accident.”

“I'm so sorry for your losses, it's always a tragedy but when it's more than one and of the same family, it's absolutely terrible,” the nurse, Lisa, looked kindly at them. “Are you their closest relatives?”

“My wife, Ashlyn,” explained Ali. “She's the only remaining child of Tammye and Mike, but she's understandably heartbroken and she has even gotten so sick from grief that she's just in bed. I come in her place, she's asked me to do anything I can. Can't we take care of things for her?”

“Well, I imagine the victims' parents are also unavailable? Tammye's and Mike's?”

“Yes,” James intervened. “Our parents passed away, and our step-mother and Mike's parents are quite old people, we haven't even had the heart to tell them yet. Ashlyn is also taking care of Chris and Anna's newborn son, so... it would really be better if we could handle things for now, take a bit off her shoulders.”

“All right, then come with me, I'll introduce you to the forensic doctor who's in charge.”

“I'll leave now, work waits,” Charlie said. “Give Ashlyn a big hug for me. I'm so sorry guys.”

“Thank you for everything Charlie, you're a good mate,” James thanked him.

They sat in a nice-looking office and waited for a few seconds until Doctor Maura Isles came around. She was a beautiful, smart-looking woman who was immediately sympathetic and hugged them both as she gave them her condolences, and then they sat together on a sofa to discuss arrangements. The bodies had been first brought to Orlando, but now were there in Satellite Beach, just kept in the morgue until decisions were made.

“Because of the natural biological processes, I have them refrigerated to try to preserve them, will do embalming after 24h to give more time, but it will only slow things down, so my recommendation is to try to have this happen as fast as possible,” Doctor Isles said with a soft, gentle tone. “If you can sign the authorization, I can make sure they go to the funeral home and are taken-care of properly. I'm also going to give you the copies of the death certificates, one second...” she went to a closet and pulled out a folder she brought over, finding the papers and handing them over. When Ali saw Christopher's name on one, she immediately felt a lump in her throat.

“Take them to the funeral home,” James nodded, signing the authorization alongside Ali. “Did Ashlyn say if she wanted them buried or cremated?” he added looking at Ali, who already had glassy eyes and shook her head.

“We haven't gotten to talk about it,” Ali said with an emotional voice. “But our family lawyer is working to bring us the testaments today, we know Chris and Anna had a joint one done where they probably said what they wanted, and if Mike and Tammye didn't, I guess Ashlyn will prefer to do the same as with the others, and have it all arranged at once. Can we do that?” she added looking at the doctor. “Can we handle the four at once, or do we need separate services?”

“It'll depend on the funeral home, but I don't see why not. It would certainly speed things up, which is the ideal thing not just to make sure the bodies remain in a decent state but also so you can start the moving on process quickly.”

“We'll do that then,” Ali nodded. “Better that way. Will they be in the funeral home today?”

“Yes, before noon. I am going to need... well...” Doctor Isles sighed. “A last identification. Just to be completely sure, as they have only been identified by Charlie as a family friend.”

James and Ali paled.

“Do we need to see them?” James choked out.

“Just facial photographs. They don't look too bad, they died a fast death... Chris and Anna died on impact from internal injuries, and Mike and Tammye were in the back died in minutes from other injuries, as the car rolled several times very violently, so it was like being in a...washing machine with a belt. We could do it with DNA samples, but since you're not biologically related to Mike or Anna, we'd need a sample from Ashlyn and the baby that survived.”

“No, we'll do it,” Ali wasn't willing to have Ashlyn do any of this, and James also nodded. He had seen bodies before. Ali hadn't, but she'd pull through.

They held hands as the doctor brought another folder, and pulled out four papers out of each, showing the faces of Christopher, Tammye, Mike and Anna. Aside from their paleness and the few bandages here and there covering wounds, they looked like they were sleeping. James was quick to let out a sob and get up to walk to a corner and calm himself down facing away, and Ali just stared at them, the reality sinking in. This may be the last time she saw them, and her eyes filled with tears. Each photo had a name scribbled below identifying them, and Ali checked they were properly spelled before looking away and taking a deep breath, rubbing her eyes.

“The identifications are correct,” Ali murmured with a broken voice. James came back rubbing his face furiously with one hand and sat down again, taking Ali's hand again.

“Yes,” he nodded, and cleared his voice. The doctor took the photographs away, muttering apologizes. “Do you need full names or other information?”

“No, we grabbed everything from medical records and even police records,” Doctor Isles explained. “We put a bracelet tag with their identification so they're never lost, you don't have to worry about anything. So we're done here, if you give me your phone numbers I'll call you with the funeral home information and give you the name and number of who to call to meet and have a conversation about funeral arrangements.”

They were given a box with their relatives' phones, wallets, jewellery and other found personal belongings before leaving. Once back in the car, they took a moment to collect themselves, just sitting there without even putting on their seatbelts. Police, according to Charlie, was still investigating what had happened, based on witnesses, traffic cameras, the statement of the arrested man, the evidence found in the place and the car, and the injuries the dead had sustained, although autopsies hadn't been done, to avoid putting the family through more, and because when the ambulance had attended them at the scene it had been clear how they died. They had their seatbelts on, and the possibility of any of them being intoxicated or driving wrong was crossed off thanks to the cameras and the few witnesses, that saw the car was being driven just fine.

What had happened, as Charlie had told them at the hospital, was that they were driving through a road adjacent to the main highway, probably looking for a gas station or getting back on the highway after having some breakfast, and the road only had one lane in each direction. In a point that had no curves, a big truck had invaded their lane at great speed and in an attempt to avoid frontal collision, Chris, who was at the wheel, had brusquely turned the car, with such lack of fortune that the truck hit his side, and impulsed the vehicle to roll off the road violently, downhill, crashing against a traffic barrier before a few meters later colliding with a few palm trees. The state of the car had been that of a crushed can, and the victims had horrible injuries. Wyatt had been saved partially by miracle and partially because he was in a very good car seat, with a blanket tucked over him that even when it moved protected him from the glass flying around.

And now as they were in the car, they were conscious that's how their relatives had died. In a car just like theirs.

“Thank God Ashlyn has you,” James murmured.

“Thank God I have her,” Ali replied with a small tearful smile, squeezing his hand for a second. “So you haven't told Tracey yet?”

“I'm going to now,” said James with a nod. “Worst was my wife and our children, I guess. Does Anna's family know?”

“Not yet. I guess now I could find their numbers in Anna's phone,” Ali looked at the unopened box they had put on the backseat. “Or ask Charlie to locate them, better. I'll call them as soon as I have that, and then I'll call Ashlyn's Aunt Tina, her Dad's sister. She can tell Ashlyn's cousins, I suppose, and then we'll see how to tell her grandparents best.”

“Poor people,” James sighed, shaking his head. “Losing their son, once daughter-in-law and a grandson at once. I'd die.”

“That's what Ashlyn's afraid of. They're not getting any younger.”

“If there's anything else I can do, Ali... just let me know. I know Mike's family and... I'm very sorry they're going through this as well. Regardless of what happened between Tammye and him, Mike was a good man, a wonderful father and a great brother-in-law.”

“Thanks, James. You've done a lot already.”

James and Tammye were children of a former US Air Force pilot and later fireman, James Habovick Senior, who was originally from Pittsburgh. They had been in Satellite for many years, since the kids were very little, and they considered themselves from Satellite and would stay there for the remaining of their lives. Ali could see traces of James Senior, who had died days before Ali's 27th birthday only months after Ashlyn and herself had begun dating, in his son, and even in Tammye. Ashlyn was more like her Dad, but deep inside Ali always thought the fact that she was the granddaughter of such an incredible man was very fitting. She hadn't been able to attend that funeral, but she had had to console Ashlyn then, and it hadn't been as terrible as this was, even when she was only twenty-five. Now, Ali reflected as they drove back to Christopher's house, Ashlyn had to face her biggest loss yet, even if it was only about the third funeral she'd ever attend. She had last bid farewell to a former coach and friend from Satellite, which had already been heartbreaking enough, and Ali didn't want to imagine how this funeral would go. Ali had never attended one in her life, but she'd happily attend this one if it meant being there for Ashlyn.

“Hi,” Ali saluted as she entered the kitchen. Corey sat around the table giving a baby bottle to Wyatt, while Ashlyn was surprisingly sitting next to them slowly eating a sandwich without much appetite, still looking rather unwell. “How are you feeling babe?” she asked kissing Ashlyn's cheek.

“Corey got me something for the stomach that actually helped,” Ashlyn said, sounding drained. “I figured I should try to eat a little, if I don't want to faint and add more drama to the occasion. How did it go?”

“They'll be in the funeral home today, before noon,” James replied sitting with them and caressing one of Wyatt's little foot gently. “I'm going to go now and let Tracey know what happened.”

“You go Dad, I'll stay,” said Corey. “Make sure my sibs are okay. Kyle texted and said he, Lauren and Porter are on the plane to come from Alabama, and Cassidy came to pick up the keys to Ashlyn's house and has gone to get their essentials and Logan, who's with a friend over there.”

“Good, we're going to need underwear,” Ali admitted, sitting next to Ashlyn and keeping an arm around her. She wasn't hungry. “My family should also be here soon with our things from camp, so we'll have enough to get by for a few days, and I'll go to get us stuff for the funeral later maybe.”

“Cassidy will,” Ashlyn said. “I gave her very precise descriptions of what we want. Told her to get you that black dress you like, the one you wore for Kyle's birthday dinner a few months back, and your favourite jacket and heels, is that okay? You can call her if you prefer something else...”

“It's good,” Ali nodded. “I can always pass by later if I see we're going to need anything else. But in any case, clothes are secondary. I was thinking of calling Charlie to locate Anna's family in Argentina, and also call Aunt Tina.”

“I called Tina already,” said Ashlyn. “She'll tell my cousins. And I'll visit my grandparents later today.”

“Won't Tina do that?”

“No, I told her it had to be me. Communications Major, right? I want to make sure to be there for them when they find out, they've lost their son. And I want to bring Wyatt so they see why we need to keep going and don't crumble. Wyatt needs to be our reason to keep going no matter what, we owe it to Chris.”

“You're absolutely incredible,” Ali kissed her shoulder and leaned her head there. “I'll go with you if you want. It's gonna be okay, we've got this. There will be better days.”

“Hope you're right,” James murmured tiredly. “At least Wyatt's okay. It's a miracle to appreciate, despite it all.”

A couple hours later, Corey and Ali were having a little bit of soup with Debbie, Ken and Kyle, who had arrived a few minutes before, while Ashlyn left to see her grandparents after a sad phone conversation with Anna's parents, that Charlie had located. She had preferred to go solo, so she had left Wyatt asleep and gone to Palm Bay, about half an hour away by taxi, where her grandparents lived. She'd previously stop by her parents' respective houses to check everything was in order and grab clothes for their burials, and once it was all said and done, she'd call Ali to sort the rest of the afternoon out. Before leaving, she and Ali had received a brief visit of their family lawyer, who came from Orlando and who had retrieved Chris and Anna's joint testament and confirmed Ashlyn's parents lacked one, so after seeing it was Chris and Anna's wish to be buried in the same cemetery as Grandpa James in Satellite Beach, it was decided Ashlyn's parents had the same destiny, and they rested side by side.

The doorbell rang and Corey went to open the door for his sister Cassidy.

“Alex, hi,” Cassidy hugged her. “I'm so glad you're here.”

“I'm so sorry,” Ali murmured, hugging her close. “How are you?”

“Better than you probably, must be the first time I see you without any make-up!” Cassidy smiled small. She had two of Ashlyn and Ali's suitcases by the kitchen door, and Corey was taking them into their bedroom.

“Yeah, well,” Ali managed a smile and moved so she could salute her family. “Remember my brother Kyle? And my parents, Debbie and Ken, came to help out.”

“Of course, it's so nice to see you again.”

“We're so very sorry,” Debbie hugged her. “Will you sit with us? Have you had any lunch?”

“It'd be nice,” Cassidy sat with them, and Corey joined them after a moment. “I completely forgot about eating, thank you.” The blonde looked tired but to be holding it together pretty well, and smiled at Debbie as a plate was put in front of her.

“Thanks for grabbing our stuff,” said Ali. “Where's Logan though?”

“Ashlyn told me to leave her with her, I think she wanted some dog time, so we met in the street. Logan's huge, what do you feed her?”

“Too many treats,” Ali was relieved Ashlyn was with the dog. Logan always had a magical effect of comfort.

“For sure. I put her stuff in one of the suitcases though, food and all.”

“Perfect, thanks.”

“So...” Cassidy took a bit of the soup and then looked hesitant for a moment. “When are the funerals?”

“It will be one,” Ali explained, “for all. But Anna's parents are coming from Buenos Aires, and won't be here until tomorrow, so the funeral will probably be the day after to let them rest after such a long flight. Or even later, because we've yet to find friends and all and let them know.”

“Don't you guys have a camp to return to?” Corey asked, sipping from his beer. “At least Ashlyn, I forgot you retired.”

“No more soccer for the year,” Ali replied. “Ashlyn says Wyatt's the priority, and she's right. We'll stay. At most, we might go home tomorrow for a few hours to prepare the house for Wyatt so after the funeral we don't see ourselves with still having to do much more.”

“Good,” Corey nodded. “We're stronger together.”

“How's Ash? I heard she was sick?” Cassidy inquired.

“It's just her emotions making her feel sick, but she'll be better after a good night of sleep. We didn't sleep at all last night.”

After lunch, Kyle and the Habovick cousins took Wyatt on a stroll around, and Ali fell asleep for a couple hours while her parents put Ashlyn and Ali's dirty laundry to wash so they'd have something clean to wear. Cassidy had brought make-up, hairbrushes, and all sorts of things from the Krieger-Harris house, so they'd be well-off. During Ali's nap, Ashlyn stopped by to leave Logan and salute her parents-in-law, that were the only ones in the house and gave her tight hugs before she had to quickly change into clean clothes and leave for the funeral home. She looked more active and ready for war, but Ken still decided to go with her and help her with the initial paperwork in the funeral home.

  
  



	6. We'll be warriors

**Chapter 6: We'll be warriors.**

Ken arrived in the evening without Ashlyn, who according to him, had gone to check on her grandparents one last time before coming for dinner. Feeling like she needed to get out, Ali suggested they'd go on tourism, so with Logan, Wyatt and her family, the Habovicks having returned home, they went on a walk around the beach, getting some fresh air to lighten the weight of their heavy hearts. They were outside when Ashlyn phoned Ali to let her know they were having a family dinner at her grandparents' house, with both the Harrises and the Kriegers, including those cousins who had finally arrived from their respective homes in and out of Florida, and that they should join. Logan was more than welcomed and they could just go there right away. It'd be a little crowded, but crowded was more than welcomed under the current situation.

The grandparents lived in the neighbourhood of Port Malabar, and like Ashlyn and Ali, had a canal in the backyard. They had a one-storey pretty house they had put a lot of love and care into, and they were the epitome of heads of family, with photographs of all their grandchildren and own children all over the place. Even Wyatt, who was so young, was already everywhere.

“Hi you,” Ashlyn smiled opening the front door and pecking Ali on the lips.

“I missed you,” Ali hugged her, kissing her cheek in the process. The goalkeeper was wearing one of her nicest shirts and looked tired, with bags under her eyes, but not as deflated as she had in the morning.

“I missed you too. Hi Logan! Where's our boy?”

Inside it was all hugs. Ashlyn's grandparents were the greatest example of strength Ali had ever seen, and smiled at her as they hugged and Ali gave them her condolences.

“Heaven needed a few more angels, that's all,” Curtis Harris said with glassy eyes and a small smile. “We need to be grateful for what we still have.”

“You're right,” Ali smiled at him, grateful for his strength to keep his family united.

Because they were so many, Ashlyn and her cousins carried the big dinning table into the backyard, by the canal, where it was beautiful and a fresh autumn's evening. Curtis turned on the outside lights and Eunice put candles on the middle of the table, and everyone sat down and was served plenty of mac and cheese. The three families embraced as one, and Habovicks sat between Harrises and Kriegers like old friends, and the environment was great. Ashlyn picked her nephew up as her 'little helper' while she filled plates, and there were smiles between the glassy eyes for once in the day. Curtis and Eunice Harris sat together, and were joined by their daughter and son-in-law, Tina and Chris Senior, and their grandchildren Ashlyn, Carlin and David. Carlin's husband stayed behind with their child because Carlin knew it was far too chaotic to bring a one-year-old in. But between the Harrises there were Ken, Kyle and Ali Krieger, and Debbie Christopher, and Tammye's family, that consisted of her step-mother Tracey, her brother and sister-in-law, two nephews, one niece, two nieces-in-law and then great-nephew and a great-niece who were with their mother's side of the family to avoid more chaos in the house and because this was an adult thing. So in total, they were twenty adults and Wyatt, but none minded being tight in the table, elbowing the neighbour every now and then by accident. It felt great to be united in their pain instead of suffering home alone.

Ashlyn sat between her Nana and Ali with Wyatt on her lap, but at one point she passed him to Ali and stood up.

“Everyone, a word please,” Ashlyn called, not needing to raise the voice much because the table was, understandably, not too loud. “I just want to explain a couple things. First of all, the visitation will be held at the funeral home tomorrow and the day after, and the joint burials will be on Friday the 23rd, with closed coffins. I've spoken with Anna's parents, who are currently flying here from Buenos Aires, and they've agreed on a joint Christian service before the burials. I know we barely know Anna's family, and I know it's needless to say, but I still want to ask you to please make sure they feel at home and remember they've lost someone too, and it's our duty and what we owe to Wyatt, Chris and Anna, to make them part of our family, and make sure they're comfortable in a different country with a different culture and language. I want for them to be a part of Wyatt's life, so it's twice as important for them to feel welcomed and loved. Tell them how much we loved Anna. Make sure they see she was loved and valued here, and she will forever be a Harris, no matter if the wedding never got to happen.”

“Are they gonna take Wyatt away to Argentina?” Carlin asked from her seat, staring at Ashlyn, who shook her head.

“When Anna got pregnant, Chris made me promise that if anything ever happened, I'd raise every one of his children as my own, and that's precisely what I'm going to do. We made things official right after he was born and Ali and I were written as his legal guardians, and next year, when the waters are more calmed down, we'll officially adopt him to make sure no one ever tries to take him away. I've told so to Anna's parents, and they understand. I guess we'll just be holidaying in Argentina every now and then so Wyatt knows his family, but he'll grow-up in Orlando and when Ali and I grow our family, he'll be the big brother with no distinction, we'll always tell him about his biological parents, and when he's older we'll explain to him more carefully what happened and make sure that he doesn't feel any less ours or starts calling his siblings cousins, because from now on all the cousins he's going to have are going to have to come from you guys.”

“It's what Chris and Anna would have considered the second best option,” Corey opined with a smile. Ashlyn nodded.

“What about soccer?” asked Aunt Tina. “You're starting keeper in both teams, how are you going to juggle a two-month-old and camps?”

“I won't,” Ashlyn shrugged. “The Pride won't be back in the game until March, so at least until then it shouldn't be a problem. And once that bridge comes, I'll cross it thinking of what's best for Wyatt. In any case, Ali and I are doing this together and she's no longer playing so it'll make things easier. And I've spoken with Coach Jill Ellis from the National Team, and told her I won't be even thinking of soccer for the remaining of the year. There's usually a camp or two in January, but I may or may not go, we'll see. Personally, I'd rather go because I know my head needs for me to stay active, but it'll be whatever it's best for Wyatt, and if ultimately I choose not to go, and that means I lose the starting spot for the rest of time, then so be it. Wyatt's my priority. Soccer's just a game. Which reminds me I should tell you Ali, Wyatt and I won't be staying here much longer and we'll go back to Orlando as soon as our people are buried. I need to get back into the routine, and we need to learn how to care for Wyatt at home, and get him used to his new home. I'll take care of the other houses for a few months, and at some point we'll sell them, without a rush, save for my childhood home, so we can have it for when we come here, hopefully often so Wyatt can hang out with you.”

Ashlyn sat back down, her plate of mac and cheese barely touched, as her stomach still felt a little uneasy, and watched with warm eyes as Ali caressed Wyatt's cheek and kissed the top of his head lovingly. She was going to be a good Mama for him, she had no doubt.

“Ash, honey,” her grandma said. “We won't have the press at the funeral, right? They'll let us mourn in peace.”

“No one but us knows what's happened, and the professionals involved in the process have been told to keep things quiet. I haven't told any friends yet, but when we all do, and I encourage you to invite whoever you want, we should all tell our friends to keep it quiet as well. Some teammates will come, but no one will know they're here, so we shouldn't be attracting any press. And in any case, my friend Charlie in the police told me the investigation is under secrecy as they clear out what exactly happened and if the other driver was drunk, drugged, stupid or what, so no press leaking. Charlie also told me when the funeral comes up, he'll have a few of his people and himself around at the cemetery to make sure no press gets in. But I think it should be fine. Jill told the press at camp that Ali and I's absence was because I had fallen ill, and since Ali was retired, we'd both decided to come home so I could recover, so I think it'll take about a week until eventually someone in Satellite leaks it. And then, I'll take Twitter and tell everyone to leave us alone, and if anyone shows up at anybody's houses for gossip, give me a call and I'll get Charlie to give them a good scare and then I'll sue them for invasion of privacy. It'll all be okay.”

“Thank God then,” Brittany, Corey's wife, said. “Hey, so do we know who did this?”

“They arrested a man, but I really don't know much,” Ashlyn said. “I only know he was the driver of the truck that caused the accident and then ran off. Charlie told me they're interrogating him and getting testimonies and evidence put together to see why exactly did he invade the other lane and what charges could be pressed.”

Later that night, it started to rain while Wyatt slept in his crib, Logan on the feet of the bed, and Ashlyn stared at the ceiling in the dark, with Ali awake but with an arm wrapped around her waist. They were both emotionally drained, but unable to cry anymore, and unable to fall asleep and join a world of restlessness and nightmares.

“You're doing it again,” Ali whispered rubbing over her sternum.

“Sorry.”

“Don't apologize,” Ali lifted her head for a moment to kiss her cheek. Ashlyn's anxiety made her breathe a little irregularly when it was a bit out of hand, but Ashlyn didn't want to take her meds because her stomach wasn't too well yet.

“I was thinking... when I felt sick on the field... would it be too crazy to think I somehow got sick because I felt Chris... leaving?”

“There are people who think those things happen. I've heard.”

“I just got to take a peek at Christopher's death certificate, and it said...” Ashlyn took a deep breath and released a long sigh. “When the truck hit his side, the door went in and squashed him.”

“Oh, God...”

“At least it was fast, just like what I felt. I felt pressure in my chest, Ali. I felt unable to breathe, dizzy, like I was going to collapse or something, and like this intense pain in the chest... but then, it disappeared. Just a few seconds or a minute, at most. And the dead certificates were signed half an hour later, when they were taken to the hospital. So just now I had the crazy idea that maybe I felt what he felt. That maybe somehow... he wanted for me to know what was happening.”

“Maybe he managed,” Ali agreed, sliding her hand under Ashlyn's pyjama shirt to caress her upset stomach gently, as she heard it make some noise. “You know what you felt. And I know that, if I were to leave early... I'd try to say goodbye to you, any way I could.”

“You're never leaving early,” Ashlyn said firmly, keeping an arm around her. “I can't live without you.”

“Let's not even think of that,” Ali settled, not wanting to get sadder.

“I didn't tell you before, but... I requested to see them,” Ashlyn said. “Just before the funeral. The visitation will be with them inside their coffins in a fridge glass room inside a normal one in which we'll get to be near them separated by the glass, and since they'll be cold, they won't be rotting when I see them. And so... I will be allowed to see them just before the funeral. Just me, okay?”

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Ali asked, looking up at her. “You will never forget it. It may take your sleep away completely.”

“I know, but I feel I need to. I haven't seen them in weeks, and it'll make things more real. It'll help my brain process, I guess.”

Ali nodded, thoughtful. She hadn't wanted to tell her about the photographs, but now it seemed fitting and necessary.

“Ash... when your uncle and I went to the hospital, we had to... to see the facial pictures to confirm their identities. I know how they look.”

Ashlyn shifted and cupped her face so she'd look up and the goalkeeper could see her face.

“Alex... had I known they'd ask that-,”

“It's okay. I'm fine with it, they did gave us the option of calling you, but we refused,” Ali explained calmly. “I wasn't even going to mention it, but since you want to see them... you should know it's not that easy to pretend they're sleeping. They have bandages and stuff.” Ashlyn nodded slowly, and kissed her forehead.

“I was truly blessed the day you came into my life. Don't worry, Alex. It's not the first time I see a dead person.”

“Isn't it?”

“No. I was there when my grandpa died. Mum had gone for lunch, I promised I'd stay by his side...” Ashlyn shrugged, caressing her cheek lovingly. “I know it'll be the hardest thing I ever do. I know. Would you mind being Wyatt's primary caretaker these days, though? As I'm so busy...”

“He's my child now, and yours,” said Ali without missing a beat. “He's Christopher and Anna's son, but he's also ours. Anna's family is his family, but the Kriegers too. You and I are both his primary caretakers, and to me it's always a pleasure to be the overprotective bear and keep him with me, with or without you, so you go do your think, and we'll be okay.”

Even in the dark, Ali saw, and even heard, Ashlyn smile big, truly big, for once.

“You're my whole world, Alex,” Ashlyn said emotionally. “Despite it all, I am so bloody lucky, just because of you.” She kissed her intensely, full of meaning, and Ali kissed her back, trying to put into it what she couldn't find words to say.

  
  



	7. Through the worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The more I think about you, the more I keep the ghost alive – James Bay.

**Chapter 7: Through the worst.**

Ashlyn sat between her friends Liz Clabaugh and Jamie Tworkowski on a black leather sofa, staring at the four coffins lined-up one next to the other, surrounded by big flower crowns, on the other side of the glass wall. The room was crowded with family and friends coming in and out, sitting around, standing around chatting, hugging or consoling each other. Some cried silently, and a few Argentinians stood in front of a side of the glass with arms over each other, looking at the coffins. Each wooden box had engraved different initials: C. M. H., T. J. H., C. R. H., and A. M. R., so that it was impossible to put them in the wrong burial site, and the tombstones were being made really fast, because even though normally you could put it after the burial whenever it was ready, this time, due to the amount of people buried at once, Ashlyn had wanted to have them ready for the funeral, to ensure everyone would be in the right place.

She felt as if she was in some dream. This couldn't be completely real, it didn't quite finish sinking in. She knew what had happened, consciously, but it was as if a small part of her was still waiting to wake up. Ali, wearing mascara today, stood in a blue dress nearby, with Wyatt hugged against her chest, chatting with some of Ashlyn's family friends, being the PR as always, and every time the door opened, Ashlyn's eyes flew to it, expecting anyone of her dead relatives. It had only just dawned on her that she was now an orphan, and had no one to take care of her like parents did. Not even her big brother. All the people that had been a constant in her life from the first second of it were gone. And that made her feel inexplicably alone in a room full of people. Ashlyn's headaches came and went as she processed her thoughts, her chest tightened at times, making her feel like she was short of breath, and she was still only eating a little bit with some frequency, unable to feel hunger. At least she and Ali had slept much better, although she had still had some nightmares and Wyatt had still woken them up a few times, but they felt more rested today.

The USWNT had a game in Houston the next day at four, when they'd still be there, in the funeral home, as Ashlyn felt an odd feeling of vertigo every time she thought about leaving. She had still texted her friends good luck, and lied saying Chris was still in hospital, but feeling much better, and he might be discharged in a day or so, while Anna would maybe be discharged in the morning. She had lied and said her parents were helping her with Wyatt in the meantime. She hated lying, but she had called Jill and she'd email her friends after the game and tell them the truth. She felt she ought to be the one, after all the lies she had told.

“Ashlyn,” her Uncle James and Aunt Tina suddenly blocked her view and she looked up to see them. “Can we speak for a moment? It's about the service on Friday.”

Ashlyn nodded absent-mindedly and followed them to a corner of the room.

“We just wondered if there's anything planned,” Tina explained, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Uh... our regular priest will say some words, something short and then it's done.”

“Okay,” Uncle James nodded. “Maybe one of us should give an eulogy, don't you think? I mean... the priest always reads the same from the Bible, it doesn't really make anyone feel better.”

“I didn't think anyone would feel with the strength,” Ashlyn admitted. “But it's a good idea, if you're willing.”

“I'm not sure I'm the right person, I'm not good with words,” Uncle James said sadly.

“I wouldn't know what to say,” said Aunt Tina. “Ash, wouldn't you be the best person?”

“I'm not sure I'll be able to muster two words, if I'm honest.”

“Of course, I'm sorry,” Aunt Tina sighed, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “We'll think of someone. Perhaps your friend Jamie, he was always good with words.”

Ashlyn's eyes fixed on Ali, who was smiling full of compassion as she talked with one of Christopher's school friends and reached a hand to squeeze hers.

“I think I know who can do it,” she walked over to Ali. “Excuse me... Alex, can I borrow you for a second?”

“Sure,” Ali nodded. “I'll be right back Nicole, sorry.”

Ali let Ashlyn drag her aside as they intertwined hands.

“Love, uh,” Ashlyn caressed Wyatt's sleepy face and looked up at Ali. “Look, we were thinking, my aunt, uncle and I, that it'd be sweet if someone could give a proper eulogy at the chapel service before the funeral on Friday, you know, say something nice that makes everyone feel a little less miserable... but we're not sure any of us will be up for the task or too emotional or too shit with words and, I was just thinking, I know it's your first funeral so I'd completely understand if you'd rather not, but-,”

“Yes.”

“Sorry?” Ali gave her a small smile, caressing her cheek.

“You want me to do it, isn't it?” Ashlyn nodded. “The answer's yes. I will do it. I'll think of something good.”

“Really? Alex, thank you so much...”

“I told you I'd do anything,” Ali reminded her, giving her a quick peck on the lips. “Besides, it'll help me cope too. And it'd kill me to see you force yourself to do that in such a hard day. I'll do it.”

“I love you so much,” Ashlyn looked relieved, putting her arms around her. “You've been so incredible, I'm amazed. I don't know if I could've been as incredible as you.”

“Coming from you it wouldn't have been incredible,” Ali said sweetly. “It would've been normal. I just want to help.”

“You do, babe. More than I could express.”

That afternoon, they got back to Orlando for a few hours. They carried most of Wyatt's things, including the crib, as he also had a cot that they kept in Satellite, and while one emptied and refilled their suitcases, the other prepared one of their four bedrooms, that was currently serving as a playroom for when their nephews and niece came over, or their friends' children, so that it could be Wyatt's nursery, all while the baby slept on their bed surrounded by pillows just in case he decided to roll over. Debbie and Kyle had also come to help, while Ken stayed behind to help Ashlyn's family.

They put together the crib, stored a generous percentage of Wyatt's clothes, nappies and toys, put together the changing table, and even put up the curtains that had been in Wyatt's nursery back in Satellite, having dismantled the nursery there to bring the stuff over. It took them an entire afternoon, but at last the house looked more prepared for a newborn, and a bunch of Christopher's things were in boxes in the attic, as they had also started to bring his stuff over. Anna's things were mostly in Satellite, although a few boxes with her stuff were already packed and would be given to her family in Argentina, as Ashlyn had enough with her parents and brother.

“Why don't we sleep here?” Ali suggested as they flopped exhausted on their sofa with Logan, while Ashlyn gave Wyatt his bottle. “I can drive us back in our own car in the morning, and we'll return Mum hers.”

“I'm in no hurry, honey,” Debbie assured, playing with Logan.

“No, but she's right,” Ashlyn nodded. “I'm absolutely drained, let's stay here tonight and then tomorrow we'll go back. Thank you all for the help.”

“No need,” Kyle patted her knee. “Who wants to order pizza?”

That night, Ashlyn woke up in the wee hours between Ali's arms, and walked to Wyatt's nursery to watch him sleep for a few moments. He looked so sweet and innocent, with his cheeky face all relaxed. They had put a chest of drawers right next to the crib, and on top of it, Ali had put a framed photograph of Anna on a hospital bed holding the baby so he faced the camera, smiling big with his fiancé's arms around her, and Ashlyn and Ali standing in each side grinning big. The photo made Ashlyn feel a pang in her chest every time, but she wanted it there, for Wyatt to grow up seeing how much all his parents loved each other and him from day one.

Deciding she needed some liquid courage, she poured herself half a glass of whiskey in the kitchen and returned to Wyatt, sitting on the rocking chair by his crib and nursing his glass while rocking herself gently and staring at the sleeping boy through the crib's bars.

“Hey, Wyatt,” she leaned forward, putting a hand between the bars and stroking his tiny hand with one finger that seemed too big next to his hand. “I'm sorry you won't get to know the amazing people your grandparents and Daddy and Mummy were. I know it's all very messy now, but I promise you, I'm going to make sure your life only gets better and better, okay? I'm going to love you fiercely for the rest of my life, I will care for you with all I've got, and we will talk about them all you want. And hopefully, they'll be right there with you every step of the way, making sure I don't fuck you over, uh?” Ashlyn smiled sadly, caressing his cheek with her index finger and feeling a lump in her throat. “You will be happy. And I will thank heavens every day I didn't lose you too, because if you were gone too, I'd never be able to keep going. But for now, you don't worry about a thing. You focus on doing baby things, and I will pour all of me into making us a good, happy family, like those in the cheesy romantic comedies. Thankfully we've got Ali, right? She always knows what to do, and she loves us more than anyone will ever do.”

The next day, they made the morning visit to the funeral home brief, because Ali wanted to go home and focus on preparing the eulogy, while Ashlyn wanted to prepare the email to her friends in the USWNT. She would send the same to everyone, and wanted to make sure it was good. So while Ali, who would probably cry through her work, took refuge in the privacy of Christopher and Anna's office, Ashlyn went with Wyatt into Christopher and Anna's guest room, which they were occupying, and lied on the bed sitting up against four or five pillows with her laptop on her lap, and took a deep breath.

_Dear friend,_

_I'm sorry because I have lied to you a lot this week, and even though I hated it, I had no choice, because I wanted for you to give today's game your best, without distractions._

_Last October 19 th, while having dinner, I received a phone-call from an old friend who's a police officer in my native Space Coast. He wanted to inform me that my big brother, Christopher, had been driving towards Tampa when he had a terrible car accident. His fiancée Anna was in the copilot seat, while their 2-month-old son Wyatt was safely buckled in his car-seat in the middle back-seat, with each of our parents next to him. The police's current hypothesis is that my family, who had told me they would not be able to make it to the game in Tampa, had only lied and planned to surprise me by coming, but then, on a road between Orlando and Tampa, presumably as they drove around looking for somewhere to eat or coming back into the highway from it, one of those big trucks invaded their narrow lane, forcing Christopher to take a sharp, brusque turn. This turn prevented them from colliding front first, but the truck crashed against his side, killing him and pushing the car so hard that it rolled hard out of the road, crashing with a road fence and a few palm trees. In the end, all of my family died, save for baby Wyatt._

_Early this year, when Anna and Christopher found out they were expecting, they made me promise I would take care of their child as if it was mine if anything happened to them. This was very important for Christopher, because we had it rough in our childhood and he often said that perhaps if there had been someone else, we would've been better. He wanted me to be that someone else for his children. Someone special to make his life great when he and his wife were unable to do so. I swore I would do it, and later Ali agreed with me, so once he was born we both became Wyatt's legal guardian. Next year we'll formalize things with an adoption, but for now, that's unnecessary. We're all he's got. His mother's family lives in Argentina, 12h plane-ride from here, and he doesn't have any other uncles or aunts here in Florida save for Ali and I. We swore to love him as our own, and the minute we knew what had happened he became our priority, and we made a decision to keep you in the dark until camp was over, because we didn't want for you to get any tragic news that could affect your game. We would've felt responsible if today you played bad._

_But you are our family too. You are the aunts we envisioned our children having one day, the sisters our parents never naturally gave us, our friends, and the ones we've spent most of our lives with, and lying to you has felt wrong from the start._

_That night we came straight to Satellite Beach, where the bodies have been taken and where we still are. Yesterday, they arrived into the funeral home, where there will be a visitation until tomorrow at 14h, when they will be taken to the chapel for a service, right before being buried together in the same cemetery where other relatives rest. All of you are invited, and thus I adjoin a document with all the addresses, including that of my brother's house, where Ali and I are staying with Wyatt until after the burial. If you can't, or don't wish to come, don't worry, because I'll understand._

_If you come, however, I need to ask you to come alone, and leave husbands and children behind, because it is going to be very crowded as it is, since the town just found out today, and it's entirely devastated. We're also hoping to keep press at bay until after the burial, and forever away from my remaining relatives, so please, keep things as quiet as you can._

_Anna is survived by her parents, a couple siblings, and other relatives who have come all the way from Buenos Aires. My Dad leaves behind his own parents, a sister, a brother-in-law, a nephew and a niece, and my Mum her step-mother, her brother, her sister-in-law, two nephews, a niece, two great-nephews and a great-niece. So just with family we'll be a bunch, and then close friends and stuff, at least for the service and the after burial dinner, to which you're also welcomed if you wish. At the cemetery we'll be joined by other friends, neighbours and all. So don't feel obliged to come, I won't be alone._

_Congratulations on that phenomenal win today. I'll be back on the pitch next year, hopefully._

_Love,_

_Ashlyn._

Sending the email to all the USWNT teammate addresses, Ashlyn took a deep breath and closed her laptop, walking then to where Ali was, opening the door softly. She heard Ali sobbing and looked to see her sitting on the verge of the bed, with her notebook scribbled on her lap, and a bunch of paper balls and used tissues around. She was blowing her nose into a tissue, and took a moment to hear her. Then she turned and forced a smile.

“I've got this, don't worry.” She croaked.

“I was never worried,” Ashlyn assured, sitting next to her and putting the notebook aside before bringing Ali in for a tight hug. “You don't have to write anything, Alex,” she said without pulling away, “you just have to get up there and speak from the heart. And whatever you say will be perfect. I trust you.”

“I've never done this, I will fuck it up if I don't write it. It'll be badly structured, bore everyone, I'll stumble with my own words...”

“All of that would still make it perfect,” Ashlyn pressed a strong kiss on her cheek and separated just enough to face her, keeping her arms around her hips. “Ali, perfect doesn't equal immaculate. Perfect is a family of former addicts of the lowest class that always had time to help the neighbour and a hug for those who needed it, perfect is a relationship of two soccer players who most of the time had no idea of what the heck they were doing, perfect is a love where all the buts don't make a difference. I didn't ask you to do this because I thought you'd go and be like freaking Maya Angelou, composing things as if you had been writing your entire life. If I wanted an immaculate text, I would've asked my Communication teachers. All I want is you to speak from the heart, because I can't do it without breaking. They know how great my family was, they loved them with all their flaws, I know it's going to be freaking crowded, so you don't need to convince them of how awesome they were. You tell them what they were for you. And you do with them that magic you do with me every day that leaves me comforted and wanting to go on, so they don't go out of there feeling worse. And whatever you say, will be perfect, because it will come from love. They knew how much you loved them, and so do I, and none of us would want you suffering just to try and make them justice. Sometimes all you need is someone who shows up when the others can't. That's you.” Ali sniffled and nodded, letting her forehead fall against Ashlyn's as one of her hands buried in her shorter hair.

“They meant so much,” Ali murmured tearfully, caressing her cheek as she brought her hand lower from her hair to do so. “It's hard to put that into words.”

“You just did, silly,” Ashlyn pecked her lips softly. “You're enough. Whatever you do, that's good enough. This family never asked more from you than love, and no matter what you say, I'm sure they'll feel all of it, wherever they are.”

“How do you always know what to say?” Ali smiled small, locking eyes with her.

“Because I had a family to teach me whatever I said, if it was honest and raw, was the right thing to say.” Ali had a sudden idea, and smiled, hugging her closer.

“I know what to do.”

  
  



	8. The funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there's anything in particular you'd like to read about, I always accept suggestions and petitions, by the way. I'm always writing, and ideas are always welcomed.

**Chapter 8: The funeral.**

On Friday morning, Ashlyn woke up with a heavy weight in her chest, and a great number of missed phone-calls, texts and emails from her teammates and friends. She saw it was already ten, a bit later than when thanks to Wyatt, she was waking-up lately, and Ali was already out of bed. She smelled eggs and bacon, as well as coffee, and sat up, taking a deep breath and looking at the beads bracelet she wore that she had made for Christopher when they were teens and that he had been wearing when he died. She had to pull through this day for him.

Standing up, she saw Wyatt wasn't in the cot next to her, so she grabbed her suit and went to shower, do her make-up, even if only lightly, and pulled her short hair into a tiny bum. She stared at herself in the mirror looking for determination as she buttoned-up her favourite navy blue dress shirt, deciding to wear a bit of colour. Christopher always hated how sad funerals looked. She put on a black tie and suit, earrings, her father's watch, her wedding and engagement rings, her brother's bracelet, and, as an inside joke with her brother, Santa socks, one green and one red. Christmas was always his favourite time of the year.

When she stepped into the living room, she stopped dead in her tracks, her jaw dropping. Her USWNT all-time closest friends, Whitney Engen, Niki Cross, Tobin Heath, Christen Press, Kelley O'Hara, Abby Wambach, Megan Rapinoe, Meghan Klingenberg, Christie Rampone, Heather O'Reilly, Sydney Leroux, Crystal Dunn, Becky Sauerbrunn, Alyssa Naeher, Carli Lloyd, Amy Rodriguez, Allie Long, Julie Ertz, and Alex Morgan, along with Coach Jill Ellis and Fitness Coach Dawn Scott, were there, sitting on the sofa suit or cushions on the rug over the carpeted floor. But they weren't the only ones. Orlando Pride Head Coach Marc Skinner was also there, joined by Pride but not USWNT teammates Marta, Camila, Dani Weatherholt, Chioma Ubogagu, Haley Kopmeyer and Alanna Kennedy. Everyone looked elegant with dark dresses or suits.

Abby stood up and smiled small at her.

“Everyone wanted to come, so we decided to reduce it to those of us who knew them and were closer to you, or else we would be far too many, right? So... we're sort of the representation committee of both the Nationals and Club. We're willing to wait in the street too, if necessary... we just wanted to show up for our family”

Ashlyn grinned from ear to ear, feeling her eyes fill with tears.

“Good thing the chapel is big,” Ashlyn blurted out, and rushed to hug Abby. Soon, she felt arms all around her and knew everyone had joined for a massive 29 people hug, and as a sob erupted between her friends, she didn't feel her family was small at all.

“We're so sorry, my friend,” Abby whispered to her ear. “They deserved better.”

Ali appeared a few minutes later with Wyatt in one arm and a plate of full breakfast for Ashlyn, and they convinced her to eat. As Ashlyn hugged Ali, she knew her wife had orchestrated it all and loved her all the more for that.

Wyatt was wearing a cute onesie with sharks on it, while Ali looked beautiful yet modest with her dark dress and jacket, short heels, and her dark hair falling in waves, and as Ashlyn ate, Ali informed her that everyone else was at the funeral home, and that everything was ready for the day.

“Thank you,” Ashlyn whispered into Ali's ear as they got into their car, kissing her on the cheek. “This was the best surprise ever.”

“Anything for you.”

The group had four cars, between those who lived in Florida, and what they could rent, so it was enough to carry them all, as some were big cars, and then there was also Ashlyn and Ali's car, a biggie one with room for seven. Ashlyn drove this time, and the other cars followed as they got to the funeral home, entering and seeing it was already crowded, with theirs being the only funeral scheduled for the day. They reunited with the Harris-Habovick-Krieger family, and for the first time, with neighbours and other friends who came to pay their respects and who every time Ashlyn shook hands with or hugged them, they told her something nice of her family.

They had a break for lunch, and at half past twelve, Ashlyn was allowed into a room right by the chapel, where the air conditioner was high as hell to keep the bodies cold, and the four coffins were opened one next to the other on a large table. She entered alone and was alone inside, as she had petitioned, with Ali, Charlie and an employee right outside making sure no one would come inside. The goalkeeper took a deep breath, closing her eyes and preparing herself, and then moved her head in the direction of the coffins lined side-by-side, and opened her eyes. Her legs immediately felt weak and her eyes filled with tears. She could only see faces, because the rest was covered by the other half of the coffins.

“Mum,” Ashlyn leaned over her mother, caressing her cheek softly. She had some bandages, as Ali had warned her, but thanks to the make-up they put on the dead, she looked to be asleep. “You were a rock-star.” Ashlyn kissed her cheek, surprised to find it hard like stone, and continued towards her father, whose white goatee was kept perfectly. “You big man...” Ashlyn sobbed out. “You gave my favourite hugs in the world.” She kissed his cheek as well and took a deep breath, feeling the warm tears on her cheeks and physical pain in her chest. When she felt ready to continue, she proceeded towards Anna, caressing her beautiful face gently, as if she could still hurt her. “Thank you for making Christopher happy, and for giving us Wyatt, and for being the only sister, and best one, I ever had and ever could have asked for,” Ashlyn murmured, letting out a strangled sob and then pressing her lips together to try and keep it together before kissing her cold cheek too. “You were... a terrific mother. And I'm going to spend the rest of my life... trying to be half as good.” Christopher was the hardest one to gulp, somehow, so she stopped for a few minutes crying silently and turning her back on him until she felt ready to turn around, and she immediately let out a painful sob, leaning over and putting a hand on his chest. He looked the worst of them four, with the most amount of bandages, and his nose looked broken, so she was very careful when she kissed his bearded hair. “You were the best friend I'll ever have, bro. And an incredible Dad... and I promise I'll do my best so Wyatt never has it tough like we did. And I'll give him little siblings and teach him to be the awesome big brother his Dad was... so like us, he can always have a best friend, right?”

There was a small sofa, and she sat on it, or rather fell on it, and held her face between her hands, and started to cry as if she had never shed a tear and was now crying all the thunder of her life. She cried hard and loud, until she felt completely drained and over half an hour had passed just crying, and then she cleaned her face with a tissue and stood up, looking at them again. It was so unfair for them to be dead, and even more, to have died this way. She knew they deserved much better.

“I guess it's time to say see you later,” she murmured hoarsely looking at them. “I don't even know if your souls or something are here and can hear me, this is absurd...” Ashlyn shook her head and took a deep breath. “But you should know you're the best family I could've had, and that everything Wyatt and I are is because of you. You taught me love, hard-work, to be a warrior and to keep getting up... and somehow that's what I'll do,” she said weakly. “I love you so much... and I miss you even more. You leave such a big hole here, and I'll never be the same. But I'm going to bust my ass off, and be the best adoptive mother I can be for Wyatt, and I'll spend my whole life trying to make him laugh. I'll teach him all you taught me, and surf, and dance, and skating... and I'll tell him all about you. I'll do it with all my children, you'll see. And I'm so sorry you had to leave this way... but a part of you will always be with us. I hope you're driving heaven nuts... and I hope I'll see you again, in many, many decades, when time puts us together again. Until then... have fun and shower this world with some much needed good energy. Thank you for everything.”

One by one, she closed the coffins, making sure one last time everyone was in the right one, and took a few deep breaths before dragging herself outside. She pretty much stumbled on Ali and as they hugged tightly, she, once more, let loud, strangled sobs, even though she thought she couldn't cry more. Ali held her tightly, partially keeping her from falling on her knees, and Ashlyn was only partly conscious of everyone shutting-up and the silence reigning in the room as she cried until her whole body hurt.

**. . .**

When Ali stood to give the eulogy, Ashlyn merely moved her head from her wife's shoulder to her cousin Corey's one and closed her eyes, feeling too tired to keep them open. She had let go a week of pain mostly restrained, and she only had energy to keep a foot by one of the wheels of Wyatt's carriage to make sure it didn't move away from her.

“Hi,” Ali started, stoic despite her glassy eyes. “My parents-in-law, plus Christopher and Anna were some of the kindest, funniest, most beautiful souls one can possibly come across with. But you already know. That's why today, over a hundred and twenty people occupy this room. Because you loved them, miss them, and know with them gone, Satellite, and our lives, will never be the same.”

Ashlyn looked up at her wife, rubbing her eyes, and saw she wasn't reading.

“But it has dawned on me that there's one person in this room who knows none of that. So with your permission, I would like to read a letter I've written to Mike and Tammye's only grandchild, Wyatt Michael Harris, for when he's older.” She stopped a moment, as if to see if people cared, but everyone looked interested, so she pulled a folded paper from her jacket pocket and unfolded it, clearing her throat before reading the letter. “My dear Wyatt. As you have grown-up, you have learned to call Ashlyn and I your mothers, because we adopted you, raised you, took care of you, and will forever do our very best to do whatever it takes for you to be happy. We're proud to call you our son, but we also know you are not only ours, and we want you to always know where your roots are, because even though we always wanted motherhood, it came to us in the most painful of ways, and it changed your life and ours forever.”

“Through life, you will also see how your situation is different from most people's. You don't have one mother and one father. You have a father, a mother, an adoptive mommy, and an adoptive mama, me. You have four grandparents, but you also have extra ones, and even an extra uncle. And that will make you stand-out from most, if not all of your classmates, year after year. But you will see how that only means you got to be deeply loved by a lot of extra people.” Ali continued softly, her voice getting a bit raspy at times, with emotion.

“Your grandparents Mike and Tammye will never get to spoil you, and your original Mum and Dad will never get to teach you to surf,” Ashlyn looked intently at Ali, feeling a knot in her throat. “But I don't want you to be a sad person, because those who love us never really leave us. Every time you look at yourself in the mirror you'll see not just your Mommy's dimple, but also your Daddy's and your Grandpa's. You'll see your Mummy's cheeky, sweet face, your Daddy's eyes, and your Grandma's blonde locks until your hair darkens like your birth parents'. You will probably be great at sports, like your Daddy, your Mommy and I, and like every Harris, you will probably be eating like five people before you're eighteen,” that got some timid laughs in the room, and Ashlyn smiled small. Ali took a deep breath to keep herself calm.

“I know there are dark days in which you might remember all that you've lost, and it'll be hard to keep going. On those days, I want you to remember you are, bizarrely, very lucky. You survived a tragedy, and you became the light in the end of the tunnel for so many people. You are the only reason why Mommy and I get up from bed on the worst days, and why a lot of your family and loved-ones survived the most tragic months you will never remember. Your family doesn't just live in you and in the pictures around our house, but also they'll always be watching over you. And when you miss them, we'll tell you all the stories. We'll tell you about the time your Daddy got so drunk at our wedding that he sang an original song about his deep love for your Mommy in the middle of the dance-floor,” other timid laughter sounded, and this time, Ashlyn snorted a laugh. “The absolutely incredible barbecues your Grandpa cooked that left us all rolling,” Ali smiled and a tear fell down her cheek, but she cleared her throat and kept going. “We'll tell you how beautiful your Mummy's voice was when she sang lullabies for you to sleep, and we'll tell you the great dancer your Grandma was.”

“You came from a loving family with people that were so unbelievably good, pure and compassionate, but also strong and tough. Your family was the kind that celebrated big birthdays slapping the lucky person's arse with something tough, one time for every year turned, and lucky you, we have video of your Dad leaving Mommy's arse red,” that definitely made people laugh, and even Ashlyn laughed-cried. Ali smiled looking at everyone for a moment, and went back to reading. “So keep the best part of being a Harris with you. The ability to be a good person even when life kicks your arse, the dancing skills, the laughter, and the foolishness. Laugh of yourself, I promise you, your birth parents and grandparents did all the time. And remember your grandparents and Daddy were drug addicts and alcoholics who got over it, faced their demons and won. And when they died, they were very happy people, and if they could do it, so can you and all of us.”

“So don't be sad forever because they're gone. Find a way to be happy because they were here, and they left their best here, with you. Understand that tragedies happen, but good things happen to, and that for each shitty thing, two great ones come. Take advantage of your life while you have it, and live it like those awesome people did, with their whole hearts in it, so that when they left, the chapel was full and the world was better than how they found it. Remember it's okay to not be okay, but when you fall, don't forget to get back up on your feet. Find strength in the happy memories, if not your own, those we will tell you about, and in the knowledge that you come from a family of warriors, and it's in your blood to be capable of climbing any mountain. If something bad happens, remember it's just to keep things in perspective and give you lessons, so take advantage and when good things happen, enjoy them fully. This is life. It's not meant to be easy. It's meant to be a roller-coaster with ups and downs, but one that when it ends, you leave with the feeling that despite the downs, you still had the best time ever. In life, everything is temporary. So don't let sadness last too long, and if you have the chance to laugh, do so without restrain, even if you're the kind to snort laughing. Fall in love, get your heart broken, go to funerals but don't miss a birth, fight for your dreams and pursue everything you dream of even when it's hard. Surf the waves with that talent in your blood. Like your grandparents and birth parents would say... it's all worth fighting for. Your family wouldn't have birthed you if they weren't sure as hell you were going to be thankful for the ride. And we will love you through all of it, wherever we are, whoever you become.”

When Ali returned to her seat, Ashlyn stood and hugged her tightly, smiling small.

“That was absolutely perfect.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,  
> I am updating some stories now, I'll slowly update more and more the next few days. I'm very sorry for the delay, I've just been writing stuff, relaxing, reconnecting with my mother as I didn't live in my hometown since last Autumn, and well, with myself.  
> So first things first, thanks everyone for all your comments and support, always. I think I've responded all comments and also I've been talking with some of you in my Tumblr Jantebellum, which has been really nice so if you've never left a comment or chatted with me in Tumblr come say hi, I don't bite :) also I wanted to invite you all to read this post I wrote https://jantebellum.tumblr.com/post/616297711696822272/my-take-on-ao3-and-fanfics it's a bit long but in it I'm talking about my writing process with fanfics, about my beliefs in fanfiction and about Archive of our Own, so you might find it interesting. And I know you're shy and I'm shy but PLEASE hit me up with any sort of conversation. Now that we're all so isolated, I really want to reach out to all of you, make sure you're all doing okay, bring my support and encouragement to you and hey, it's going to be okay, uh? This is just those dramatic ten chapters I always write but remember, the story always ends okay, even when you think there's no way. And if you feel lonely or anything, I'm here.  
> Much love everyone.  
> J.


	9. Dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://jantebellum.tumblr.com/post/616566533139873792/thank-you

**Chapter 9: Dawn.**

They went to the cemetery for the burials right afterwards, and when they were exiting the cemetery, walking down the large grass fields, Ashlyn saw something that made her put Wyatt, that had been in her arms, back in his stroller and walk away from the group between the graves.

“Ashlyn!” Ali called. “Where are you going?”

The photographer thought he had been smart hiding behind a grave, but as Ashlyn approached, he tried to run for it. Big camera in hand, he moved fast, running between graves, but he underestimated a goalkeeper's athleticism. It was then that the group, that had stopped to wait for Ashlyn, realized what was happening, as they saw the photographer run, and Ashlyn sprint right after, jumping over gravestones instead of going around them, which gave her advantage over the paparazzi.

“Ashlyn! Let him go!” Ali shouted, and Corey ran after his cousin. But Ashlyn was filled with rage and goalkeeper talent, so when at last she dived forward, she jumped over the photographer taking him to the ground like she took balls, and threw one solid punch on his cheek, throwing his glasses away.

“What were you doing?” Ashlyn asked fiercely as she grabbed the neck of his shirt. “Taking photographs of my family when we're down? Let's see...”

“Ashlyn! Don't kill him,” Corey said breathless, catching up with them. Ashlyn remained sitting on the photographer's sternum, with her knees planted on the grass at each side, and took the camera, looking for the pictures.

“I'm just doing my job, get off!” the photographer insisted, his mouth bleeding as he had bitten himself with the punch. His cheek was already bruising. Ashlyn's blood boiled seeing close-ups of herself and other family members crying, Wyatt's perfect face visible in Ali's arms, her grandmother heartbroken as her grandfather hugged her...

Ashlyn took the SD card out and put it in her pocket before throwing the camera as far as she could, so that it collided with a mausoleum building and shattered.

“Who do you work for?!” Ashlyn asked, seeing red, putting a hand on the man's neck.

“Freelance! I was gonna sell those! Bitch, you just ruined my-” but he couldn't finish, because Ashlyn punched him again.

“That's enough.” Corey grabbed her fist in the air as she threw it back to hit again. “He cannot publish that anymore. Let him go, Ash. Come on, you're better than this, we're at a cemetery.”

“Which is precisely why he should be taught some respect!”

Ashlyn pulled her fist from Corey's grasp and collided it hard once again against the photographer's face, this time successfully breaking his nose.

“Ashlyn!” Ali had reached them, and pulled her arms around her, pulling her up with Corey's help, and letting the photographer run away like mad.

“He took pictures of us during the funeral!” Ashlyn shouted, trying to run after, but Ali's grip was firm.

“Ashlyn, my love, calm down,” Ali hugged her tightly from behind, and the goalkeeper's breathing accelerated, ragged.

“They think they can get close to my family like that, the bloody bastards!” Ashlyn shouted, still trying to get free. “For bloody money! One can't fucking grieve in fucking peace! He was gonna put Nana's crying face on the fucking telly, Ali!”

“He won't you took them away,” Corey reminded her. “Come on, Ash... you broke his nose, what else were you thinking of doing?”

“I don't know!” Ashlyn stopped trying to follow the photographer, who had disappeared from view, but still looked furious and was breathing hard, her eyes full of angry tears. “But people like him live and Chris' dead! I should break his skull at the very last!”

“Come on, darling,” Nana came and put her arms around Ashlyn, who would never even push her octogenarian grandmother, and let her hug her. “You've done good, but now it's time to let go, okay? He's learned his lesson.”

“I don't want anyone harassing you, Nana...” Ashlyn murmured upset.

“I know sweetie, but I don't want you in prison. Wyatt needs you here, and so do I. You can't afford trouble now.” Ashlyn nodded, letting a long breath out.

She was tempted to sleep in the car, as Ali was driving, but ever since the car accident, she found it was impossible for her to relax that much in a car, so she served as copilot while trying to forget the photographer, which wasn't easy when her hand hurt.

The family and closest friends, including the USWNT teammates, went to an oceanfront venue, that they had rented for the rest of the day. Everyone else went home. It was a nice place because it had a huge dining room with a whole glass wall that was just a giant sliding door, that they opened wide so that the room was open. That led into a huge terrace over the sand of the Indian Harbour Beach, that was also used as an extension of the dining space, and had wooden stairs into the beach. The views were fantastic ocean, and the weather was warm, with a fresh ocean breeze, and nice. Since it was still a few hours until dinner, the tables were filled with snacks and drinks, and most people walked down to the beach.

Ashlyn wanted to keep Wyatt close, so she put on the baby sack her brother had owned, and put Wyatt inside, asleep, keeping a hand on his back and kissing the top of his head while she grabbed a glass of whiskey and walked to the beach, leaving her shoes with the socks inside up in the terrace. There was soft music playing, but as she walked into the beach, the sound of the waves was stronger. She stood there, with her trousers rolled up and the water up to her ankles, staring at the sky while slowly drinking her whiskey and thinking of her family.

“So Christmas socks, uh?” Ali appeared next to her, and she smiled softly at the older woman, who held her onto her arm.

“Chris loved Christmas.”

“He did. We have Thanksgiving soon. Chilling in Orlando, right?”

“Probably. Although we could try flying to DC, Wyatt will enjoy the woods.”

“Yeah,” Ali looked at the sky too. “Beautiful place.”

“We used to celebrate special occasions here, when we could afford it. I also proposed to you on a beach not too different from this one, uh?”

“That you did,” Ali smiled.

“Two years ago and you're still the love of my whole life,” Ashlyn smiled at her, putting her free hand around her shoulders. “That was an absolutely beautiful eulogy. Will you keep that letter?”

“Of course,” Ali said. “I'll give it to Wyatt when he's a big guy. So you really liked it?”

“I loved it. I don't think I've smiled that sincerely in days. Although let's hope Wyatt doesn't get that much of a big guy, because he's already outgrowing his socks, and they were supposed to be for four months.” Ali sniggered. “You know? You were right. We have a lot to feel lucky about. Which is why... I think we should still start the IVF treatment as soon as we're home.”

“Really?” Ali asked, surprised. “I thought with Wyatt...”

“It'll be cool for him to have a little sibling he has a small age difference with, so he never remembers a world without them. I want to give him the same kind of special sibling-ship you and I enjoy. If you agree.” Ali grinned, tiptoeing to kiss her.

“I couldn't agree more. So how are you doing?” Ashlyn shrugged.

“I'm pretty drained, to be honest. Feels like I could sleep for ten years.”

“And your hand?”

Ashlyn looked at her bruised hand and shrugged again.

“Will recover.”

“Okay, well, let's get some food in you and tomorrow morning I'll drive us home so you can spend the weekend in bed with our best dude.”

Because Wyatt started crying halfway through dinner, they decided not to stay for long. Inviting their friends to visit in Orlando any time and thanking them for coming, they went back to the house and soon, Ashlyn had passed out in bed, while Ali fed their baby. It had been a while since Ashlyn last looked peaceful while sleeping, so as soon as Ali could join her in bed, she snuggled against her and caressed her face gently until she fell asleep in an attempt to relax her wife.

Nightmares kept Ashlyn up most of the night, often with grotesque visions of her family's dead bodies, until she decided to get a bit of extra help, or else she'd never sleep, and so she quietly went to her suitcase, opened it op as quietly as she possibly could, and found her medicines case, that she opened to grab an anxiolytic. She gulped it without needing water, and put the case away, sitting on the verge of the bed waiting for it to affect her.

“Ash?” Ali had woken-up.

“I'm here babe,” Ashlyn slid back under the covers and wrapped her arms around her, letting her press her face against her chest. “I've got you.”

As it often happened whenever she took an anxiolytic, Ashlyn overslept a little and woke up without remembering what she had dreamed of and feeling like she had been kicked on the head with a bat, leaving her completely zombie. She walked into the kitchen, finding Ali was having breakfast with Kyle, Debbie, and some of their USWNT teammates. She received several good mornings, and tried her best to vocalize one in return, making them laugh.

“That sounded like a bear trying to speak English,” Kyle joked friendly.

“Well it was time you slept so deeply,” Ali said satisfied. “Here, sit, I'll get you breakfast.”

“Thank you,” Ashlyn could hardly even fully open her eyes, and she flopped on a chair as she registered Wyatt in Heather's arms, playing with her hair. She needed her hand to hold her head and did her best not to fall back asleep, but when Ali put in front of her a plate of exclusively fruit, she thought she was joking, and looked up confused. “Fruit?”

“It'll do you some good,” Ali said in a tone that admitted no arguing, so Ashlyn frowned and stuck a piece of orange in her mouth. “We leave in an hour, okay? I prepared our things and they're in the car, left you clothes and shoes in the bedroom if you saw.”

Ashlyn nodded, although she hadn't seen those, and closed her eyes as she munched, trying to will her brain to wake-up.

The car really managed to wake her up. While the road soothed Wyatt and put him to sleep, Ashlyn, who sat next to him with a hand over his belly, found herself in a state of full alertness and she was even a little jumpy. Debbie had started the drive to Miami, so Ken sat in the front with Ali and Kyle on the other side of Wyatt, calmly checking her phone while Ashlyn squirmed in her seat trying to see every movement of every other vehicle. When she saw a truck driving next to their car but in the opposite direction, she felt her stomach physically shrink, even though the roads that went in different directions were separated by a large grass area, and the truck wasn't even going to brush their car.

“Everything okay back there, Ash?” Ali asked looking at her through the rear-view mirror.

“Yeah,” Ashlyn said in a not so convincing tone. “I was just thinking there's a lot of traffic today, isn't it?” Ali snorted a laugh, her eyes back on the road.

“Babe, I've barely seen five vehicles in the last half an hour, this is nothing compared to DC.”

Ashlyn nodded silently, and looked out the window again. She was in the same place her mother had been before a car hit theirs and her neck broke as the car rolled with incredible force. Ali was in the same place where her brother had been squashed to death with his own door. There was traffic, and when Ali drove back into the farther right lane of the two in their road, she noticed the many trees on her right side, trees that would kill them if they crashed. There was then a yellow sign of careful with wild animals, and she felt her heart accelerate. What if a deer ran through the road so suddenly Ali made a turn, like Chris had, and killed them all? What if they fell into a canal and drowned to death? Or a lake?

She shut her eyes close and for the next half an hour, she did her best to calm her growing nerves, with a hand rigid over Wyatt, feeling anxiety building up at great speed. She didn't know how she managed for the whole first hour of the trip to not have a full-blown panic attack. Ali put on some music, seemingly sensing her nervousness, but unlike usual, she couldn't sing along or focus on it, and when they entered the Union Park area and there was only half an hour roughly until they were home, Ashlyn felt herself explode.

  
  



	10. Ir-rational fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode is dedicated to the fucking anxiety that curses through my veins LOL

**Chapter 10: Ir-rational fear.**

Their road suddenly had hard fences on the sides, and was divided then info four lanes, separated from the other direction's road by an expanse of grass, as they crossed over a river or a big canal. Then, Ashlyn felt all the fear at once and was almost fully sure that, with the amount of cars that there suddenly were, and that slowed them down considerably, one of them would push them into the river, or whatever that was. All she knew is that it was right on the other side of her window, looked deep, and if they rolled over the fence, they'd fall head first in the water, and Wyatt would die, and Ali would die, and they all would die.

Ashlyn's breathing got hard, raged and accelerated. She felt a hand on her shoulder and vaguely heard Kyle speaking to her, but she couldn't hear. She was already underwater, and the outside felt like that, and she couldn't hear them. She shut her eyes close and felt her cheeks get wet with tears, feeling sorry for not being able to protect the baby under her hand, while with her free hand she tried to take off her seatbelt, but couldn't, because Kyle's hands were preventing it. She was asphyxiating, and she needed to get out, so she opened her eyes and locked them with Kyle's, and he was saying something, but she couldn't hear.

“We're about to die,” Ashlyn tried to say, but she wasn't sure any words came out. Ken was also saying something, stretching between the front seats and moving his lips towards her, but her breathing was shallow, her chest hurt, and her eardrums seemed not to be working. Everything was deadly silent. She was getting dizzy, and she couldn't get out, and so she wouldn't be able to save Wyatt, or Ali, or anyone else, and they'd die.

The fact that they continued driving forward, turned right into a far less crowded road, and no one died, was little comfort. Ashlyn just felt herself getting worse every minute, with her hands clammy and a feeling of asphyxiation and dizziness, but she knew there was nowhere to stop the car. They were going over a lot of lakes now, and it was worsening her fear, and she felt her lips moving, even if she didn't hear herself, and was pretty sure that she had to be begging, because she was fully hysterical now.

Finally, after what felt like hours, and was really just a few minutes more, Ali pulled over onto a grass expanse and came into a halt, unbuckling herself and rushing to Ashlyn's door, that she yanked open, unbuckling her seat-belt as well.

“Ashlyn, it's okay, come here,” Ali moved her so she sat with the legs out of the car, and squatted in front of her, caressing her gently until the panic seemed to subside. “Deep breaths babe, that's good.”

“We're gonna die,” Ashlyn murmured, supporting her forehead on Ali's shoulder. “We're gonna die.”

“Not today, love. Where are your meds?”

“Bag...”

Ali reached to get the bag that had been between Ashlyn's legs and gave her wife an anxiolytic and a bottle of water to take. Once that was done, she pulled her out of the car to get some air, and Ashlyn took a few deep breaths while pacing around, the colour returning to her pale face.

“Better?” Ali asked, pulling her into a hug.

“Yeah,” Ashlyn nodded, leaning against her shoulder. “I'm so sorry.”

“Don't be, it's okay. It's normal for you to panic with cars now, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. Look, we'll be home in twenty, do you think you can make it?”

“Yeah,” Ashlyn nodded, although looking at the car made her shiver. “I better get used to it, we use cars all the time here.”

With the medication making things easier, Ashlyn closed her eyes for the rest of the trip and, when Ali announced they had arrived 'home, sweet home', she breathed out in relief and got out of the car with floppy legs, walking into the house after getting Logan out of the further back seats, where she was hanging out.

Ali had to go once more to get Ken and Kyle to the airport, so Ashlyn stayed home hanging with Wyatt and Logan in bed. She lied Wyatt on her belly and put her arms around him as he slept, and Logan jumped on the bed and smelled the baby softly.

“Careful Logan,” Ashlyn patted the dog lovingly. “This is your new little brother, do you like? I know he doesn't have much hair yet, but he's your bro...”

Failing to get a nap, Ashlyn eventually decided to leave Wyatt in his crib, and sit down to watch the TV while throwing Logan a toy every now and then for her to fetch. She ended-up having the telly on while she was actually in her phone browsing through Twitter seeing if she had missed any funny gossip or shark videos, and she noticed that she had a lot of mentions of people wondering what kind of illness did she have and whether it was a really bad thing, because Ashlyn and Ali had been off the map for five days. It was then that she remembered the USWNT's official explanation for Ashlyn's sudden disappearance had been that she was sick, so people had grown worried. She decided it cost her nothing to let them know she was healthy, as far as it concerned them, at least, so she tweeted.

' _Hi guys!_ (waving emotic) _here healthy & ready to kick some balls. Did anyone else totally FLIP with our ladies' performance on Thurs?? I SURE DID #SickSaves #SickGoals #ButNoSurprise #USWNTRocks #WhoRunTheWorld?_'

She had just hit send when she heard something in the telly that made her look up.

“Unfortunately, today we have sad news in the sports world, as one of our city's biggest stars has suffered a tremendous tragedy,” one presenter of Fox News Orlando was saying, looking serious.

“That's right, we have only just found out that Orlando Pride's captain and goalkeeper Ashlyn Krieger-Harris just lost her parents, brother and sister-in-law to a heartbreaking car accident early on Monday, sadly coinciding with her birthday,” the other presenter said, and Ashlyn's eyes widened. Shit. Shit, if this had come out, then her family was vulnerable. Shit.

“Jennifer Adkins is in Satellite Beach, the Harrises' hometown, to give us more information,” said the first presenter, and into the screen came a pretty blonde journalist with serious expression, standing in front of the cemetery where Ashlyn's family was buried, which made Ashlyn's fists tighten. “Hi Jennifer, what can you tell us?”

“Hello, well, the usually vibrant Satellite Beach is now quiet with mourning since yesterday Mike, Tammye, Christopher and Anna Harris were buried here after a fatal car accident suffered early on Monday, and that reportedly wasn't known by Ashlyn until after the game the USWNT was having in Tampa, coinciding with her birthday and also being her wife's retirement game. We've asked the neighbours about this tragedy and we've kept hearing nothing but kind, loving and sad words about the family, as they speak of their warmth, kindness, readiness to help anyone who needed it, hard-work, and how they leave a deep hole in the community. Speaking of Ashlyn, who became Mrs Krieger-Harris just ten months ago, the neighbours told us how she's been here for a few days as she reportedly drove here from Tampa as soon as she found out, and we've heard that the family and her are understandably heartbroken and devastated by this tremendous loss. Here's what the neighbours told us.”

A pre-recorded interview appeared of the journalist in a bar, speaking with some middle-aged Satellite Beach neighbours.

“We're all so sad, so sad,” an older woman said. “They didn't deserve this, they've always been such good people, always there if you needed them, and so young, all of them and specially Chris and his lovely fiancée. I remember seeing them around here with their baby, poor thing has lost it all,” the woman's eyes filled with tears, and she shook her head.

Then there was another interview around the beach, of a young guy Ashlyn had gone to school with, but had not much relationship with anymore.

“It's devastating, they were loved here, you don't expect to lose a whole family at once, and the rest of the family, the grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins... it's heartbreaking to see them go through so much pain,” he said with a sad expression. “Ash came around with her wife, and, you know, luckily she wasn't alone. There was just so much people at the cemetery, I saw from the street, and so much love for that family, honest one. We miss them already, definitely.”

“We've heard Chris, Ashlyn's brother, leaves behind a baby?” the journalist inquired. The guy nodded and shrugged.

“Lil boy, yeah, we saw them around all the time, he was like... two months or so, so tiny. Ashlyn's got him now, I heard, so at least, you know, he's going to be proper taken care of, he's loved, he's wanted. We just trying to keep it positive here mate.”

Ashlyn turned the TV off and covered her face with her hands for a second before on a whim, going to her phone and searching Orlando Sentinel. As she figured, they had made an article about the matter, without much information, titled _'Goalkeeper Ashlyn Harris misses USWNT Thursday game due to family tragedy_ '. Space Coast Daily had an article about how incredible the dead-ones were, and how missed they'd be, but Ashlyn couldn't read it fully, and just turned her phone off, trying to think of something else.

She knew there wasn't going to be a way of keeping things completely secret, but she had hoped to get some more time, and now, her social media was blowing with comments about it, tagging her, making enquiries... and she had just posted as if nothing had happened, which didn't help.

“Hi,” Ali had just arrived, looking tired after so much driving, and leaned for a kiss, “everyone's safely in their planes. Wyatt's sleeping?”

“Yeah,” Ashlyn nodded, pulling her to sit on her lap, nuzzling into her chest as Ali, like usual, put an arm around her head and kissed the top of it. “You must be tired. Want me to make you a bubbly bath?” Ali smiled softly and pecked her lips.

“Sounds good, but I'm so comfy right now with you here... don't want to move.”

“I see,” Ashlyn hugged her tighter, loving the feeling of their bodies pressed together. “Hey babe, when did you last check your social media?”

“Uhm... on Monday, I think. I've got the notifications deactivated and everything, why? Did I miss something?”

“It all just blew-up. Telly, articles online... people know what happened.”

“Fuck! Are there pics?”

“Of these days, no, but give it time. And I found out right after I tweeted all innocently about Thursday's game just to show I'm still alive, so it looks odd. I was going to delete it, but then I figured, in the internet someone already saved it, right?”

“Right. Crap, I'm sorry,” Ali kept a hand buried in her hair, pressing her head against her chest as they hugged. “You okay?”

“I don't know. The anxiolytic is keeping me calm for now. I just realized, Ali... maybe we'll have to do IUI instead of IVF.”

“Okay, rewind, we were just talking about your family...”

“Well now about ours,” Ashlyn looked up and sighed. “It's a sudden idea, you know my brain does two hundred things at once.”

“Yeah, that's why you're all anxious all the time,” Ali caressed her face softly. “So IUI. Why? I thought that way we couldn't use your eggs? Unless you want to get pregnant.”

“No, you do it, thanks. It's just... if we do IVF, I'd have to start with the injections and hormonal treatments now, and... last thing I need is to have my hormones all over the place. I'm not okay, and I'm taking meds and all... what kind of eggs am I going to produce? And besides, IVF is way more expensive than IUI, and now we have a son to worry about. And IUI is easier, less invasive...”

“It's okay by me, but will it be by you? I mean... you'd have no DNA in our baby.”

“I don't have it in Logan. I only partially have it in Wyatt, and you don't have it in neither, and we still love each other just fine,” Ashlyn shrugged. “I know you wanted a little Harris-looking dimply baby, but we have one, right? And for me... I don't care, as long as it's ours, it can come from Mars for all I care. I just want a family with you.” Ali nodded slowly, thoughtful.

“Okay, well... if you're really sure, then okay. We'll do IUI, we could go see the doc on Monday if you want.” Ali smiled at her, and Ashlyn smiled back.

“Awesome,” Ashlyn stretched to kiss her, hugging her close. “Can't wait to have something more to be happy about and see our three lil sharks making a mess around the house.” Ali sniggered against her lips, happy, kissing her back.

“One day at a time, babe. And you're going to therapy on Monday, okay?”

“Okay. Anything.”

“For us.”

“For us.”

They started making out, and things were about to get intense when Wyatt started crying and Ali separated with a chuckle.

“I'll take him.”

“I'll get going with the bath,” Ashlyn said, as they got up.

“Hey!” Ali held a hand up and Ashlyn high-fived it. “We've got this, Mommy.” Ashlyn smiled small and nodded.

“We do.”

  
  



	11. Help-less

**Chapter 11: Help-less.**

“How do you feel about your Dad?”

Ashlyn stared at her long-time therapist, Dr Jane Scarlett, for a moment. She was young, barely six or seven years older than herself, and had short red-dyed hair, a nose piercing, and a Harry Potter jumper, because these days were rather chilly. She was a trauma survivor and Ashlyn trusted her, but on this occasion, she wasn't optimistic about their session.

“I love him,” Ashlyn answered straight-away. “We didn't have much of a relationship when I was a child, but... in my teens, we got super close. He drove me to games, bought me soccer stuff, encouraged me, took me to dinner dates so we could talk about life and advise each other... and he always told me he loved me and he was so proud of me.”

“And now... he's gone.”

“Yes,” Ashlyn shrugged, hugging her knees. She had been going to Jane for so many years that she felt at home in her tiny consult, with its dark bookshelves filled with nerd things and psychology books, and the black sofa on which she always sat with her shoeless feet on it.

“How does that make you feel?”

“Unsafe. Vulnerable,” Ashlyn sighed, staring at her knees. “I thought I'd spend Thanksgiving with all of them. Christmas... I thought I wouldn't bury my parents for another thirty years at least. I thought we had time. And that until then, he would always support me, always help me, and I'd always get his hugs and laugh at his stupid jokes, and enjoy spoiling him every time I had the chance, or enjoy seeing him be happy as a grandfather. He didn't deserve this kind of death. You know, police called me this morning.”

“What did they say?”

“That the man who provoked the accident is a fifty-three year-old driver who has five children. Five. Three of them still minors, you know? And that he had the accident because his wife had been fired and two of his children were in university, and so he had wanted to keep his job so badly, in order to pay, that he had accepted his company's abusive working hours, and had been at the wheel for twelve hours straight, all through the night. That's why he fell asleep. He had been driving twelve hours every night for a week, under the threat of otherwise being fired, and he was bloody exhausted and closed his eyes for a second, so his truck invaded the other line, and he woke up hearing a loud noise, quickly returned to his lane, and was so tired he didn't realize what he had done. He didn't leave the scene because he was trying to run from justice... he did it because he was so tired he could hardly even see, so a few metres later he stopped the truck, fell asleep, and that's when he was arrested. My friend in the police told me the guy was so distressed when he found out he had killed four people, and cried so hard, that paramedics had to come to help him.”

“Sounds horrible.”

“It is. Four charges of vehicular manslaughter, that's what he's facing. Could be in prison for decades, unless... I drop the charges.”

Jane looked up at her with a light frown.

“So you're considering dropping the charges?” Ashlyn took a deep breath and shrugged, biting her lip. “He's a criminal, Ashlyn. He killed four people. Shouldn't he be put away so he cannot hurt anyone else?”

“But is it his fault really? He was doing what my parents did for years. Work their buts off to feed my brother and I... he was just trying to take care of his family, like a good father and husband. If anyone had to go to prison, it should be his bosses. It's just... a part of me hates him, thinks he's irresponsible and should've refused the contract and find another job, and wants him put away. But another... another gets it. My parents raised me to be kind, to be forgiving... and eventually I'll have to forgive him, right? I'll have to move on. It's what they would've told me. And if this man goes to prison, how does that help me? It's not like he has to learn a lesson, I'm sure he'd do it all over again because his family needs him, and what wouldn't a father do for his family? In any case, his company shouldn't be so abusive. I just want to leave this world better than I found it... and Wyatt already lost a father. I lost a father. I don't want five kids more to lose a father. The guy admitted he had been driving so long, he admitted he heard he had crashed, but didn't think of it because of how tired he was, he didn't even realize he had hit his head on the window and had a huge bruise from the crash, and he apologized. He felt sorry.”

“You're right. But you can't forgive before you're ready. You're not forgiving something tiny like someone stealing your pen. You're forgiving someone from killing your parents, your brother, your sister-in-law... for leaving you and your nephew orphans. And if you're not ready... that may hurt you a lot more than you think.”

“I know it'll break me. And I know it'll hurt even more if when the day to tell Wyatt comes, he hates me for it. But I also know it's the right thing to do.

Feeling heavy inside despite the therapy, Ashlyn used her skateboarding ride home to clear her head the best she could. It took her nearly twenty minutes more than by car to get home, but she couldn't get in her car. That was another thing she was working on with Jane, but so far things had worsened to the point that she couldn't even see Ali get in the car. She skated fast and with a high level of skills and experience, and yet when she was almost home, already into her gated community, she somehow saw herself flying through the air and falling hard, luckily with her legs on the grass and arms on the pavement, protecting her head.

“Fuck,” Ashlyn groaned, getting up. Her elbows were scratched and bleeding, and so where her palms, her knees hurt, and her skateboard had flown a few metres away. She picked it up with a shaking hand and walked the rest of her way home. Seeing Ali's car in the driveway, and feeling her hands so itchy, she got to the doorstep and pressed the doorbell with the back of her hands. “Alex! Open up!”

“Ashlyn? Did you forget your keys?” a few moments later, the door opened and Ali appeared, holding Wyatt against her hip. “Oh my God! What happened?”

“I fell with the skate.”

“You fell? How?”

“No idea. I wasn't focused, I might've not seen a step or something.”

“Sit on the sofa and take your pants off.”

“Gee Alex, I know I'm sexy but...”

“I'm going to clean your wounds,” Ali slapped her ass playfully and went to get the first aid kid while Ashlyn, smirking sat on the sofa. Removing her trousers without using her hands was a complicated task, but luckily she had good hip movement and she managed to sit on the sofa with her trousers in her ankles, feeling stupid. “Stay here love.” Ali put Wyatt on his bouncer by the sofa, and sat on the coffee table, opening the first-aid kit. “Your knees look battered.”

“It's how they feel.”

“At least it's just a bruise, I'll get ice.”

Ali went to the kitchen to get a couple gel ice pads, that she bent so they stayed on each knee while she cleaned the scratches on Ashlyn's palms and elbows and left her almost like new.

“Thanks Alex.”

“Are you okay? Was therapy that bad?”

Ashlyn shook her head with a deep sigh.

“I was thinking about telling the prosecution to drop the charges. I'll say otherwise I'll give the guy an expensive lawyer, and convince them.”

The former defended observed, surprised.

“Have you hit your head?”

“No.”

“Ashlyn, after what he's done, he should be in prison.”

“Alex,” Ashlyn looked sadly at her, “I don't have the strength to fight anymore. I can't deal with more anger, resentment and lack of forgiveness, I need to protect my mental health and right now trials are the last thing I need. Besides... why would he go to prison? Because he accepted an abusive treatment just to keep his job and be able to provide for five children? My parents did. I would do it. You would do it. So can we really blame him?”

“I can blame him for not stopping when he felt drowsy, for not suing his company, for not getting another job...”

“That's because you've never been poor, Ali. Your Dad and your Mum gave you a huge freaking house. That man is from one of the poorest areas of Orlando, and I get it. He felt like a nobody, like he could die and no one would care, like an ant working for a misery...” Ashlyn looked down, feeling so sad inside. “And he took it because misery was better than nothing at all, and because he wanted to provide for his family. And his kids responded, you know? I asked Charlie to check it out, and he told me the ones who went to university did it on own merits, earned scholarships through incredible marks, like I did. We're not so different. When you're poor, when you have nothing to lose except your family... you do whatever it takes to put a plate on the table. My Mum sold all her jewellery and worked whole nights, my Dad worked whole days to the point I barely even knew him... and in the end they had to bow the head and ask for food stamps because we were in our bones. I'm not sure I can really stay angry at that man, Al.”

Ali sighed, looking at her sadly, and moved to sit next to her, leaning against her shoulder.

“As long as you do as you feel in your heart it's right, then I will support you.”

That evening, Ashlyn had found out through her friend Charlie where the Reynolds, as it was the family of the arrested man, lived, and took her skateboard again to visit them. She wanted to know them, and this time she was careful with her skate, until she arrived to a one-storey humble-looking house where part of the front-wall paint was coming out. She knocked on the door, and a middle-aged black woman with hair going dry, thin and looking ten years older than she probably was, appeared. Her eyes looked like she had been crying, with bags underneath, and she looked tired and wore a dress that had seen better days.

“Yes?” the woman asked.

“I'm Ashlyn Krieger-Harris,” Ashlyn said. “I'd shake your hand, but...” she showed the scratches with a small smile. “Are you Dorothy Reynolds?”

“Yes. I don't know who you are, why are you here?”

“I'm a soccer player. Your husband, Marcus... he was arrested last week, wasn't he?” Dorothy looked confused, and nodded, her eyes filling with tears. “The people who died on the car accident Marcus caused were my parents, my big brother and my sister-in-law.”

“Oh my God...” Dorothy looked to be panicking, and she broke into crying. “I'm so sorry, I-I...”

“Sh... calm down Dorothy, I'm not here to ask for anything or harm you, come here,” Ashlyn couldn't help reaching out and hugging her softly, and Dorothy broke into crying as she rubbed her back soothingly. Ashlyn's eyes filled with tears as well and she squeezed her gently. “I'm s-sorry... h-he didn't m-meant...”

“I know. It was an accident. I know.”

A little black kid, no older than ten, came running and looked fiercely at Ashlyn.

“Leave my Mummy or I'll kick you!” he said holding a big wooden branch. His clothes looked decades old and worn-out, like he had inherited them from the eldest of his siblings. Ashlyn smiled sympathetically and rubbed her eyes, pulling away.

“I'm sorry little man, I won't do anything to Mummy.”

“Forgive him,” Dorothy rubbed her face and patted her son's head as he hugged her. “He hates to see me cry. He's overprotective, now that his Dad is gone.” She spoke hoarsely.

“I understand. Can I come in? I just wanna talk.”

Dorothy nodded and they went inside. The house was tiny, cramped, old and antiquated, and it reminded Ashlyn of how her own house had been when she was little. They sat on a worn-out sofa, and Dorothy convinced her son to go and play.

“His older siblings took the others to the park, but he didn't want to leave me, as much as I insisted,” Dorothy commented. “Can I offer you... water? I'm sorry... money's tight for anything else.”

“It's okay, I don't need anything.” Ashlyn looked around. No TV, no radio, just children toys scattered around the floor, many a little broken from having been used so much, like an armless doll. “You guys are really poor, right?”

“We're rich,” Dorothy smiled tearfully. “That's what Marcus always says. If you have a family that loves you and good health, and a ceiling over your head, you're rich.” Ashlyn smiled back at her and nodded.

“He's a very wise guy. My family was like this once too, you know? When I was as big as that boy of yours... I lived somewhere like this, and ate on food stamps. Are you on food stamps yet?”

“Sometimes. This week, will have to.” Ashlyn bit her lip, and shook her head, pulling her wallet. “No, we don't accept handouts, please...”

“Look,” Ashlyn looked at her kindly, pulling out a thousand bucks she had purposely carried with her, having thought of this at home. “This is not handout or pity. Your kids are hungry, probably you are too, aren't you? Giving your food to them. My parents were like that too. If I was still poor... I'd starve for my family. But they need to be strong, and so do you, and this world is nasty enough as it is, and without some extra kindness from any stranger... this world will eat your family alive. So please... accept this. Feed yourself and them like you wish to do.”

“I can't accept it, it's too much money...”

“Dorothy!Either you take this, or I'll give it to your son.”

“But why?”

“Because this world is hard enough as it is, and because if someone had done that to my family, we would've starved a little less too. Buy your kids some doughnuts or whatever.”

Not without reticence, Dorothy took the money.

“Thank you...”

“Anything you need, I want to help. But before... Dorothy, is everything I'm hearing true? Your husband's abusive contracts, your firing...”

“Yeah. He's busted his back working. I was a nurse,” Ashlyn looked surprised, “but with the cuts, they couldn't afford me anymore. And now no one wants to hire a black woman with five kids... with my husband working so much, I need to be available for my kids. The youngest, the one you saw, he's nine. Our little accident, if I'm honest, but we couldn't say no, we love him... He's got three sisters aged fourteen, seventeen and twenty-two, and a brother aged twenty. The eldest do their best to care for us, and work, but they're usually off in uni... just came for a few days due to what happened. My seventeen-year-old girl also works at a library after class, for a few hours, but she gets paid very little. I'm doing part-time jobs now, cleaning and those things, even though I do have superior studies and all...”

“How did you get so poor then?”

“Marcus' family was poor, and he never did well in uni, because he's got dyslexia, and back in the day, his high school didn't understand and he went undiagnosed until we were married, so he never got proper help through his studies,” Dorothy explained sadly. “His parents died when he was young, and he's an only child, so he just did handyman works, he's very good at those, but the driving paid better so... and I come from a middle-class family, but they're in Ohio, I came here because it was Marcus' home, we met through friends at a friend's wedding when we were very young actually... and we fell in love here and then I stayed. My family's long gone now as well, but for many years we did well. We lived very humble, he didn't earn that much, neither did I... but it was enough to live a modest life once we got five kids, and a bit more middle-class when we were less, but we always dreamed of a big family so we didn't mind if it cost more money. Then I got fired, about four years ago, and he asked for a pay rise, since he had worked for so many years... and his boss said that actually if he wanted to keep having a job, he'd have to get more hours, but that he'd see more money. Still, it's not much. But every year he was demanded more and more hours, until twelve now! And poor thing... he's so regretful of what happens, he hasn't slept at all since, I see him all broken every time I visit him in prison, he's so sorry. He's not a murderer, Mrs...”

“Ashlyn. I know... look, truth is I wanted to meet his family, to know what was happening. I'm raising my brother's now orphaned newborn, and I'm trying to make sense of things. The way I see it, your husband is a good man who made some mistakes and got unlucky, but lucky enough to have a big, loving family. And you know what... I'll spend the rest of my life without parents,” Ashlyn said sadly. “Parents who bust their asses off like you do to feed us... and my nephew's lost it all too. But I don't see why your children should lose their father too.”

“What do you mean?”

“I'm going to help you, Dorothy. We're going to make some things right.”


	12. Forgiveness is a virtue

**Chapter 12: Forgiveness is a virtue.**

When Ashlyn appeared home with the whole of Reynolds family save for Marcus, Ali was at a loss of words. When Ashlyn told her to order a nice, big dinner, while she made a phone-call, she was shocked, but she did as she was asked to do, and soon, the whole family sat around their dinning table eating some snacks with devotion, and drinking juices or beer, that they hadn't tasted in years. Logan looked confused, and Ali felt confused.

“Your wife is a truly wonderful person,” Dorothy said with a warm smile, her eyes full of tears as she saw her children fill their stomachs with appetite. “My children have been living on one meal a day for three days now. They're starved.”

“Oh my God,” Ali frowned. “Well, by all means, eat all you want... dinner will be here shortly.”

Ashlyn appeared and grinned, a sincere grin, when she saw the kids eating so much they couldn't bother to stop and say thank you. Dorothy served their plates first and she ate second.

“This is the family of the man they arrested,” Ashlyn told Ali. “I thought... I thought we could invite them to have dinner with us, and the kids could watch TV, or play some playstation, if they want.”

“You have a playstation?” the eldest boy asked, with wide dark eyes and a shirt that was a size too small.

“Yeah,” Ashlyn smiled. “And a pool, if you wish to come when it's hotter. Tonight's maybe a bit chilly.”

“Please, we don't want to abuse your kindness, I only accepted this because they're hungry, but...” Dorothy mumbled, embarrassed.

“Dorothy, let me do this, please.”

“Why are you so nice?” one of the younger girls asked, looking shyly at the woman.

“Because this world needs a bit more kindness, don't you think?” Ashlyn commented gently. The girl nodded, and ate with a bit more education and less like a hungry lion.

They sat for dinner and got to know each other. Ali and Ashlyn told them about soccer, their wedding and surfing, the kids spoke about their friends, school and their hobbies, the elders about university and the friends they had made, and the mother mainly listened, amazed by how along Ashlyn and Ali got to her children and how well she treated them. Then the kids asked whether they could watch a film in the TV, let the younger siblings pick whichever they wanted, and all sat with Logan to watch it, while Ali and Ashlyn, after checking on Wyatt, sat with Dorothy on the outside sofas in the backyard, with alcoholic beverages, the door wide open to hear the kids, blankets to stay warm under the stars, and the baby monitor to keep Wyatt watched.

“So,” Ashlyn said calmly, “tomorrow I'm going to visit your husband in prison, and then if all goes well, I'll meet with the prosecution, and I'm going to convince them to drop charges. If they refuse, I'll proceed by paying you a proper good lawyer so he avoids prison no matter what.”

“But he's the reason your family's dead. Why would you do that?” Dorothy asked, her eyes filling with tears again. Ashlyn took a deep breath and shook her head.

“Your husband isn't the reason why my family's dead, Dorothy,” said Ashlyn softly. “My family's dead because they were victims, like your husband, of poor, unfortunate life circumstances. My family was in the wrong place in the wrong moment because they wanted to surprise me on my birthday. My family died in that accident because of poor luck, when my brother's driving skills could've saved them if their luck had been different. And the accident happened because your husband was forced into a shitty situation by life kicking his butt just like it kicks us sometimes. And if he goes to prison for this, it won't stop that company from making whichever contracts they make. It won't stop your husband from feeling like he'd do it all over again for his family. It won't bring mine back. But it will damage your family beyond repair for the rest of your lives, and that's not something my family would want, nor do I. Besides, if your husband spends the rest of his life in prison, or the next twenty years, doesn't matter... your kids will know nothing but poverty, and chances are they'll become poor adults that end-up in the street. No one wants that, do we?”

Dorothy broke into crying, covering her face with her hands, and Ashlyn hugged her, while Ali tried not to start crying as well. She truly thought her wife was one of a kind, but this was a whole other level, and she was so proud, but also so sad about the Reynolds' poor luck.

“We don't deserve your help,” Dorothy muttered when she had finally calmed down, minutes later. “He took your family from us...”

“And I forgive him. And you can't be mad at him, it was an accident,” Ashlyn rubbed tears off her own eyes.

“How can you forgive him?”

“I have no idea. Perhaps because I know he's as much of a victim as my family... and besides... I too needed to be forgiven so much once. I was a bullied and became a bully, and those people I hurt forgave me too, because they could see I was actually a nice person who regretted the past. And your husband needs to be forgiven to move on, and I'll give him that tomorrow, I promise. Look, you're a nurse, right? My sister-in-law was a nurse, in a hospital in Orlando, which means her hospital just lost one... so maybe I can talk to them and see if they'll give you an interview, right? Can't make any promises, but I know they pay good. And if they don't give you a job... I know our club needs medical personnel all the time. I'd see if they could hire you.”

“And I'll keep you in mind when I have the next football camp,” Ali added smiling warmly at Dorothy, feeling emotional. “There are a ton of kids and it's always good to have a nurse around in case anyone gets hurt.”

“Thank you so much! Both of you, how can I ever thank you enough?”

“Easy,” Ashlyn smiled small. “Be happy. When your husband comes home, don't forget you're rich. Find me if you ever need anything, play with your kids, see them graduate, have big birthday parties every year, and even bigger Christmases, because you never know when it's the last one. Don't accept denigrating work conditions, go on holiday trips, and fucking be happy, you know? Because a lot of good things happen when you get out of poverty, and I'll make sure you do. Hell.. with my first big pay I bought my mother the prettiest earrings, the first ones she's had in years, because she sold her stuff for us. And I bought my brother an skateboard, and my Dad a shiny new watch. One day your kids will be spoiling you too, as it should be, and in the meantime... spoil them a little. Get all the happiness and joy you can get, and when you do... think of my boy, okay? And pray I don't fuck him over, okay? That's all I ask.”

Dorothy nodded and hugged her tightly, and this time a few tears escaped Ashlyn's eyes.

“I'll pray for you all every single day. We all will. Can I...” Dorothy separated, rubbing her eyes. “Can I ask when the baby's birthday is?”

“August the 2nd,” Ashlyn replied.

“By then we should be better,” Dorothy nodded. “I'll remember... and we'll visit. I'm sure my husband will want to say sorry in person, if that's okay by you?” Ashlyn nodded.

When later that night, Ali arrived from driving the Reynolds home, she couldn't help grinning big at Ashlyn as she saw her snuggled in bed with Wyatt, and joined her.

“You know...” Ali commented, leaning over Wyatt to kiss her. “When I married you, I knew I was marrying a really special human being, but you continue to blow my mind.” Ashlyn smiled small, moving a hand over Wyatt to put it on her hip.

“It may sound crazy, but I feel better after today,” said Ashlyn. “The phone-call I made earlier... it was to ask Nana permission to do all of this, and she was so happy, so proud and understanding, like I knew she'd be. I realize now that all I want for Wyatt is a better world... and that maybe if I can just start with myself and be more forgiving and more loving, that'll ricochet and give him good stuff, right? And maybe one of those kids will become doctors who save others' lives, or teachers educating a better future generation, or loving parents making better humans... and then it'll all be worth it. If something good comes out of this hell, it'll be worth it.”

Ali moved so she could hold her family as close as possible and kissed the top of Ashlyn's forehead, as their faces came together over Wyatt's face.

“I don't have words to describe how wise you are, how proud I am of you, how much I love you and how bloody lucky I feel to have you, but I'm going to spend my whole life trying to be half as good as you.”

Ashlyn snorted a laugh.

“Come on Alex, if you improve any more, you'll explode.”

Ali laughed and pulled her even closer, closing her eyes and preparing to sleep. This night would be a bit better for Ashlyn than the one before.

The next day, Ashlyn went early to the prison where Marcus Reynolds was temporary, as he awaited for trial. Because the prison was a bit far, Ashlyn had to gulp an anxiolytic and accept Ali's offer of driving her, doing small pauses every now and then when she felt she was getting too overwhelmed. Ali and Wyatt would hang out by themselves while Ashlyn visited the inmate, so she went inside alone.

Ashlyn was guided by police to a visiting room with a table and a chair on each side, and Marcus was brought in and handcuffed to the table. He looked terribly sad, tired, and, like his wife, as if he had aged incredibly in prison.

“Who are you?” Reynolds asked, looking at her with eyes that, despite the sadness in them, were soft and warm and full of kindness.

“I'm Ashlyn. I'm Mike and Tammye's only living child left. Do you know who they are?” Reynolds' eyes widened for a second and then he started crying, to Ashlyn's surprise, and covered his face with one big hand. “Hey, calm down mate, I didn't come here to shout at you...”

“Mike, Tammye, Chris, Anna, and the little boy Wyatt,” Reynolds blurted out removing his hand from his face when he could stop crying, although his cheeks shun with the tears and his eyes were permanently glassy. His voice sounded full of pain and hoarse. “I'll never forget them. I pray for their souls every day, I truly do.”

“Wyatt's alive, actually,” Ashlyn said softly, believing he thought he was dead too.

“I know,” Reynolds nodded. “I ask my lawyer for information constantly. But he has to live without parents. I know what that's like. So I pray for him. And I pray he doesn't let his heart root in hatred and resentment. That his soul stays pure.”

Ashlyn nodded slowly, moved, intertwining her hands over the table.

“He's my son now,” Ashlyn said. “So thank you. I'll make sure it does. But now we have to take care of yours.”

“Me? Don't worry, Ashlyn. I'll be here for decades...” he said rubbing tears from his eyes.

“I worry, because that's not what I want.”

“How can it not be? After what I've done?”

“Your family's starving without your salary. I met them yesterday, they need you, Marcus. You're an orphan. I'm an orphan. Wyatt's an orphan. No need for any more children to lose a parent, don't you think? And I, personally, don't see how you being here fixes anything. My family's still dead. Yours will join if we don't get you back on your feet. So tell me, are you sorry?”

Reynolds nodded effusively.

“I've never regretted anything more in my life! I keep dreaming about it, wondering what I could've done to fix things, wishing I was the dead one and not them...” he started crying again and Ashlyn was going to reach a hand to hold his, but she saw a policeman that stood near them get rigid, and moved her hand away. “I'm a miserable man! I'm a worthless piece of crap! I should be dead!”

“Don't say that. Don't ever say that, Marcus,” Ashlyn said firmly. “Your family loves you so much. They miss you. I'm sure you're a wonderful father and husband, and probably an excellent friend. You're a good soul, anyone could see that. So listen to me, look at me, Marcus,” he did as he was told, sobbing quietly. “I forgive you. My family forgives you. You know what Mike, Tammye, Chris and Anna would say? They'd say we all make mistakes sometimes, that we all struggle, we all feel alone at times... but that you have to forgive yourself and move on, and your duty is to be with your family and take care of them for the rest of your life, like my people would do. You're as much of a victim as they were.”

“Why are you being kind with me? You shouldn't be!”

“Shouldn't I? So what do I do, Marcus? Be angry at you forever? Hate you for the rest of my life? Well I can't. I have to learn to be a mother in record time, mate. I have to take care of my wife and our family. I cannot afford resentment. And the way I see it, if the world was a fairer place, and a kinder place, you would've never gotten to be here. It was an accident, okay? You have no malice. It was an accident. A tragic fucking accident. Don't ever forget that, and don't look at the past to try and see what you could've done differently... what's done it's done. Don't torture yourself anymore.”

“I'm so sorry, Ashlyn. I wish I could bring them back...”

“You can't, so forget it. Now listen, I'm going to do my best to get you out of here, okay? I'll try to get the prosecution to drop the charges, but if they don't, you'll go to a trial. But don't worry. I'll refuse to collaborate in your imprisonment, my living family refuses, and I'll get you a truly good lawyer.”

“No way! You can't do that, you're supposed to-,”

“I'm supposed to leave this world better than how I found it, and I'm not going to live with having a man whose biggest crime was to try his best to help his family and care for them spending decades in prison, if not life, without doing anything to avoid it. My living family agreed with me, and we'll get you out. But you have to promise me something first.”

“Anything you want.”

“I want you to take care of yourself and your family. I want you to get help, mental help, to not be depressed, to not feel guilty all the time, to move on, okay? And I want you to let me get you a good job. A real good one with which you can provide for your family, save for good holidays, and still have a good schedule that gives you time to play with your kids and go to sleep enough hours.”

Marcus looked at her as if she was joking, but she managed a smile, and he smiled back.

“For real?” she nodded. “I... of course! Oh my God, I'll do anything, I... I can't wait to hug my family.”

“I don't know how long will I need to get you out of here, but I won't stop until I manage, okay? So be hopeful. Stay out of trouble in here, be an exemplar inmate, stay safe, and stay positive. I'll be as fast as I can.”

“Bless you, Ashlyn. God bless you. Thank you.”

“Thank me when you're home, mate.”

When Ashlyn next saw Ali, she was grinning big even though she was getting back in the car, and kissed Ali full of enthusiasm.

“I take it went well?” Ali asked with a chuckle.

“Couldn't have gone better. Let's go see the prosecutor's office.”

The prosecutor wasn't as nice. He was indignant about Ashlyn's threat of refusing all collaboration with them and hiring a top class lawyer for Marcus Reynolds, but decided that if that was Ashlyn's plan, then he'd drop the charges, although as he signed an order for charges to be dropped and Marcus to be released, he kept saying that she would regret it forever.

Because bureaucracy took a few hours, Ashlyn and Ali returned home with Wyatt, and picked Mrs Reynolds up shortly before dinner time to go get Marcus from prison as he was finally released. They waited nervously in a patio and then finally the man arrived, back in his normal clothes and with a bag thrown over his shoulder. His wife immediately jumped to his arms and as they hugged and kissed, they cried, and Ashlyn and Ali exchanged big smiles.

“I think you've earned heaven,” Ali commented squeezing Ashlyn's hand.

After a few minutes, the older marriage separated, and Marcus beamed at Ashlyn, who opened her arms for a hug she was quick to receive.

“You are an angel!” Marcus exclaimed enthusiastically. “I can't believe it!”

“You'll do anything I ask you to do, right?” Ashlyn asked.

“Anything!”

“Then, let me invite you and your wonderful family for dinner, right?” Ashlyn smiled as they separated. “I want to take you somewhere special.”

Marcus and Dorothy exchanged a look, as if he was asking her permission, and she nodded, smiling.

“It'll be our pleasure,” Marcus declared.

They had come in two cars, with Ashlyn daring to drive, thanks to her medication, and so it was easy to go get the kids, and also Wyatt, who was with a nanny, and sit them in both cars. Ashlyn made sure to have Marcus in her car, away from Wyatt, because she wanted to wait to introduce them, and observed from the car as Marcus got his children and they had a big family hug, before Marcus and the youngest went back to her car, and the eldest and Dorothy went with Ali to the other car. And then they drove to Satellite Beach.

Ashlyn had picked one of her favourite spots, knowing the Reynolds children liked tacos, and it was one right by the beach, although it was a cold day to get in the water. They sat there and observed as the kids ran to get their feet wet on the water, running around, playing and laughing.

“So,” Ashlyn picked Wyatt up and handed it to Marcus, “I want you to meet Wyatt. Wyatt, this is our friend Marcus.” Marcus grinned big and picked Wyatt as if he was incredibly fragile, kissing his forehead sweetly.

“I'm so sorry, my boy,” Marcus said softly. “He's such a handsome dude, I bet he'll be a good man.” He returned it to Ashlyn.

“Hopefully yes.”

“You've got your own quite well raised, they get along well,” Ali observed.

“Oh, we were just lucky they have good hearts,” Dorothy smiled looking at her children and not-so-children. “They were so easy.”

“There they are,” Ashlyn saw her grandparents and uncle coming, and handed Ali their baby before going to hug them and bring them over. “Marcus, Dorothy, this is Eunice and Curtis, my Dad's parents, and Tammye's brother James.”

“Oh...” Marcus looked unsure, standing up as if ready to be slapped. Eunice smiled and surprisingly for him, hugged him tightly, while Curtis hugged Dorothy.

“It's okay,” Eunice said kindly as Marcus, overwhelmed, went into crying once more. “I'm so sorry you've had such an awful time.”

“I'm so sorry I killed your family,” Marcus said between sobs.

“Don't be silly, you didn't kill them,” said Curtis calmly, putting an arm around his granddaughter. “This was all just one very unfortunate succession of events.”

“We know you didn't mean it, and if Ashlyn says you're a good man, we believe it,” added James. “They would forgive you, and so we will.”

As they sat for dinner, eating plenty and finding lighter topics of conversation, they discussed Marcus Reynolds' employment options. Apparently he had experience in multiple jobs, from secretary, to assistant, gardener, cleaning service, driver and even photographer and photo editor. He turned out to be a very creative guy, and back in the day he had designed slogans as a freelance, which turned-out to not bring enough food onto the table, even though arts were his forte and what he liked most. He wasn't very excited about getting back in front of the wheel, so those jobs were forgotten right away, but Ali had an idea.

“In our club in Orlando,” Ali commented. “They always need a good creative team. People to take the photographs, design slogans, film feature videos, design stuff for the website and all... The photographer actually just retired, so they've been looking for a new one for the next season. Hours are very flexible and salary's a little modest, but it's a good organization where they treat everyone like family. We could put a word out for you, if you want.”

Marcus' eyes turned brighter.

“You'd do that for me?”

“I told you we'd get you a job,” Ashlyn reminded him with a chuckle. “Of course we'd do that, if you want.”

“I'd love that! Gosh, I haven't done anything creative... since I painted the kids' nursery, I think,” Marcus smiled an honest smile. “You guys are so generous.”

“After all the luck we've gotten, it's time to give back a little,” said Ali modestly. “To keep things balanced, you know.”

“Exactly,” Ashlyn nodded. “Now eat! I want to see you be unable to walk!”


	13. EM What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Wrote this chapter when myself I was considering a HUGE change of profession from acting to paramedic, but eventually couldn't because destiny played its card so I stuck with the acting/writing.

**Chapter 13: EM what?**

The first few weeks after a loss are always the hardest, and part of it it's thanks to bureaucracy. Suddenly you have more properties than ever, with deadlines you have to meet to empty them, do paperwork, decide what to sell and what to keep, and once you decide to keep stuff, where do you save it? How do you manage to get all your relatives' things without succumbing to sadness as you go down memory lane? How do you dare to throw away things that you knew were special for them, but that to you are just useless? And then you've got endless meetings with lawyers, accountants or real estate agents to figure out what to do with the total of things you've inherited and complete the paperworks just to inherit.

The whole process was so stressful that it gave Ashlyn tremendous amounts of anxiety, not to mention that at the same time, they started Ali's IUI. Ali was in no hurry, and suggested multiple times to wait, but Ashlyn knew Ali was already borderline in the age where pregnancies could become complicated, and she didn't want to wait a minute more, so she resolved to taking an anxiolytic and antidepressants every few hours, with the frequency recommended by her doctor, and kept going. Whenever they had 'free time', they went to introduction to motherhood classes in down-town Orlando, where they learned things such as what diets were appropriate for each stage of a baby's life, what not to keep in a crib, or whether it was or wasn't a good idea to keep your baby in bed with you.

Learning that a baby was so easy to kill didn't do much to ease Ashlyn's stress, and even going to therapy became stressful, because she didn't have time for it. She was sleeping little, eating little, and starting to lose hair, and Ali wasn't much better, as the pressure of things and the worries began to take their toll on her. Having Ashlyn's family tragedy all over the internet proved to just make things harder, as there was no way of going out in the street without being stopped by well-intentioned kind people who meant their best giving condolences, but only irritated them further.

“I think he's a good candidate, he reminds me of you,” Ali commented one of the many nights they stayed awake a little longer to decide for a sperm donor, now that Ali was under medication to stimulate her egg production and make her super fertile.

“Yeah,” Ashlyn's eyes itched from staring at the screen too long. “I don't know why we keep researching, Ali. Every night we go back to the same guy.”

“Well I want to be sure there isn't a better option.”

“There's anything better than the best, babe.”

“Okay,” Ali closed her laptop. “I'm happy we got this out of the way. He's a good choice.”

“He is,” Ashlyn rolled to spoon her wife.

As Ali's maternal instinct seemed to be sharpening, Ashlyn got to wake up to the tender image of her holding their son and cooing at him, blowing raspberries on his belly and laughing lightly at his faces and sounds.

“You're so cute,” Ali murmured. “You're so effin cute!”

“Put him away and I'll show you something cute,” Ashlyn murmured jokingly hugging her from behind as they sat in bed and kissing her neck.

“Good morning,” Ali smiled turning to kiss her, and put Wyatt in his crib before returning to her. “Good mood?”

“Well,” Ashlyn shrugged, embracing her and lying her down to hover over her, “I woke up to a very sexy woman, I can't always help myself.”

They got busy making out as if it was their last chance to do so, but before things could get any hotter, Wyatt started crying and Ashlyn groaned and went to attend his needs. Then afterwards, Ali was already busy making breakfast, so with Wyatt in one arm, Ashlyn joined her and poured herself a glass of Scotch.

“Isn't it a bit early for that?” Ali inquired with a light frown, observing.

“It's now or never, I can't take alcohol once I take my meds,” Ashlyn said giving it a long sip. “God, this is so nice it's surreal.”

“Okay, but you're not drinking that on an empty stomach. Have some pancakes...”

Ashlyn agreed, even though she wasn't really hungry. She just craved one glass in the morning and one at night after dinner, and she was good to go.

“What are you doing today?” the goalkeeper asked as she sat Wyatt on her lap with one arm around him and observed Ali as they ate together.

“I thought we could go buy this one some new clothes, he's growing fast and most of his socks no longer fit him well,” Ali commented. “And I was going to do some paperwork for the Football Camps, I want to hold one early in December. Did you hear Orlando wants to start a Pride 15 to 18 year olds team? Just like the one the men's have, to prepare future players. They asked me to coach it, since I've got the license... and I was thinking about it.” Ali now had an A-Youth Course License, after having acquired her B license the year before, and previously her C license. Ashlyn wasn't interested in coaching, but she was happy Ali was doing stuff that excited her.

“I hadn't heard, but I think you'd be terrific for the job, Ali. You were a top class player, and you'll be a top class coach.”

“Thank you babe,” Ali smiled satisfied. “I was just wondering, with Wyatt here... I'll be working all next season if I take the job, it will be parallel to your season, and I'll be working almost daily. The kids will be competing with the other youth teams in Florida and in America, so trips will also be happening... we'll need a long-time nanny.”

“You guys will have much less games than us in the NWSL, I'm sure we'll work it out. And if we need a nanny we'll get one,” Ashlyn shrugged, giving Wyatt a sound kiss on his cheeky cheek. “Right buddy? We'll get you a babysitter, uh? So you can play all day long. Or maybe it won't be necessary...”

“How wouldn't it be?” Ashlyn shrugged.

“I might not go back.”

Ali looked at her with a shocked expression.

“You might not go back? But you love soccer Ashlyn, what happened to 'I wanna play until I'm 38?' you love playing.”

“I'm not sure I feel any joy towards soccer anymore, Alex. Every time I think about it I think of how if I hadn't been playing that game, if I hadn't been in the national team...”

“You could've had any other job in any other place and they could have still died coming to surprise you. It was your birthday.”

“Then maybe I shouldn't have been born altogether.”

Ali frowned at her angry statement.

“You don't mean it.”

“Don't I?” Ashlyn puffed. “If I hadn't been born, they would've been this wonderful family, and they wouldn't have had any reason to take the car and-”

“If you hadn't been born, no one would've pulled them out of addiction, Ashlyn. If you hadn't been born, you brother would've had no reason to go clean, and he would've ended-up killing himself. Wyatt wouldn't be here either.”

Ashlyn sighed, looking down in frustration.

“Even if you were right-”

“Of course I'm right!”

“Still... I think I'd rather stay and take care of Wyatt and you. I want to be closer home. I don't want to turn around and...”

“And?”

The goalkeeper puffed, and shook her head.

“It feels like if I'm not looking, someone will die, Alex. I'm afraid of losing someone else, and you know what's the worst of that?” Ali looked serious at her, attentive, just listening. “I know I will lose more people. It's unavoidable, right? So all I've got left to wonder is when, how and who. You're all going to die and there's nothing I can do about it, and it drives me mad, like you wouldn't believe. So maybe if I was here... at least I could spend more time with you all before it happens. If it goes by age, Nana and Grandpa will go next and... I...” Ashlyn's eyes filled with tears, and her lip trembled just by thinking about it.

Ali moved quickly to wrap her arms around both, comforting her wife the best she could, and tried to understand her process of thinking. She knew it was depression and anxiety talking, and that as much medication as she took and as much therapy as she had, there were certain thoughts that were hard to avoid, making her, her own worst enemy at times.

“Listen, Ash, you need to get your head back in the game,” Ali said taking Wyatt from her and sitting next to her, holding her hand. “If you don't, you'll be here, often alone, hours and hours with a baby, and that's the ideal stage for your head to go mad. You are depressive, and if you don't have something like a championship to focus on and fight for, that forces you to a good diet, exercise routines and keeps you surrounded by our friends, then it'll be a matter of time before no therapy or meds in the world can help you anymore.”

Ashlyn nodded, knowing she was right.

“Thanks for being there Ali.”

“No need, I'm your wife. There's nothing else I'd rather do.” Ali kissed her softly. “Come on, get dressed and let's buy this little ass some new fancy stuff!”

They hadn't gone to buy anything for Wyatt since the summer, when they had shopped a few toys and clothes as a gift for his birth, but this was a whole new experience, going as his mothers. They struggled to not buy unnecessary things, and to contain squealing when they saw cute stuff, such as sharks pyjamas or little boots that he wasn't even going to need at such young age.

“Look at his,” Ashlyn pouted holding a baby beanie. “We have to buy this!”

“Aww!” Ali clapped her hands, and looked at Wyatt in his carriage. “Let's try it on!”

In the end they came home with three extra bags, but enjoyed feeling like a normal family for once. Then Ali focused in her other tasks, between them writing an email to accept the coaching position she had been offered, and Ashlyn tried to organize some of the boxes they had full of her family's belongings while also keeping an eye out for their baby boy. As she did so, she came across some old folders that had belonged to her Dad, and one of them fell and opened, revealing tons of files that Ashlyn picked-up. As she looked to see what they were, she was surprised to find it was tons of notes and study material to become an EMT. She had no knowledge that her Dad had ever wanted to be an EMT, but his name was everywhere.

Two hours later, Ashlyn was still engrossed reading all the study material. Her father had printed books and handwritten notes here and there with acronyms to help remember concepts, little drawings on the corners, underlining of words, or sometimes paragraphs he had simplified in the margins. She had never had the most minimal interest in EMTs either, even though she recognized it was a great profession, but what she was reading about, such as first aid stuff or how to attend an emergency birth, as well as anatomy concepts, surprisingly absorbed her in ways nothing really had for weeks.

“Ashlyn,” the goalkeeper looked up and found Ali's head peeking from the attic's trap door on the attic floor. “What are you reading so absorbed? I've been calling you for a while.”

“I'm sorry. It's just... my Dad once studied to be an EMT.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, I didn't know either but I just found out entire photocopied study books and notes, all sorts of study material, and at first I was reading it out of curiosity but I kinda like it. It's such interesting stuff.”

“I wonder why he never became an EMT.”

“Me too. But he must've been very young, because this is his early handwriting, so who knows. Maybe Mum got pregnant and he decided he wanted to be home more.”

“Yeah... funny how we never quite fully know people. Anyway, what do you want for lunch?”

“Lunch? It's only...” Ashlyn checked her watch and looked surprised. “Woah! I've been here for two hours.”

“Yes you have,” Ali smiled. “You were always a bit nerd, I'm not surprised. But come and help me come up with some fascinating dish, pretty please.”

“Coming!”

As they sat together for lunch, Ashlyn had a sudden idea.

“Hey, babe...” she started looking up from her plate at her gorgeous wife. “Do you think I'd be a good EMT?”


	14. Something bigger

**Chapter 14: Something bigger.**

“Again?”

Ashlyn jumped from her seat, surprised by her wife's sudden appearance as if she had been watching porn. In reality, she was just focused reading her father's EMT notes again, as she had been doing for the last three days. Ali didn't understand where her obsession came from, and to be sincere, Ashlyn didn't completely either, but truth was the medical and anatomy books became her bedtime stories and whenever Wyatt went down for a nap, if she wasn't tired, she's go back to the books and notes, and sometimes even when she was tired.

“I'm learning useful stuff. Now I know what to do when your water breaks.”

“Yes, depending on how the contractions are, maybe call an ambulance,” Ali side smiled, walking over to Ashlyn, who sat on a sofa in the backyard. “Do you really intend on being an EMT?”

“I don't know Alex... but I love learning new stuff, and I'm quite rusty when it comes to science, but this stuff is so interesting, and full of cool drawings of the human body, and I like to be able to actually help if there's an emergency, to be prepared and know what to do.”

“Okay, and doesn't it have something to do with the fact that it was something your father liked? Aren't you only obsessed because it makes you feel closer to him?”

“Don't play therapist,” Ashlyn murmured. “Look, this isn't any different from re-reading Harry Potter, only that it's actually important life knowledge. What's so wrong with it? We're having kids, it's great for me to be ready to help if they are half as much of danger to themselves as Chris and I were.”

Ali sighed and sat next to her, looking at the many folders the younger woman had on her lap, including a map of all the human bones with their names.

“Babe, I think it's so cool for you to be learning this stuff, but when you start talking about actually becoming an EMT... it does make my hair stand up a little.”

“Why? What's so wrong with it? I have a surgeon's pulse, I'd be great!”

“I have no doubt, but Ashlyn, you hated chemistry and biology in school, you said you were only good at dissecting stuff.”

“Which comes very in handy now, I'm not squeamish at all. Besides, people change, I became a top grades student.”

“But you aren't an EMT. Your whole life, you've been a goalkeeper, it's all you ever wanted. You studied communications and interpersonal relationships, not sciences-,”

“It comes very in handy to know how to communicate in tense EMT situations.”

“-and then you always wanted to work in fashion, you're absolutely obsessed about modelling and designing stuff... you're pure creativity. Wanting to be an EMT all of the sudden... it's a phase, and a mistake, I think. Furthermore, I think it's only part of your grief, you wish you could do more to protect your people, so-,”

“Stop psychoanalysing me, please,” Ashlyn grumbled. Ali puffed and shook her head.

“Look if it's really what you want to do, I'll support you, but don't expect me to be cheerful about you throwing your whole career away just because of a sudden change of mind.”

“I'm not throwing anything away! Just because I read about this, it doesn't mean I'm just going to work on that, I'd need to pass a number of exams, and I wouldn't do that until I retire.”

“You didn't go to November camp with the National Team, will you go on January or will you retire? Because it's sounding more and more like you're never going back.”

“All I know is that as long as I'm getting used to motherhood and Wyatt is getting used to his new life, I won't be working on anything, not EMT either, okay? And who knows, Ali... I don't know when I'll feel like working again, in anything.”

“What?” Ali frowned. “I thought you were dying to work, to keep your mind busy, right? You said your mental health needed it.”

“Yes, and that hasn't changed, but at the same time... it's like coming back from an ACL. Your body isn't ready, but you can't wait to be back. Well, I can't wait to be back, but at the same time my mindset is not right to be back, fight for a championship or tournaments or whatever... I'm not there yet.”

Ali nodded, leaning into her and wrapping her arms around her. She knew marriage was forever and, going in, she knew they'd become entirely different people over the years, and would still need to find ways to woo each other and stay together, but she never thought the changes would come so fast. For her, two months before they had been happy, successful, joyful, planning a pregnancy and in no way ready to drop soccer, and now it was a bit of a vertigo feeling as it all changed at once. But she was determined to get to the other side and stay by Ashlyn's side, so she wrapped her arms around her and held her close, feeling the goalkeeper relax into her embrace, wrapping her strong goalkeeper arms around her waist.

“Does it really bother you that much, the EMT thing?” Ashlyn murmured after a while. Ali shook her head, pressing her lips against her temple and rubbing her back gently.

“I'm just afraid you'll make a decision, then regret it and there'll be no turning back.”

“Doctor Scarlett advised against making big decisions during this time, so... I'm not making any now. It's just a hobby.”

“Okay well... let's just do one day at a time, uh? I have a doctor's appointment now to check if I'm good to do the insemination, and if I am we were going to do it today, so... you coming, right?”

“Shit, I forgot!” Ashlyn said as they separated. “Sure, let me just grab my shoes, do you think we can take Wyatt?”

“I thought you were going to ask Sydney if she could babysit?”

“Oh,” Ashlyn bit her lip, looking like a deer in highlights. “Sorry, I...”

“Forgot,” Ali nodded, getting up. She knew her wife had so much in her mind, but this was a really important thing. It wasn't just any medical appointment, they were going to try to get her pregnant, have a baby. How could she just forget? And it wasn't the first time. Lately if Ali didn't keep track of all the pregnancy procedures and steps, no one home would. It almost felt like she was doing this all alone.

“I'm so sorry Al, I'm going to get my shoes on and take my meds to be chill in the car, and we'll take Wyatt, we can ask a nurse to please watch him for a moment if he can't be in the same room,” Ashlyn felt so guilty, noticing Ali's sudden coldness, and knowing she hadn't been the best wife lately. She didn't even remember to ask about her day much lately, or showered her in attention as usual. She was normally either busy with herself, Wyatt, or if she was free, watching TV or more frequently, reading EMT stuff.

“Okay,” Ali said simply, walking inside.

Ashlyn sat in the back with Wyatt to keep an eye on him during the drive, making noises for him with her mouth until he fell asleep and they made their way to the fertility clinic being driven by Ali, arriving there shortly. Unlike other places, here privacy was very respected and there was no need of going around with hats and sunglasses, so Ashlyn could simply get Wyatt in the baby bag and carry him while walking alongside Ali through the long pistachio green corridors to the tiny office of their gynaecologist.

Once there, they sat with their doctor without having to do long waiting, and talked about procedures for a bit, as the doctor commented with them the results of the analysis they had recently done to check how was Ali's fertility treatment going and whether it was a good moment to do the insemination, as it had been initially planned. The doctor gave the green light, so Ali went to get into a gown and Ashlyn would sit next to her with Wyatt asleep in his bag, and hold her hand during the brief procedure, as the baby was allowed with them.

Ali nervously looked at her wife while the doctor prepared a catheter with their donor's washed and pre-prepared sperm, and Ashlyn squeezed her hand gently and gave her a confident smile.

“It'll be just fine,” Ashlyn assured leaning for a quick peck on her forehead. “I love you.”

“Chances are this won't work at the first attempt, though,” Ali murmured.

“And that'll be fine too. We're not quitters in this family.”

“Ready?” the doctor asked.

The former defender nodded, and she only winced slightly as she felt the catheter going straight to her womb, very gently and delicately, so everything could be placed in its proper place. And about half an hour later, they were back in their car and driving back to their home in Altamonte Springs.

“Sure you feel good to drive?” Ashlyn kept asking, doing her breathing exercises to stay calm and collected in the car, that still made her nervous.

“I just got inseminated Ashlyn, I'm not invalid,” Ali retorted dryly. Ashlyn understood the brunette was still somewhat bothered by her forgetfulness, and nodded, not wanting to argue in the car.

It was a cloudy day near Thanksgiving, about a month after they had started the whole IUI process, and traffic was a bit slow, but they finally made it home and after putting Wyatt in his crib, Ashlyn walked over to Ali, who was typing away in her computer in the office studio, as she settled things for the Ali Krieger Football Camps and answered emails.

“Can we talk?” Ashlyn asked peeking inside the room after a quick knock on the door.

“I'm a bit busy right now,” Ali said, her eyes fixed on the screen. “This has to be done today, I've got deadlines. Is it important?”

“Depends on how important do you consider our relationship's health.”

Ali sighed, looking briefly at her.

“Fine,” she puffed, closing her laptop.

“Well no, if you'd rather do your emails, it's not that important,” Ashlyn scowled and left the room. She could practically hear Ali rolling eyes, but she merely decided to forget the topic. She had tried, now the ball was in Ali's soil. So she went to wash the dishes and poured herself a glass of wine, putting on soft music.

Ashlyn's hands and knees had healed by then, so washing the dishes was okay. Once she finished, she poured herself what by then was a third glass of wine, and sat outside by the pool, rolling her trousers up and sinking her legs in the water as she sat on the verge of the pool with her glass, while her thoughts wandered. She and Ali hadn't made love in two months, which was unusual for them unless they had camp, which had only lasted for the very beginning of those two months. She missed the intimacy, but when you had a newborn and tragedy in life, it was a bit difficult to get any action. And lately, she didn't think Ali wanted it anyway. Even though they were going through an incredible time, making a family and having their best dreams come true, they hadn't been so distanced in years. Ali felt unfamiliar with the new Ashlyn, who thought about being an EMT, wasn't as passionate about sports and fashion as she had been her whole life, couldn't get in a car, forgot important things, and was no longer full of jokes, non-seriousness, dancing, music and wisdom. Ashlyn felt her distancing, and had issues to reconnect with her wife. But at the same time, she felt incredibly lonely. It wasn't her fault that her head was messed-up and no one understood. Ali had always understood things, but now Ashlyn felt she was judged continuously, which was exhausting and only made her feel lonelier. In truth, Ali inquired and questioned things so much in an effort to understand, but to Ashlyn it only felt like Ali didn't like who she was becoming, like she had to justify every decision and little thing, and like she was infinitely misunderstood. For example with things like memory. Why would Ali judge her to not care about her family, when what actually happened, was that there was too much going on in her mind to remember everything she wanted to remember?

But loneliness wasn't a one-way thing. As Ali threw herself into work, she desperately tried not to feel that emptiness and hollowness in her heart. Seeing Ashlyn change so much, so fast, made her feel like she lived with a stranger, like her wife was dead and she missed her so much she felt like crying. And on top of things, when Ashlyn seemed to neglect her family so much, forgetting all kinds of important events and very often putting Wyatt on Ali's charge, barely spending time home between therapies and whatnot, and not being mentally there when she was home, thus seeming to not care about her family as she was no longer very attentive of them, it made Ali felt like she was completely alone.

  
  



	15. Hollowness

**Chapter 15: Hollowness.**

When Ashlyn finally returned into the house, she was surprised to find Ali changing Wyatt's nappy in the living room, with an expression of weariness. When she heard Ashlyn, Ali looked up at her with annoyance, closed Wyatt's clean nappy, and hugged him close as she straightened his little shirt, buttoning it around his nappy.

“I thought-you had-so-musch work-to dow?” Ashlyn inquired, slurring slightly, which didn't do much to dissolve Ali's annoyance.

“And I do, which is why I shouted at you to handle Wyatt when he started crying twenty minutes ago, but you were busy sitting by the pool getting drunk, so I stepped-up because that's what mothers do.”

“I am his mother too, I didn't hear you both from outside. If you really wanted my help, you could've come over and ask.”

“I didn't want your help Ashlyn, you are not _helping_ me raise Wyatt because that would imply he's not your duty but mine and you just help around. I want you to be the mother you say you are and make Wyatt as much of your job as mine, because in case you didn't realize, he's _your brother's_ child,” Ali stormed, hugging Wyatt tight. “Unless you want me to be the only one who adopts him, that is, and believe me I'd do it, because he bloody deserves decent parents-”

“I _am_ a bloody good mother, I'm just struggl-!”

“Don't give me that!” Ali interrupted. “My mother's a decent, good, remarkable woman and grandmother. My mother, who saw her husband leave her with two young kids and worked her butt off to provide for us, even when she was struggling and hurting, and she never let us see anything but her strength, she became our rock even when she was miserable, and let us make her feel better. My mother worked her ass off for us, and then to be friends with my Dad and get us to love him despite it all, and now she's still being remarkable, and unlike you, she calls every day, she asks for you and for me, she remembers all that goes on with you and your appointments, and with mine, and Wyatt, she memorizes everything the paediatrician tells us, everything our son needs, and everything related my IUI, while you behave as if this all was unrelated to you! So don't you call yourself a good mother, when you neglect your family, because that's an offence and disrespect to all of us, including your own mother who busted her ass off for you. You suck as a mother, and quite honestly, lately you suck as a wife too, and every time you are so selfish as to hide behind your pain and use it as excuses to be neglectful, careless and lazy, you just fall lower and lower. This child lost EVERYTHING. And he deserves for you to buckle up and show up!”

Ashlyn stared at her in such profound shock that she almost dropped her drink. She couldn't believe what Ali had just said, and she was deeply hurt by her words. But far from regretting them, Ali, whose voice had sounded so angry and pained, and whose eyes were filled with tears, held Wyatt impossibly closer, glared at her, kissed the top of his head, and stormed off back into the office with the baby, locking the sliding wooden door after her. The former goalkeeper stood alone in the living room and let out a shaky breath,putting the glass down on the coffee table, and walking away dragging her feet, covering her mouth with one hand as her eyes filled with tears and her heart accelerated.

She took a deep breath and looked around. Ali thought the lowest of her, and seemingly didn't need her anymore. Ashlyn reflected that Ali could in fact with it all, as she was a warrior and a superhero Mum. The house was spotless because even though their cleaning service only came twice a week, Ali cleaned all through the week, Ali cooked most of the time, Ali changed the most nappies, and Ali went on with her jobs, and raised Wyatt with or without her.

Soon, Ashlyn was skateboarding far from the house, kicking the ground with anger every time she impulsed with it, containing her sobs, and letting the pain sink inside. She was worthless and useless, and she knew it. As much as she hated to admit it, Ali hadn't said a single lie. She was, overall, a poor excuse of a human being.

Her steps took her to a bridge over a lake, with a pavement walk by the road, so she walked around and at one point stood looking at the lake, with her arms over the railing. Ashlyn was surprised to find herself imagining she jumped over the railing. It would be so easy. She had once heard that at heights like this, the water was like a concrete surface against which she could become purée, and astonishingly, the thought didn't scare her. Ali would get a more than generous amount of money from her testament and insurance, more than enough to raise two children perfectly well, and without ever having to fight her again, or even discuss with her how to raise them. She'd be free to do whatever she wanted. And for Ashlyn, pain would be over. The idea of jumping suddenly was so liberating, that she had put both arms over the railing and was figuring how to throw her leg over it, without hesitation, before anyone could stop her.

Until she heard it. A car stalled and the one behind didn't stop fast enough, and crashed against it. The noise made Ashlyn turn around, forgetting her suicidal ideas, and as she saw the car that crashed against the other had stopped right after crashing, while the car that had stalled had been propelled forward, out of the road, and crashed with a tree. Now, dark smoke was coming out of it and people crowded at a distance, afraid of the explosion but unable to take their eyes off, while fear kept them from helping the occupants.

But Ashlyn didn't feel she had anything to lose. She ran on impulse, and as she smelled gasoline burning, and saw parts of the car start to light-up, she yanked the driver's door open and took out in her arms an unconscious young lady. Checking there were no occupants in the other seats, Ashlyn took the woman bride-style out of the car and ran away, finding refugee around the corner as the car exploded.

**. . .**

When Ashlyn arrived home hours later, it was dark and cold. She had spent a good part of the day testifying to the police, and now the young girl she had saved, only 24 years old, was home with a concussion, otherwise perfectly fine thanks to Ashlyn. She had told the police she had only had the license for a few months, her car stalled, and the car behind wasn't respecting the minimum distance, and thus had no time to stop and had collided. She had, between tears, thanked Ashlyn profusely as the EMTs attended her, and Ashlyn had felt like a hero.

A reality that was crashed as soon as she entered her house. It was entirely dark and deserted, not even Logan came to say hi, and as she turned the light on, she was surprised the crib wasn't in her bedroom, but there was a note on her bed, scribbled by Ali.

_'Dear Ashlyn,_

_When I look at you, I no longer recognize the woman I see. I see no trace of the woman I fell in love with a decade ago, the woman I've shared so many years of my life with, the woman I wanted a family with. I understand you're obviously struggling and need to focus on yourself, and that if you seem not to care at all about us is just because you need to be selfish, put yourself first and get your act together. And I guess that's the best you can do._

_But I cannot do this alone. I'm taking care of a baby that's almost 4 months old, our dog, and the child I'm trying to conceive, and that for it to exist, it needs me to care care of myself, be selfish, and put my kids and myself first, even if it means leaving you behind. I'm confident that when you're ready, you're come back to the family that still needs you. But until then, I need to get help and there are people out there willing to take care of your family for you._

_I've packed my and the kids' stuff, and we've gone to my Mum's house in Miami. She and Chris have insisted I seek their help and comfort, and I hope the time alone will help you focus on yourself and do what you need to do to get better. You can call any time to speak with Wyatt and Logan, and I'll call you when I know if I'm pregnant or not. Please call me whenever you feel ready to be a mother and a wife._

_Take care._

_Love,_

_Alex, Logan, and Wyatt._ ”

Ashlyn clenched her jaw, feeling instantly furious. On impulse and without stopping to think twice about it, she grabbed her phone and furiously texted Ali:

' _You fucking TRAITOR, I don't ever wanna hear from you ever again in my whole fucking life if it's not through lawyers. I assure you I'm going to get the best family lawyers in the world and get my children back, including Logan, so pray all you know that you're not pregnant, because if you are, as long as that baby comes I'll be right there fighting for the custody. I will NEVER forgive you. You've abandoned our home because you're just like your father, you've stolen my children, and I will do everything in my power to get them back, starting by Wyatt, who's my OWN FUCKING BLOOD, not yours! The minute things get rough, the minute your wife is STRUGGLING with depression and anxiety, because SHE HAS LOST EVERYTHING, you go and LEAVE? After all I've done for you! I would've never left you under a situation like this! I didn't even leave you when you were being a pussy about not being in the national team. And you call yourself a good wife? YOU'RE A SHIT WIFE. YOU ABANDON THINGS THE MINUTE THEY GET DIFFICULT, YOU LEAVE YOUR WIFE ALONE WHEN SHE NEEDS YOU THE MOST, YOU'RE FUCKING SELFISH, YOU VOWED TO ALWAYS BE THERE AND YET YOU LEAVE AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY, AND I'M HERE, ALONE, FIGHTING MY OWN DEMONS, TRYING NOT TO GO AND KILL MYSELF EVERY BLOODY DAY, WHILE YOU PASS FROM ME FOR YOUR WORK, JUDGE EVERYTHING I DO OR DON'T DO, ARE NEVER THERE FOR ME, I NEED YOU, AND YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT. Well, you got your wish. I want a divorce, and you'll be hearing from the police when I go and report you for child kidnapping. We'll see how the judge takes you leaving with a shit note while I'm out there saving a woman's life. Don't think things look good for you, Krieger. Oh, and don't ever say you love me again. This isn't love. And I will learn to “love” you this way too, with time._ '

Then, Ashlyn went and blocked every single contact in her phone that was either Ali, her family, or in any way related to her, even their common friends. She packed her things, got in her car, locked the house, and got in her car, so stressed and crying so hard that she forgot cars made her anxious. She didn't have to drive long, though. At the first hotel with inside parking she saw, she parked the car inside in the underground, and got herself a room. She wasn't going to let anyone find her for a while, and she was going to destroy Ali until she regretted everything she had done and then more. Ashlyn made sure to leave her wedding and engagement rings on the kitchen counter of her house, on top of Ali's letter.

Once she locked the door of her hotel room, Ashlyn crashed. She muffled her cries on a pillow and when she finally stopped crying, she still felt like everything inside of her was hollow and broken. Her mind had turned into an untrustworthy ball of dark thoughts, and so taking advantage of the darkness of the night, she put on a dark hoodie, sunglasses and boots, took two different Ubers, and made it to a Northern area where she knew from the Internet that she could get drugs easily. She craved weed like water in the desert. She used a neck gaiter to cover her face, and a beanie to cover her hair and make her hard to recognize in the almost absolute darkness, and without fear, exited the Uber and walked a few kilometres just wandering around until she saw some guys standing around a corner and the smell of weed. She approached them and held up 200 dollars, getting their attention right away.

“Looking for some material dude,” she said making her voice deeper.

“Got anything for that money,” said one of them, opening his jacket to reveal tons of bags of different things. “Meth, heroin, ecstasy, weed, coke... pick your devil.”

“I just want we...” Ashlyn had a sudden idea. She was too used to weed. Along with Adderall, it had been the only drug she had ever tasted, it no longer really had effect on her, and even if it did, it'd make her whole room stink of it. She needed something people wouldn't think anything of. “I need some opiate that I can take without anyone noticing. I've only done weed, but that stinks too much, you know? I need something not so obvious.”

The dealer shrugged.

“Got Oxy. Just pills, you take them, chew them, snort them, melt them and inject them... whatever you want. Won't leave the room smelly and they pass like meds.”

“Awesome,” Ashlyn nodded. “That'll be good, thanks. Give me as much as two hundred bucks can afford.”

Two hours later, Ashlyn was back in her hotel room with 250mg of OxyContin in a neat bag. To avoid causing suspicion, she had bought at a 24h pharmacy a medicines case of those elderly used to classify their medication by day, and she entertained herself putting the pills inside, saving the ones she was going to take right there, which she simply gulped after eating for dinner some take-out she had bought on her way there. At first, lying on her bed, she didn't feel anything. Then, she started feeling comfortable, relaxed, and slowly, euphoric. She was like in a cloud, and she started laughing at stupid things such as the shape of the ceiling tiles. She had brought her pocketknife with her, and when she went to take a bath, still living the high, she decided to try and see if with this drug it was true that you didn't feel anything.

  
  



	16. Un-love

**Chapter 16: Un-love.**

When Ashlyn woke up late in the morning, she had a pounding headache and had been dreaming consistently of Christopher, her brother, not her step-father in law. She looked at her inside wrists and saw the thin line between the end of her tattoos and her hand was covered in angry cuts with dry blood that now hurt and itched like a bitch, the whole skin reddened. She had really not felt anything and had gotten too excited, but now even rotating her wrists hurt like hell.

“How low have you fallen, uh Ash?” Ashlyn told herself with a raspy voice, sitting up. “This is crazy, this is not you. Your son is in the hands of some crazy bitch, you have to get him back, and you have to do it right now. You promised to Chris. You won't let that boy be raised by kidnappers away from his family, and when you get him back, you'll fight to get Logan too, eventually.”

A trip to the pharmacy was enough to get her wrists very nicely bandaged and cleaned, and so she put on her make-up, got dressed in a suit, and ordered room service breakfast, filling her tummy just right. She put on her bracelets and watch over the thick bandaging she had used to pad her wounds and protect them, and put on a nice shirt, long-sleeved, and a long-sleeved suit, and brushed her hair neatly. She was going to leave the past in the past and find herself and Wyatt a new life with those who deserved them. She still felt so angry at Ali, she had no intention of fixing anything. She was, after all, an emotional person with her heart proudly in her sleeve, that let herself be driven by emotion, shushing her brain more often than not, and her emotions right now were at the top of their game. So she calmly got rid of the drugs throwing them down the toilet after dissolving them in boiling water, and called their family lawyer.

“Good morning Ricky,” Ashlyn saluted cheerfully.

“Ashlyn! Ali was calling last night as well, what's going on?”

“We've separated.”

“Shit, what? Ash-,”

“Ricky, please save it, I'm tired,” Ashlyn said calmly. “I've been thinking and thinking all night and morning, and I want to know if I can get sole custody of Wyatt and Logan.”

“Same Ali wanted to know last night. Look, Logan was adopted joint by the both of you, so like the house, you'll have to go to court to decide on custody. With Wyatt, it's different. In Christopher and Anna's testament it is stated the custody is yours and by extent, if it is your decision, your wife's. They left it up to you, and you can regret it any time you want, I guess it was what their lawyer at the moment recommended, in case of split. But you guys are going to fix this, right?”

“I want a divorce,” Ashlyn said. “And I want to accuse Ali of kidnapping as well.”

“You can't do that. She didn't take him away to Germany, she left a note and told you where they were, leaving it open for you to come or call or anything you wanted, so it's not kidnapping, Ashlyn. No court would accept it. Do you really want a divorce? This isn't a decision to make on a whim...”

Ashlyn gulped a knot in her throat and clenched her throat.

“I don't want to remain married to someone who resents me for mourning a tragedy she can't possibly understand. I need a supportive partner, a teammate... and she said it herself. I'm not who she married, right? So if her first instinct is to run the second things get hard, Wyatt and I are better off without her. I owe it to Wyatt, and I owe it to his parents.”

“What about the new baby?”

“What new baby? Ali's probably not even pregnant. She can't know yet.”

“I know, but still, what if in two months you hear she is?”

“Do I have any rights over that baby if I divorce now?”

“Well... not really. The baby's not biologically yours, if Ali fights to get sole custody chances are she wins it.”

“Fine,” Ashlyn snorted. “Good thing I didn't grow close with it yet. She can keep her baby, I'll keep mine. And I'll battle for Logan too.”

“Ashlyn, I know you're very angry, believe me. Ali called me last night crying like crazy, deeply altered, told me everything, she really wants to fix things, she didn't mean any of this Ashlyn, she said she thought she did what you wanted her to do.”

“Kidnap my child? Because I'd want that?”

“She took the kid on holiday with his Nana-,”

“Deb is not his grandmother! He has an Argentinian one in Buenos Aires, and a dead one, that's what he has.”

“Ashlyn, do you really want Logan and Wyatt to pay this whole thing? Because they're the ones who will suffer the most if you don't fix this. You made some vows, didn't you? If she failed, don't you want to be the bigger person, the better person? She loves you, Ash. You guys just need better communication, talk things out, tell each other how you feel like you always have...”

“Tell Ali I want a divorce, effect as immediately as you can make it happen. And tell her I'm coming to get my son and if she does anything to stop me, I will sue her for anything I can sue her, and I will never let her see him again. If she's nice, I'll let her see him every weekend she wants. I'm willing to be nice, see?” Ashlyn said firmly. “I've decided we're going to spend Thanksgiving in Buenos Aires, putting my boy first and getting him to spend some quality time with his extended family, that I want to know better. Oh, and how fast can I get my maiden name back?”

There was a long car ride between Altamonte Springs and Miami, but for some reason, Ashlyn didn't need to stop due to anxiety attacks. She took her anxiety medication religiously, her antidepressants, and stayed away from alcohol for the day, as the night before she had ended up consuming a whole bottle of Whiskey. Her car was full of her belongings, and she would get Wyatt's from Miami. Her mind was surprisingly clear now, with the simple goal of getting Wyatt _for Christopher and Anna_. Her marriage, or lack of it, came second now, or less.

When she arrived at Deb and Christopher's house, she wasn't as nervous as maybe she should be. She walked calmly to the door and pressed the doorbell. To her surprise, Kyle opened, looking very unfriendly and blocking her path with his body.

“You cannot take him,” he said simply.

“Hello to you too, Kyle,” Ashlyn said. She didn't want anger with the entire family, so she did her best to stay polite. “Look, Kyle, I'm just taking what's mine, okay? Wyatt is a Harris. He's my brother's son and it was his wish that I would take care of him, and regardless of the shit your sister says, you know I love him more than life itself, and I'd do anything, anything in the world for him. Including leaving your sister. So please, don't make me call the police because you know as well as I do that legally, Ali doesn't have rights over his custody unless I want her to. And I don't.”

Kyle's eyes filled with tears and he pushed her angrily.

“How can you do this?! To your family, that loved you, that was with you through it all...?!”

“Was it?!” Ashlyn roared, snapping. “Was it?! Because yesterday when I went to kill myself, where was Ali, Kyle? I disappeared for hours and she didn't even call me. Not once.”

“That's not...”

“True? Why don't you ask her?” Kyle frowned, caught by surprise. “And you know this isn't the first time she runs away. Germany, every single time we had issues, and the stupid me following her across the world to fix them. I'm tired of running after her to fix things, Kyle. Yesterday your sister got to tell me I was a shit mother and a shit wife, did she tell you that, uh? In front of Wyatt, she screamed at me. And that's not what I want Wyatt to live with.”

“Kyle,” Ken made a surprise appearance in the hall. “Let her come in. Hi, Ashlyn.”

“Hi,” Kyle reluctantly moved away, and Ashlyn followed Ali and Kyle's Dad into the living room. Logan ran to Ashlyn and she happily hugged her hairy daughter. “Hello my love, I missed you! Did you miss me? Oh, you did!” Ashlyn chuckled getting her face licked. “I promise you, soon, you'll see me more often again. Well hello. I see you've already gotten everyone against me.” She added standing up and seeing who were in the living room.

Ali had seemingly called the army. She sat on the sofa hugging Wyatt close, crying silently and slowly, and Whitney, Heather, Tobin, Megan, Christen, Kelley, Alex and Abby sat near her, while her mother kept an arm around her shoulders and Christopher, Debbie's second husband, stood nearby.

“No,” Whitney said calmly, standing up, “she called me looking for second legal opinions, and in the end, when no one could locate you, news just went through friends... and those of us who could come, came as fast as possible. But no one's judging, we just want to help you both. Why did you block our numbers?”

“I turned my phone off,” Ashlyn lied. To her surprise, Whitney hugged her, and she hugged her old best friend back, and then Heather and the rest. It was by then five in the afternoon, so it wasn't so odd they had time to get there.

“Come here, you're still my second daughter for all I care,” Debbie surprisingly hugged her too, and Ashlyn smiled weakly at her.

“Well, it's late, let's get this over with, shall we? Ali, give Wyatt to me. I promise I'll let you come and visit when we're back in the States, okay?”

“So it's true. Ricky said you were going to Argentina,” Ali sniffled. “Can I... come?”

“No,” Ashlyn took Wyatt as Ali reluctantly passed him, and hugged him, kissing him tenderly before putting him in his car chair. Ali had put all his things neatly organized in a corner. “I'll call you in December. And Ali, I think it's more convenient for you if we avoid trials, because I'm threatening now, if you make this more complicated than it has to be, I will crush you. I can be incredibly nasty, and I don't want to. If we handle the divorce peacefully, we can sign a deal and you can get weekends, I promise. Right Wyatt? You'll get weekends playtime with Auntie Ali,” Ashlyn smiled at the sleeping boy, kissing him again, only to look coldly at Ali, who stood there as if she was about to faint.

“Ashlyn, can we please sit down and talk things calmly?” Ali asked softly. “Please. I'll buy you another flight if you lose it, I'll pay you even the flight you lose. But please. We're... this is our family we're talking about. Ten years.”

“So now you care?”

“She always cared,” Kyle grumbled.

“Did she?” Ashlyn smiled coldly. “Because yesterday, when I went to talk things out before the problems exploded, she was busy planning a football camp. Weren't you, Ali? You didn't care much about ten years then.”

“I obviously made a big mistake and now I'm paying it,” Ali admitted. “Ashlyn, I'm so sorry, okay? I want to do things right, I want to... just one chance, is all I'm asking for.”

“2011. You said it was too risky for us to date, you said you had to focus on the World Cup, you had no time for us. And you left to Germany. Right after my grandfather died and you didn't even text me,” Ashlyn reminded her. “When you were runners-up, I called you and I consoled you, despite everything. You didn't even remember to ask how we were doing. Six months later, you got the ACL MCL, and I'm so bloody stupid I flew to you in Canada, and then to DC, and wherever it was needed to be with you. And then we got back together because you wanted it. But I was the one expected to run after you to Germany time after bloody time, even when you broke my heart. Perhaps that should've been my clue to go, because a few years ago, when the National Team didn't want you even to mop the floor, I was there. Even when you were yelling, and being angry and bitchy and throwing blames on me. I wanted you, when no one did, I wanted you even when you denied us in public, even when you insinuated you weren't ready for serious things, even when you were such a terrible human being because you were in your own pain to give a shit about us. I bought you a pretty ring, and I proposed like I was expected to do because you couldn't get down to it, could you? Too princess.”

“Ashlyn, I-,”

“No, let me finish because I'm going to fucking explode here,” Ashlyn said calmly, interrupting her. “You know why I took three years to propose? Because I was afraid you'd run to Germany like you always do, because your national career was non-existent and I was sure you wouldn't hesitate to leave us behind for you and your career. When I proposed, is because I realized you weren't running, and I thought you had grown-up and you were ready to stay with me and our little family. And I was right there every step of those years it took you to come back, getting up early with you so you could try to score me whole days and everything you wanted. And then, the one time my life comes crashing...” Ashlyn shook her head, feeling her eyes fill with tears. “I need you, Ali,” she said hoarsely. “I love you so bad it hurts, and I need you more than in any other time. And because I've lived in my own flesh what pain does to families, I went and got my therapy, my meds that I hate, and everything that was needed to make sure I stayed healthy for our family, and all I asked in return was love and patience. And you say you love me, but this isn't love. Weeks judging everything I do, criticizing, now running... and even though you knew I fight depression off every single day, even though you knew I was this close to killing myself, yesterday you went and said all the bullshit you said, fully knowing what it could do to me when I'm so bad I need fucking antidepressants to get up from bed. But you didn't care because you don't love me. You love the Ashlyn that's all fun and games, the beach girl, the creative, thriving athlete, the one who fights for you and flights to Europe for you! And you don't want the Ashlyn that, as you put it, you don't recognize anymore. Well guess what, I don't recognize myself either. Difference is I don't have parents or a brother to stand up for me and be there for me. I had you. You were my family. And Wyatt is my only direct relative left, so excuse me, but I just want to get him and go, and get to meet his family and hope they like me, and then go to Satellite and spend some time with the only family I have left, and you can sit and judge me all you want because you know what? You're used to your princess life where the hardest thing you ever went through was a divorce, and health and professional struggle, and when it comes to the truth you run because you have no fucking idea what actual hell feels like. Hell is seeing your parents starve to feed you through your entire childhood, hell is living a divorce mixed with drugs and alcoholism, hell is losing the people you love the most in one sitting. Imagine losing Kyle, and then multiply it by a hundred and then maybe you'll understand why I'm not dancing around and being smiley anymore. But I'm still here because I swore to my brother I would do anything for Wyatt and that's exactly what I'm going to do, even if that includes leaving you, finally, as I should've done a long time ago. People were right. I don't go with princesses. And now you get to confront me with your whole fam to have your back, but I can't. It's just me. But even though that's not good enough for you, it is all Wyatt needs.”

They stood there looking at each other full of pain. And then Ali sobbed.

“I promise I can do b-!”

“I don't believe your promises anymore,” Ashlyn shrugged, rubbing her eyes. “Gee, if you take them as seriously as your vows...”

“I'll tell you what the alternative is, Ash, because I don't think you're entirely conscious of it,” Abby said softly. “You'll divorce. You'll be alone, hurting, coping with losing your family and Ali and trying not to be suicidal. Wyatt will grow up with a version of you that's just a shadow of who you are, because you'll feel so lonely you won't be able to put on a happy face for him for long. And if you go back into dating, you'll always be stressed over how Wyatt gets along with them. And you'll lose the love of your life forever.”

“Ali's not...”

“Bullshit,” Heather half-smiled at her. “Ash, you think marriage is easy? Because it's not. Ali's the love of your life just like Dave is mine, but that doesn't mean relationships are easy, your grandparents can tell you that. I used to fight with Dave all the time because of soccer, and I'd accuse him and say he didn't get it, and demand for him to follow me around... most of us in the team have, because our husbands or wives weren't pro players. Christie divorced, Abby had a divorce... and those of us who didn't, had to learn to make sacrifices and be lucky to be forgiven a hundred billion times.”

“I don't need to be forgiven.”

“We agree. But you need to forgive just this once more,” Heather said pleadingly. “When Christopher gave you Wyatt, he thought he was giving his child to his lovely sister who was happily married and who would have support to raise him, and he knew how much you both wanted a family. He thought your parents would still be alive and help you. I think if he had known things would be as they are now, he would've made it a condition for Ali to be there in order for you to get Wyatt, because let's face it, you were the girl who jumped fences carelessly for a party! Ali's the girl who travelled to Germany not knowing two words of German and made herself a life. She made you become an adult, and you made her be conscious of issues she wasn't that connected to and be more communicative. You're good for each other, you're just letting bullshit take the best of you, because otherwise, you're going to give that boy almost the same childhood you had.”

“Don't you fucking get it, all of you?” Ashlyn claimed frustrated at last. “I don't want an apologize, I don't need one. I just don't have the energy to try and make people comprehend things that... what I'm living is out of your reality! And you either stay and be supportive or judge me, and I can't stand more judgement right now. Yes, I neglected my family a little and sorry it sounds like I excuse myself on being ill,” she added turning back towards Ali. “And I let you take care of Wyatt, and I got less involved, and I took for granted that you'd understand! I thought I didn't need to explain going through so much was too exhausting to do much home, or that becoming obsessed about my Dad's stuff was a way to feel connected with him and to distract my messy mind, or that I just assumed my partner, my teammate, didn't need an explanation to take care of our son even when I wasn't there much, because she'd understand I was working on being my best self for them! I forgot that expecting you to simply know wasn't going to work because my reality is unimaginable for you, but I can't spend my life building explanations for you, Ali. And I don't want to see the woman I love spend her life unhappy because I'm not who she married. I will never be who I once was. I understand that's not the product you married, so have an out. Go spend your life with someone less complicated, less dark, someone you can dance your way through life with. And maybe one day we'll be friends.”

Ashlyn turned around to grab Wyatt's stuff, taking his chair with him in it from the handle in one hand and throwing his bag over her shoulder.

“Ash-,”

“Don't make things harder, please. You can keep the house in Altamonte Springs, I'll go back to Satellite. Keep Logan if you want until we reach an agreement. I'll pass by next month or so.”

The goalkeeper walked tiredly towards the door, and Ali ran after her, blocking the door.

“Ashlyn Michelle Krieger-Harris listen to me!” she shouted impatiently, not letting her open the door. “You don't get to go without hearing what I've got to say.” Ali added feisty, and Ashlyn raised her eyebrows, surprised.

“Fine, say it.”

“I am in love with you,” Ali stated firmly, her eyes full of tears and her voice broken. “I've been a royal dickhead and I'm sorry, but you can't focus just in everything that's bad. Because I can't do anything about those things anymore but I know that you always say cuddle time with me is the highlight of the day. I never even liked hugs, but with you I do. I know how to make the pizza the way you like it most, I'm the only one who makes fish almost as finely as they do in the Space Coast, I've told you how much I love you in more languages than you know, I give you the most headaches and the most happiness, I make every single bad day worth it, I stayed with you in Satellite through hell because I love you, even if I failed to understand these past few weeks. But I stayed. And as much as you say I left yesterday, I didn't leave, because that was never my idea. I just thought you needed air, and I was willing to give it to you because I love you. And if you leave, and if you take Wyatt... then you take a piece of me too, because I love Wyatt. And it doesn't matter how much you tell him I'm just his auntie, I'll always be his Mama, because that's the way I love him, and you cannot change that. It doesn't matter we're not related, you know? I'll convince the jury. He's my son. I've woken up don't know the times for him, I can always get some sort of smile from him with my silly things, he stops crying if I hold him, and I still kiss him and tell him I love him even when he stinks because of his poo messes.” Ali rubbed her nose angrily to get it to stop flowing, and took a deep breath to calm the tears. “Leave. But expect me to bust my ass off to get my family back because you've never seen me quit, and now's not going to be the time. I promised to Chris and Anna something too, you know?”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I said I'd take care of their family. And I will. It doesn't matter if you're legally my wife or not, you'll always be my love, and that kid will always be my son, and I'll always be in your lives, no matter what you do to stop me.”

  
  



	17. Walking the tightrope with you

**Chapter 17: Walking the tightrope with you.**

Thanksgiving was different when surrounded by Argentinians, but it had one thing in common: family. Anna's relatives received Ashlyn's surprise visit with open arms, and welcomed her into their family, their culture, their language and their homes. Within a couple days, Ashlyn felt better than in days, and she got to have long conversations with Anna's parents and siblings, who understood her pain a little. She saw Wyatt fraternize with his Hispanic family, she got to know Buenos Aires and surrounding areas, the beach, and received more family meals than she could count. And on Thanksgiving, she had one simple message in her pretty much abandoned social media, a photo of her parents, brother, pregnant Anna and herself happily smiling at Christopher's last birthday.

' _Thankful, today more than ever, to have had the best parents in the world, who raised me to be strong and taught me to be good,to have had a sister for a brief but wonderful time, and to have been the little sister to my hero. But above all, thankful for my little angel Wyatt, the light in the end of the tunnel guiding me to be my best self, to be a mother, and to reach a better life for us. I'm going to spend my life trying to show you just how lucky we are to have the DNA of such incredible people, and trying to make you as much of an incredible man as your Daddy and Grandpa were._ '

Initially, Ashlyn planned to return to Florida to spend Christmas with her hurting family, as her therapist in their Skype sessions recommended, but when December came, Anna's parents invited her for the festivities, and she found herself agreeing. And truth was, she was loving Argentina. She was quickly learning bits of Argentinian Spanish because she wanted to be able to teach Wyatt a little so that when he saw his abuelos, he was able to say a couple sentences like hola, or te quiero. Away from the drama for once, away from her hurting family, her crumbling marriage and everything she knew, she found some freedom, and realized spending time alone with Wyatt, or with him and his family, she started to find her own strength and power within herself.

So Christmas and New Year's passed and she was happy and content in Argentina. And for Wyatt's five month mark, and since the offseason was nearing its end, Ashlyn decided the both of them ought to go on holiday just them, and they flew to Perú, that Ashlyn had always wanted to see. There, she got Wyatt on his first surfing experience, sitting him on a surf table with her and 'surfing' the waves as they crashed with the sand at the beach. She got someone to take a photograph, and she posted it in her IG account, showing herself grinning big with her arms around Wyatt as she sat on the sand where the water only covered up to her chest, if she was sitting. She was holding Wyatt from behind in the surf table where she kept him sitting, and he was partially turning and smiling at Ashlyn, his first real smile, making her grin as she looked lovingly at him. Her hands were visible and ringless as she held him.

' _The man of my life got his first real smiles in Perú! The fact that he was also surfing for the first time it's just coincidence #WeHarris I thought I had it all, and then you came around and I saw my life was finally complete..._ '

She had stopped following Ali on her social accounts, so it took her a while to realize fans suspected they had separated, as no wedding anniversary posts came save from one Ali put of their hands intertwined after their wedding, along with a mysterious message saying:

' _You will always be my only true love._ '

But in January, as Ashlyn spent some days in Perú with Wyatt, her lawyer advised her to unblock Ali so they could actually talk about divorce agreements if she wasn't coming back to Florida yet. Ashlyn grumbled her way through, but did so, and after a few days, she received a call from Ali.

“Hi,” Ali saluted.

“Hi,” Ashlyn replied from her position on her hotel bed, with Wyatt passed out next to her.

“How's Wyatt?”

“He's loving this. Smiles every day. He's absolutely perfect.”

“I'm so glad,” she could hear Ali smile. “How are you?”

Ashlyn sighed, looking at the ceiling, and rolled eyes to herself.

“Better. Anna's family treated us like one of their own. We would've stayed longer, but I figured the flight was a bit too much on us, and perhaps it was better to fly somewhere in the middle first.”

“Yeah, that's smart. Listen, Ash... I'm pregnant.”

The former goalkeeper sucked in air and closed her eyes for a second.

“Congratulations,” she finally said, unenthusiastically. “I hope your family helps you raise it.”

Her words stung Ali, but she had half expected them.

“I'll always consider you their Mommy, you know?”

“I won't,” said Ashlyn. “But I wish you both the best.”

“I'm not sure I can sign the divorce agreement, Ash...” Ali let a sob out. “I miss you both so much...”

“Well figure it out, 'cause I'm not staying married. I'm not Krieger,” and just like that, Ashlyn hung up. She cried afterwards, but didn't call again or text. And neither did Ali.

Contact stopped then for a whole week. Ashlyn was back in Florida, staying in her mother's house, and training to be back into soccer, deciding she needed to be back in the game. She was just having dinner with her grandparents one night when she received a call from an unknown number.

“Ashlyn Harris,” she said attending the call. “Who's this?”

“Hi, it's Doctor Fowler,” Ali's OB/GYN. Ashlyn frowned. “Listen, are you in Orlando?”

“No, why?”

“I need you to come straight away. Ali had an ectopic pregnancy and her left Fallopian tube has ruptured, Ashlyn.” Ashlyn frowned deeper.

“Listen, doctor, I don't think you've been properly informed. We're divorcing. You ought to call her family.”

“They're here, but they told me to call you. Look, your personal issues are not my business, I know, but the woman you were with for a decade is about to enter the OR with a heavy internal bleeding and potentially life-threatening issues, you are still her next of kin, what kind of person you want to be?”

Ashlyn scowled, getting worried. She didn't really know what an ectopic pregnancy was.

“I'll be right there,” Ashlyn stood up from the table and checked Wyatt was with his grandmother. “I'm sorry, Wyatt and I need to go. Ali had an ectopic pregnancy, from the IUI... I guess I should go.”

“Damn right you should,” Grandma Eunice hugged her tight. “If you love her Ash, fight for her sweetie. She may be complicated, but if you think you'll find someone less complicated and more worth the effort out there, someone who understands you and isn't afraid of your darkness... you're very wrong, sweetie.”

“But Nana, I don't think she loves me,” Ashlyn said sadly. “She's judging and...”

“Did she judge you when you shaved your hair? When you decided to go for bigger eyebrows? When you started wearing suits? When you started dressing odd for the times?” Ashlyn shook her head. “Did she judge you when you were fourth goalkeeper?” she shook her head again.

“She always said I was the best keeper in the world, even when Hope was there, and she always said I was the most beautiful woman in the world, no matter which style I picked.”

“And she held your hand and brought you into her world loud and proud,” Grandma Eunice reminded her, her warm blue eyes finding her dark ones. “All you think she's doing these days... maybe she's just hurting too. And maybe she just needs to talk with you. Think about it, Ash. If she died from ectopic pregnancy... how would you feel?”

Ashlyn frowned and felt a knot in her throat.

“I have to go. And I have to take Wyatt with me.”

When she had left for South America, Ashlyn had left her car full of its stuff in a special private garage in Miami, so when she came back, she had driven to Satellite Beach with her car. She hadn't stopped talking with her therapist and taking her meds, so she was feeling better and better in front of the wheel, and needed very little time to pack, prepare Wyatt, and get back on the road. She stopped in the red lights to unblock the people she had been blocking in her phone, and then she called Kyle on speaker.

“Kyle, are you with Alex?” Ashlyn asked straight away, sounding anxious.

“No, she's in the OR. We're waiting outside.”

“I'll be right there, okay? Right there.” Ashlyn hung up and anxiously accelerated towards Orlando. “Siri! What's an ectopic pregnancy?!”

According to her phone, an ectopic pregnancy was a pregnancy that had developed in the Fallopian tube instead of the uterus, and that as it grew, it had, in Ali's case, ruptured the tube. This could cause death by bleeding out, infection, and the possibly lose of the Fallopian tube altogether. Ashlyn only felt more anxious and drove through every short-cut that she knew.

“Mama needs us, Wyatt. She needs your new awesome smile, okay?”

It took her almost two hours to arrive at the hospital, and when she did, Ashlyn made a point on, holding Wyatt against her hip in one arm and hanging the baby bag over her shoulder, grab flowers from a store in her free hand before rushing to the front desk to ask the update.

“Alexandra Krieger-Harris,” Ashlyn said slowly, spelling it out. “She's my wife.”

“Surgery is over,” the nurse at the front desk said. “Everything went well. She's recovering in room 502.”

“Thank you.”

She rushed into the lift and appeared at the room fast like a lighting, entering without knocking on the door. Ali looked pale and tired, and looked at her in disbelief from her bed. Kyle and Deb stood by her side, along with their friend Sydney, who had a miscarriage too in the past, although one that didn't require for her to go to the hospital.

“Hi,” Ashlyn saluted, her arms full between flowers and baby, and Sydney rolled eyes with a chuckle and took the flowers and bag from her so she could approach Ali. “Can you hold Wyatt? 'Cause I think he needs some Mama time.”

Ali almost cried right there, as emotional as she was. She was a little sit up, so she took Wyatt in her arms and hugged him close, kissing him repeatedly.

“Oh my sweet boy, how I missed you!” Ali sobbed out, holding him. “You've grown so big!”

“He rolled over once, the other day,” Ashlyn commented. “We were in the beach and he ate all the sand. I got videos to show you.” Ashlyn climbed on the side of the bed and put her arms around her wife and son, kissing the top of her head. “Did they say when can I take you home?”

“Home?” Ali chocked-out,sniffling.

“Yeah, of course,” Ashlyn delicately rubbed the tears off her cheeks. “We'll go home and Wyatt and I will treat you like a princess so you feel better soon, and we'll do your pedis, and manis, cook for you... anything you want. And if you want... we can burn the divorce agreement in the chimney.”

“Oh my God!” Ali started crying heavily and Ashlyn simply wrapped them both in a tight hug and let the feeling of her family in her arms comfort her, knowing things would be okay eventually.

  
  



	18. Hard conversations and sweet love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the end! Thanks for sticking with me for the ride. Remember to always... choose love.

**Chapter 18:Hard conversations and sweet love.**

The Kriegers trusted Ali into Ashlyn's care just once they were reassured that the divorce was forgotten, and so 36h post surgery, Ashlyn drove Ali to their home in Altamonte Springs, being received by an enthusiastic Logan. Ali would need a couple weeks to recover from the surgery, so, as she was so tired, she went to bed and cuddled with Wyatt. Ashlyn calmed Logan down, unpacked everything, and prepared hot herbal infusions for both mothers before walking over to her bedroom, where Ali snuggled on her side, smiling small as she caressed Wyatt's belly and saw him making guttural noises and kicking his legs while smiling at Ali every now and then for their amusement.

“Thank you,” Ali said as she sat up in bed against many pillows to accept Ashlyn's mug.

The short haired woman sat at the feet of the bed drinking her tea and contemplating if the room had changed at all. It did, in fact, have some differences, as her wedding and engagement rings were no on her bedside table, since she didn't feel ready to wear them again, although she had told their lawyer to suspend divorce paperwork. There was a box of tissues on Ali's beside table that used to not be there, and Logan's bed was in a corner, but Ashlyn didn't comment. Ali had done what she had needed to feel comfortable home.

“I should bring him to his crib,” Ashlyn murmured after a while, seeing Wyatt's eyes closing.

“Just five minutes more...”

“You can get many years more, let's just give him a break,” Ashlyn smiled small at Ali and after she kissed him goodnight, Ashlyn did the same and put him in the nursery, bringing the baby monitor into the bedroom. She sat up against many pillows just like Ali and watched as she shyly sipped from her herbal tea, that Ashlyn had already finished.

“How long are you and Wyatt staying?” Ali asked timidly, looking down.

“As long as you want us here.” The former defender looked surprised at her, and sipped from her tea.

“Forever?” Ashlyn side smiled.

“Forever sounds nice,” Ali held onto her arm and kissed her cheek.

“I wish it wouldn't have taken us a miscarriage to get back together...”

“Alex, it's not so simple and easy,” said Ashlyn, looking down. “Our marriage broke. I spent a month away, and I had time to think things very thoroughly, and I don't regret anything I did or say. You still broke my heart, and I'm not going to suddenly say it's okay, forget it and act as if nothing happened. I'm here because I know in my heart I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't fight my ass off for us to be together. And if that makes me pathetic, if I'm the only one truly in love here, if I spend my life just choosing to lie to myself and say you do love me because I do love you, then fine. If you're not my soulmate, I don't want one anymore.”

Ali frowned and turned to look at her tiredly.

“Ashlyn, how can you possibly believe I'm not in love with you?” Ali murmured. “Ever since we've lived together and gotten serious, when haven't I been there? I even chose to stay instead of going back to Germany when the nationals didn't want me anymore. I chose you, and Logan, us... and I'd do it all over again. I just made one mistake of not knowing how to deal with... you being so depressed and... it just felt like too many things at once and I couldn't catch up, I didn't know what to do, I just got overwhelmed, but I never, ever, even thought about leaving you, Ashlyn. To me, leaving our family is unthinkable, and you should know. I love you. More than...” Ali sighed. “Anything. And you've got no idea how hard it's been to be here alone, craving you every single second, Ash. Anything else you might think... that's just your demons speaking.”

They stared at each other long, each thinking of what they other might be thinking, each craving the other more than ever but afraid the other didn't feel the same. For one moment it was like the nervousness before the first kiss, but then they just got comfortable staring at each other, and it didn't feel awkward at all. Then Ali reached a hand to hold hers, and Ashlyn didn't pull away, not even when Ali leaned on her shoulder and intertwined their fingers. But then, Ali's thumb brushed the inside of her wrist and felt the bumps of the numerous horizontal scars, which made her frown slightly and look down to see what she was feeling. Ashlyn watched silently as Ali took both her hands with her palms up and used her thumbs to caress the scarred wrists, now healed, but the colour and slight bump of every line gave them away as scars.

“What happened?” Ali asked softly, looking up at her with a saddened expression.

Ashlyn took a deep breath and nodded.

“When we fought, your words made me feel worthless, and like I had failed at the things I cared for the most. I thought there was no reason for me to keep going, so I took the skateboard and I went to a bridge that crosses over a lake. I almost jumped,” Ashlyn confessed, her voice soft and low, while Ali listened closely, “but then there was a car accident right there. A girl in her early twenties was trapped in a smoking car that had crashed and no one had the guts to take her out, because they thought it would explode. I had nothing to lose, and I had read so much of Dad's notes... I just went in, and took her out of the car right before it exploded. She went home the same day, she just had a concussion and had passed-out. And for the first time... I didn't feel so worthless anymore. I felt euphoric. I felt useful. I had to spend countless hours with police telling them what had happened, but on my way home I was thinking how if I could do that I could do anything and I was going to show you how wrong you were, I was going to prove myself to you...” Ashlyn shrugged, looking away. “But you were gone. I read the note, and I exploded. I figured if my own family didn't want me then maybe I was too late. Maybe I was just supposed to do one good thing before I went... and maybe the world was better off without me. So I went to a hotel room and I got freaking drunk. And I went and threw my money away buying a bunch of OxyContin, which is-.”

“I know,” Ashlyn looked surprised and Ali half smiled sadly. “Did date a doctor, and besides, Grey's Anatomy...” Ashlyn snorted a laugh.

“Of course. So I got high and then decided to cut myself and see if it was true that you don't feel anything with it. Surprise, it's actually true. But when I woke up in the morning I realized I had done a tremendous mistake. I got rid of the drugs and the alcohol, I focused my anger on you, and I thought long of Chris... and how... we never had a perfect childhood or perfect parents, but it was perfect in a way. I realized he never asked me to be Wyatt's guardian thinking I'd be flawless, he did it knowing if I had to take care of him, I had lost my brother and sister, so he'd expect for me to sulk, and suck, and not always be perfect... but he also knew I'd get my act together for him. Chris knew me better than anyone else. And he knew Wyatt and I would need each other. He knew that his son would be all my reasons to try, and I'd be all Wyatt would need. With my mistakes, yeah... but also with everything else that Chris loved of me. He didn't care if his son grew up with a single mother or if we did this together... he always knew Wyatt would be okay and well taken-care of, no matter what, between all our family, friends, you... that's why he never put you expressively in the testament, he didn't think it was necessary. He put me, to make sure I had him, for me, not for him. Because he wasn't sure I'd be okay, but knew that if I had that baby, I'd have no other option but to be okay. Funny, isn't it? And it took me months to realize.”

“He was always very wise,” Ali nodded. “It makes more sense now.”

“Yeah, so I decided I'd stay true to my word and remain with Wyatt no matter what. But I blamed you for the pain, I felt betrayed and unloved... and so I decided I didn't need you. Haven't hurt myself again. Had a fucking blast in Argentina, then Perú... and it really felt like Wyatt and I got to become a team. We had each other so... that's all I cared about.”

Ali brought her wrists to her mouth, kissing her scars softly.

“I'm so sorry. If I could go back...”

“You can't,” Ashlyn shrugged. “Come on, lie down and stop apologizing. You need to rest.”

“Will you stay?” Ali asked unsure.

“Of course. But you have to rest or else I'm leaving, uh?”

They snuggled, Ali felt more comfortable on her back, so Ashlyn rolled and put a hand protectively over her surgical wound over her clothes. Ali turned her head to face Ashlyn and kept a hand over hers.

“I love you,” Ali whispered. “I'll say it time and time again until you believe it.”

“Right now all I care about is making sure you're okay again.”

“I wasn't,” Ali whispered. “It hurt like being stabbed. It was the worst pain I've ever felt, like... I thought it was going to kill me.”

“Drama Queen,” Ashlyn said jokingly, kissing her forehead softly.

“Yeah,” Ali half smiled. “But when I did so... I just kept telling Kyle over and over to tell you I love you. I told him to never let you go one day without knowing I loved you.”

Ashlyn closed her eyes, feeling a small punch in the gut, and nuzzled into her neck.

“I'm sorry you lost the baby.”

“Me too. But we'll try again. And they didn't suffer.”

Hours passed before Ashlyn woke-up to the sound of a whimpering baby, and she quickly went to check on Wyatt. Once he was settled down again, she walked back to Ali, and gently shook her away.

“I'm tired,” Ali whispered, her eyes remaining closed.

“I know, but you have to eat a little bit. I'll make you some chicken soup?” Ali nodded sleepy and Ashlyn went to cook, stopping to pet Logan, who had missed her,e very now and then.

Once food was ready, she put it on a tray and walked over to Ali, gently waking her up again and helping her sit up. Ali groaned pressing a hand against her wound, and Ashlyn tried to make her more comfortable with extra pillows, feeding her in the mouth.

“Sucks,” Ali whispered, touching her belly. “Just when I thought we'd be bigger family soon...”

“We'll have time to fix our marriage first at least. And then we'll have five children and a French bulldog.” Ali sniggered.

“How am I going to give birth to four more children?”

“We can always adopt,” Ashlyn shrugged, putting the tray aside once Ali had eaten, and bringing her to snuggle in her arms with a blanket, sitting her sideways on her lap and wrapping her arms around her. “Does it hurt much?”

“Comes and goes. I'm better off now that you're here. I was so scared...”

“I'm sorry. I wish I had been with you from the start,” Ashlyn caressed her face softly.

“I'm glad you didn't kill yourself, Ash...” Ali looked up at her, smiling small in her tiredness. “I can't imagine the world without you. Hell, these months without you were already terrible.”

“It was only bit over a month.”

“Felt like years. And that way you felt when you saved that girl, the way you saw yourself... that's how I see you every day, Ash. I'm not surprised, because you've always been heroic, selfless, and powerful. You just forget sometimes.” Ashlyn smiled warmly at her.

To her surprise, Ali suddenly knelt on the bed, groaning in pain.

“Hey, what's wrong?”

“I need to get...” Ali leaned over her and grabbed Ashlyn's engagement ring from the bedside table, flopping back on her ass and smiling at Ashlyn.

“What are you doing?”

“Something I should've done a long time ago,” Ali carefully got on one knee on the bed, trying not to cause herself too much pain.

“Ali, you crazy... lie down, you're going to pull the stitches, I'm serious...”

“Ashlyn Michelle Harris,” Ali smiled, ignoring her and showing the ring in one hand, grabbing hers with the other. Ashlyn contemplated her, surprised. “You deserve someone who kneels. So on my knees, I want to tell you how much I love you. I want to vow to spend my whole life just trying to prove how hard I mean it. And I want to be the wife you deserve and keep trying every day to be worthy of you. So... teammates for life?”

Ashlyn grinned big, feeling herself getting emotional.

“Teammates for life,” she let Ali put the ring back in place, and then her wedding band, and kissed Ali with devotion, because if she was a surfer, Ali was her oxygen outside the waves, and her surfboard making sure she would never sink for too long. Ali grinned against her lips and kissed her harder, and harder, and harder.

**. . .**

**EPILOGUE 9 YEARS LATER**

**. . .**

“Wyatt Michael Krieger-Harris, not so fast you naughty!” Wyatt laughed as Ali caught him from behind and spun him around, even though he was already ten, tall, fit, and with a short mane of dark wavy hair, but his mother was still strong despite her age. Being a Pro Coach would do that to one.

“Mama, I want those!” Wyatt grinned pointing at a huge bouquet of colourful flowers at the shop near the cemetery in Satellite Beach.

“We'll get three then, shall we?” Ali beamed at him, kissing his cheek as she kept an arm around him.

Ashlyn was with them shortly after, with their eight-year-old daughter Valerie Debra walking in front leading the way as she rushed to hug her eldest brother from behind, her dark African skin contrasting with Wyatt's sun-kissed skin. Ashlyn's both hands were busy holding the hand of each of their six-year-old twins, son Matthew Christopher, with Ali's eyes and Kyle's dark, short hair, and Sophie Tammye, who was a mini Ali and trotted with an excited smile.

“Those are gorgeous,” Ashlyn complimented peeking to see the flowers, her hazel eyes fixing on them as she smiled softly. “Val, sweetness, wanna help your brother carry them?”

Soon, the six strolled calmly into the cemetery, like they did annually on October 19th, as well as for Christmas, Thanksgiving, the first free day of the year, and August 2nd. Sometimes, they also made it for the deceased people's birthdays, if they fell on calm days in which they could make the trip from their home in Orlando. The six therefore knew the path by heart, even the littlest ones, who were however a little scared of the cemetery, so they held Ashlyn's hands tight, sticking to her hips and never wandering off like Wyatt and Valerie, who would stop around the graves that were curious, or follow the occasional squirrel for a few metres before returning to them.

At least, in front of a row of tall trees, they reached the graves that, like usual, were clean and had flowers around. The eldest children and Ali carefully placed the new flowers between the others and they stood around, quieting their chattering down.

“You think they're happy we keep coming?” Valerie asked, staring at the names on the graves.

“I think they wouldn't mind we didn't, as long as we're happy,” Ali replied softly. “But it's nice to come. Make sure their resting place is nice and we spend some minutes as close to them as we physically can. Like when we visit someone in the hospital.”

“I like coming,” Sophie said squeaky. Matthew and Valerie nodded in agreement, and Wyatt hummed agreeing, as he stared at Anna's name.

“Tell me again?” Wyatt asked. Ashlyn let the twins grab Ali's hands and hugged Wyatt from behind. He was already close to reaching her nipples with the top of his head, being so tall.

“Well, these are your grandparents,” Ashlyn pointed, answering the familiar question, “and they had a son, your Dad, before I was born. He was funny and kind, and a phenomenal skater and surfer, like you. And your grandparents were really hardworking, extraordinary people too. And then Chris went on to marry your Mami, Anna, and she was so pretty, and so bloody smart, and had a beautiful smile, just like yours. And they were so in love they had you. Then there was a car accident, on a day just like today,” Ashlyn sighed.

“And they all died,” Wyatt finished.

“Yes,” Ashlyn nodded, “and thus you became not just their son, but also ours, because that's what your Daddy and your Mami wanted you to be. And because we loved you so much, we swore you'd never be any less than a son to us.”

“We don't have a Daddy, Mommy?” Matthew asked innocently.

“No,” Ashlyn smiled small at her. “You have two mothers. Our Wyatt here just got an extra set of parents, and that's not better or worse, just different. Just like Mama and I only had a Dad and a Mum.”

“Because family can be anything if there's love enough,” Ali commented. “And we've always had more than enough to give. Same way we have Logan and Bruno,” their French bulldog, “who also had a Mum and a Dad, dog ones. But sometimes life brings you extra parents, and one would have to be stupid to reject some extra love, right?”

“Yeah,” Valerie answered, nodding. “So we call them Uncle Chris and Aunty Anna, right?”

“Exactly,” Ashlyn nodded. “And we'll thank them every day for creating such a great person as our Wyatt is.” She added with a chuckle, brushing his hair with a small knot in her throat.

“I wish I had met them,” Wyatt admitted, not for the first time, looking up at Ashlyn with sad eyes. “I wish you still had them too.”

“Me too,” Ashlyn squatted next to him, keeping an arm around him and looking at the graves. “But this isn't too bad, right? We got a wonderful family.”

“We do,” Wyatt nodded. “What would I be to you if they hadn't died, though?”

“You'd be our favourite, most spoiled nephew in the world,” Ashlyn answered. “And we'd still love you to the moon and back. But it's better not to think of the what ifs, love. This is our reality, nothing we can do now but enjoy it.”

“I do,” Wyatt said, putting one of his tiny arms around her neck. “I think our family is like a film based on a book, isn't it? It's not the same the book was... but is still a really cool, lovely thing on its own.”

“That's a beautiful way to put it sweetie,” Ali grinned at him.

“Happy birthday, Mommy,” Wyatt kissed Ashlyn's cheek and she smiled, nodding.

“Every new day with this top class team we've made is a happy one, for sure.”

“Let's sit for a bit,” Ali suggested. “And then we can go surfing, and tomorrow will be a new day.”

Ashlyn nodded, getting up and turning around to kiss Ali.

“A new day with you,” Ashlyn whispered against her lip. “How lucky of me...”

Ali smiled, letting herself sink in another kiss and putting her arms around her. She always thought she was the lucky one.

  
  


  
  


SE ACABÓ

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember Fanfic Authors are often unappreciated. Yes, we don't write best sellers, we write for love and we write for free, when we have time, through studies, jobs, life... we write because we love writing, but we CHOOSE to share what we write with you, so the least you can do is show your writers your appreciation. As you can see I spent a whole year writing without necessarily publishing, because like many others, I don't NEED to publish. I do it hoping it'll bring other people the joy it brings me to read and write. But it's up to you to keep updates going, and not make us feel like we might as well keep the work to ourselves. Thank you!


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